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Spoiled kid *priviledge trigger*

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sherylsue
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Spoiled kid *priviledge trigger*

Today we decided to take all of Alexis' toys away because she has decided to be superbrat here lately and we knew stuff had to change. But since we've done it two big things have happened
1. she's been much nicer
2. we realised how much crap she really had.
She's been the only grandchild and super spoiled by both my side and BD's side, and just got two more sets of grandparents this year. Hopefully some of the stuff we emptied from her room will end up boxed up for the new one or in a garage sale (the money could really help too). We're really trying to make a lifestyle change as much as a punishment out of this. I mean I don't want to raise a superconsumer but its really what we're setting her up for.
The plan is to have her earn stuff back- she's been good since it happened and is being good here in the library (easy in the cool with books to read) so when she gets home she'll probably get back this cool dragon pencil SO's dad got her that she barely noticed when she got it because she got other stuff too. And she's getting that because apparently what she missed most was her drawing supplies (I gotta admit I was proud of that as she's artistic and I've always wanted to be so I hope its something that she continues to grow at). Next is a book.
Have any of you tried similar tactics/ had some of the same issues?

Earth_moves
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Spoiled kid *priviledge trigger*

My daughter is younger, so we have never used that tactic for discipline.

But we do keep a tight rein on what she gets, and what she keeps.

On my side, I have a Mom, who's dating someone... gift, gift.
A Dad, who's remarried....... gift, gift.
A StepDad, who was married to my Mom for 10 years, and his new wife..... gift gift.

Neil's got parents (unfortunately sometimes! :roll: ) gift gift.

And then there's g.grandparent, great aunts and uncles.........

And whenever they just come and VISIT for NO OCCASION...... they have all this stuff........... Forget holidays, they are obsene.

And half of it is from Wal-Mart, which I personally really hate..... so that makes it even worse.

I specifically ask people to limit their gift giving, but they rarely listen.... So I we do a certain amount of unwrap, oh and ah, put up in a cupboard, and RE-GIFT, or donate (depending on if I have someone in mind that it will work for.)

I know how you feel, when you stand there and your child hardly notices the gifts, for the gifts......

SkyKid45
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Spoiled kid *priviledge trigger*

Eric has a lot of toys, so what I do is I rotate them. Every couple of months I will go through the 2/3 of the toys in the basement and pull out half of them, and then take the toys that he has upstairs in the living room and put them down in the basement. I do leave out somethings that he likes a lot, like legos but really a lot of his toys he doesn't seem to notice. But now every few months he thinks he has new toys because he hasn't seen them in like, 6 months.

Danielle04o7
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Spoiled kid *priviledge trigger*

i just boxed up a bunch of Alexa's dolls that she doesn't use a lot, she had a big laundry basket overflowing with them, now she has 5 left, and that is manageable.

debdogg
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my aunt has her kids give away a toy or a piece of clothing, for every new toy or new piece of clothing they recieve, it works well. My oldest cousin raised 600 dollars for a family that needed some help because the dad broke his back, she was 7 when she reaised the money, and it was her idea, she did most of the work herself, with some help from her mom. I think this has really helped her understand that people in the world need to help each other out. She is always wondering and asking about others, it could just be her personality though.

debdogg
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The other thing my family does is instead of giving gifts to each other, they make donations in the name of my family.For the kids, the aunts and uncles go in on one big gift, instead of tons of little things. And my grandma has bank accts set up for them, and puts the money that she'd have spent on toys, into the bank accts, for them to use on school later, or for their parents to buy school clothes, or send them on school trips later on in their school years.

Earth_moves
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Rotating helps, you can really narrow down the toys they NEVER play with, and get rid of.

I like the idea of the donation in their name, or also giving a gift that gives twice.... my Mom, Neil, and I do that.... any gifts have to be sustainable, fair trade, and whenever possible give twice..... like from WWF, for example... or global girlfriend.

That helps cut down on the gifts, due to the price range.

It's everybody else though..... how do you get them to stop????

candy-eyed
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I always get my in-laws and such to pat for things like art classes, swimming lessons, gymnastics, dance, soccer, etc. It's something my kids have to get off their butts to do and it eases the strain of this kind of stuff off my pocketbook.

debdogg
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thats a great idea candy!!

naivete
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Eh, I think I fall under super consumer =\ I buy Trey a new toy just about every week, new clothes, new shoes, etc. He's pretty spoiled. He's gotten two new action figures just this week. I'm pretty horrid with it, but I figure it's because I had so little growing up. My fam was really, really poor, pretty much the only new stuff I got came from charities at Christmas, and so I tend to spend more then I should on Trey because I can. I don't buy really anything for myself or for anyone else, but with Trey it's really a lot of compulsion, I try to promise myself to control it but I end up caving because I see something I know he'd love.

