Talking about Racism with Our Kids

I will not talk to my child about racism. I dont think because hes half black that he can do anything less than anyone else, and I will not explain to him why other people are ignorant.I know it exists but I am going to try to raise Jayden to feel confident and not tell him why people think hes not. I will teach my son to try as hard as he can no matter what religion, race, or orientation he is.

I think four is a good age to talk about it. Jayden came up to me at about 3 and a half and asked me why his skin was brown and mine wasnt so I had more of a conversation about why people are different, and that no ones alike rather than racism. I think in time he will learn about that I dont need to make him think about it at such a young age. He has his whole life to learn how ignorant people are.

we haven't talked about racism, but we have talked about race. S refers to herself as "pink" and I don't correct her- this rarely comes up, though. There have been times when she has mentioned someone else's race, such as student's who work as aides in her childcare center, and she'll say things like "Krystal is my favorite, she does x, y, z. She's brown." And I tell her it's awesome Krystal is so much fun. The stance I have approached it as of yet is "wouldn't it be boring if we were all exactly the same?" Her school is very culturally oriented- they just celebrated Chinese new year. In December, they celebrate Solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas. Last week she said to me "Mom, you know some people steal other people's land?" and I asked her what she meant. She told me at school, they made peace shields and talked about Native people. So, her school provides us a really great jumping board for further discussions- based on truth and acceptance of variety.

Separately, one thing that came up that I was uncomfortable with was when she would ask me questions about a person in front of them. For example, when we would drive through the toll booths, she would (loudly) say "Is that a man or a woman?" I would wait and answer her after we drove away. This opened up the "social appropriateness" conversation, where we talked about what rude means, and what can hurt people's feelings. Basically, I made it very clear that she can always ask me anything- that I want her to ask, but she needs to wait until either it is just the two of us, or the person the question is about is not there anymore. Keep in mind she is 4 1/2, this probably began about a year ago. Social appropriateness is a tough one.

Amy- Thats awesome that your daughter's school is like that.

I have not sat down and had a talk about racism, but it has come up. He will occasionally point out other people's skin, like friends at school and stuff, and he calls himself tan. I have told him a little bit about the civil rights movement on MLK day