Although he also, despite being spoiled, acts about as far from spoiled as anyone can.

SO keeps me in check and goes through his toybox every month or so to take out toys that he doesn't play with, and we donate them.

adcaela
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I've only gotten Cae a few toys ever, but everytime we go to the grocery store (like every two weeks) he gets a new art thing. I am slowly building up his artsupplies, so he can get like ribbon or paint or something else whenever he goes to the store. I could give away all his toys (except his baby doll, rocking lion, and bike) and he would never notice. At gift giving holidays we leave everything packaged and it just somehow never makes it out of the bag before it gets given to someone else. Unless it is really cool, like he got a tent last year.

flamingred
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We have that problem with Maddie. BD's mom regularly sends big boxes of stuff... which are usually age inappropriate. It's a huge pain, she always wants to check the mail because it's usually stuff for her, and then she throws a fit when nothing is there. Also, every time she spends time with BD, he buys her massive amounts of stuff that she ends up never using. We just got back from seeing him and she's gotten into this mentality where she expects something EVERYTIME we go somewhere. I had to drag her screaming out of her Target today.

I try to go through her toys regularly - the things that she doesn't use that are in good condition get donated and the other stuff gets tossed. I try to keep it down to a manageable level. I think having too much stuff overwhelms her too... she tends not to even touch it and gets really frustrated when she wants to find something.

katg
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We have too much stuff in general -- something that I'm trying hard to change -- but for Zoe stuff, I've found it's easier to request things from reletives and not worry about coming across as a horrible person.

Jack and I don't want her getting Barbie dolls, Bratz dolls, etc. so we have told our relitives that if they send anything like that we will return it or give it away, point blank. Same with toys that make noise.

We request that they send art supplies, dress up cloths, other toys that can be used in creative play. People are pretty good at respecting our wishes. The occasional time that they aren't, I'll bring Zoe with me to Toys R Us, or Target, or where ever we are returning them to so she can pick out something more appropriate.

Earth_moves
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Yeah, that's us too...... Just too much stuff in general!
We just dropped off two bags of stuff at the VV, our last trip to the city, and I now have another one..... and nobody's been shopping. It's like you have to get rid of some stuff, before you can see that you have more stuff to get rid of!!!

That's really awesome katg, I think I'm going to try your approach!!!

And I'm going to try your approach too Charlie, and leave it in the box, unless it's really cool........ makes re-gifting even more easy!!!!

SkyKid45
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katg wrote:
Jack and I don't want her getting Barbie dolls, Bratz dolls, etc. so we have told our relitives that if they send anything like that we will return it or give it away, point blank. Same with toys that make noise.

Thats how I am with guns and other weapons. They aren't allowed in our house, even water guns so if someone gets them I just flat out return them. There are some stubborn relatives (mainly on bd's side of the family) so I'm sure this will come up even if it hasn't yet.

misfit
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We have way too many toys, too.
I don't know if it's a "boy" thing or what but all of mine have these collections.
Like, they can't have a car, they have to have the entire set and the carrying case. Not because they are greedy but because they have a compulsion to complete the set.
I guess that is because DH is like that.

Like Naivete said, DH grew up not having a lot of stuff so I think that is why he feels the need or want to buy the boys something every week, with the excuse that they need it for their "collection".

Malakhi has a birthday in a couple weeks and I told everybody that he needs school clothes & supplies and PLEASE not a bunch of toys.

I'm just glad they are out of the Lego phase.
I think they killed my last vacuum cleaner.

naivete
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Agreed misfit, Neither Trey nor SO are happy if T has just ONE power ranger, he has to have all 5 power rangers AND the bad guys who fight them, or else it's just "not the same". He couldn't have JUST spiderman, he had to have spiderman, venom, sandman, green goblin, new goblin, etc.

SO still has a huge collection of his toys as a kid, the entire GI Joe line, etc, too well played with to ever be a collectors but enough that he's still super happy he has them.

We don't allow Bratz or guns either, something my family is very clear on, he's gotten toy guns from friends before and we say thank you and then give it away. T understands too the reasons why we don't act as if guns are toys and so he doesn't care when we give them away, it won't make a tantrum if he gets a toy and can't keep it, most of the times he's telling me "no we don't play with guns, only bad guys and police have guns, right mommy? They're not safe", he's said it to my dad a couple of times where my dad's tried to 'play guns' with him.

I usually tell people at birthdays and christmas to get what they want but he really does have enough toys, so things like clothes, shoes, hats, or days out are appreciated.

glasses
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naivete wrote:
Agreed misfit, Neither Trey nor SO are happy if T has just ONE power ranger, he has to have all 5 power rangers AND the bad guys who fight them, or else it's just "not the same". He couldn't have JUST spiderman, he had to have spiderman, venom, sandman, green goblin, new goblin, etc.

SO still has a huge collection of his toys as a kid, the entire GI Joe line, etc, too well played with to ever be a collectors but enough that he's still super happy he has them.

We don't allow Bratz or guns either, something my family is very clear on, he's gotten toy guns from friends before and we say thank you and then give it away. T understands too the reasons why we don't act as if guns are toys and so he doesn't care when we give them away, it won't make a tantrum if he gets a toy and can't keep it, most of the times he's telling me "no we don't play with guns, only bad guys and police have guns, right mommy? They're not safe", he's said it to my dad a couple of times where my dad's tried to 'play guns' with him.

I usually tell people at birthdays and christmas to get what they want but he really does have enough toys, so things like clothes, shoes, hats, or days out are appreciated.

how did you explain it to him that gins are not toys in a way that he could understand and agree with?

naivete
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I told him pretty much "we don't play with guns because if anyone ever plays with a REAL gun it could hurt a lot of people, only people who know how to use them can touch them and because some people get hurt from them we don't pretend it's a game."

Wonderwall
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I always find myself loving the idea of G not having many toys, but I am so guilty of buying him them myself! Some of them I cringe now when I look at them - like the lion that sings "What's up pussycat" because it made him smile in the store (and was clearanced for $4).

I've already started a christmas list of activities/open ended toys so that my family has lots of ideas. Luckily, most of my family is really big on reading and I honestly don't mind if G's book collection gets huge. He already has 1.5 shelves on our bookcase.

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I went through this recently too. My kid has so many toys and I have bought maybe 5 of them, the rest were gifts from extended family. For his 2nd birthday, I asked people to get him fall clothes, and stuff for his room instead of toys. It turned out well because my mom made him a quilt and pillow, and got him some stuff to hang on the walls and BDs mom got him this toy sorter shelf thingy. So he ended up getting less toys than he would have. We also filled a garbage bag of toys he doesnt even look at and donated it. I also rotate toys too. I have started putting toys away, and then pulling one out when he seems in the mood. Like he has a pretend pizza kit, and I pull it out and we make pizza and then when we're done, its put away again. Otherwise, I find that there are random peices of toys all over the house and he is not even playing with them, he is just making a huge mess of stuff.

Anonymous (not verified)
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Spoiled kid *priviledge trigger*

Sometimes I have to take the toys away when when other stuff doesn't work. Recently my parents had a huge fit saying it was wrong of me to take away their toys because then they have nothing to do. :roll: But I like taking away toys better than other options.

But my parents buy them so many toys for xmas and just random times. Once they had so many I couldn't walk through their room. And when I wanted to get rid of the older ones, my mom got mad saying I should keep them. Right now I just do what I want, get rid of the old ones, throw away the broken ones. Now they sit in big tubs inside the closet.

Earth_moves
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I think taking away toys, bikes, whatever, is a good way of getting your point across.

My Mom did it with me, and it was effective.

Come home, at such and such a time, or lose your bike and WALK to school for a week.

You don't have to take ALL of the toys, and I don't know anyone who's ever done that. You just take the flavour of the month!

I have seen (on Dr. Phil) when parents took EVERYTHING out of the room, because the child was so far gone, and not listenning at all. But he earned them back...

Which is also a good lesson for kids, i think!

sherylsue
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Its actually worked pretty well- plus its an eye opener twoards what she finds to be important. Like she has a bag of shells she really wanted back- and her art stuff. Not the tons of expensive crap we're told our kids really really want.
Plus she's noticing more when she's good (she gets a toy) and when she's bad (she doesn't get one or something goes away).
Plus her room is soo much cleaner! The whole way this started was a three day attempt to get Alexis to clean her room- today she did it in 5 minutes. Partly because she doesn't have tons of crap and partly because she knows we're serious.
And I've had to yell a LOT less. Which makes the whole family happier.
Now we're looking for consignment shops. We're really really broke right now and selling some of the stuff she could care less about could really help.
I have tried asking the family to focus on art stuff but it really never pans out- I think my mom is much more into how much she spends vs how much Alexis likes it. Although she has helped greatly in the book collections.
SO's mom is way creative though and gives gifts like sculpy and stuff she finds at the dollar store, which are amazing (she got us all toy guns that are nerfesque and christmas turned into war- I'm usually anti-gun but we had a whole lot of fun attacking each other, so I guess I've changed my completely no stance to a rather limited one- they disappeared after x-mas)

Earth_moves
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Glad it's working out for you hun!

Yelling less is ALWAYS a positive thing.

Reading this thread though, has been making me really dread my kids B'day. But I think I'm going to go with the advice here to leave things in boxes we don't even want, and have a nice re-gift. And to get rid of the old as we bring in the new.......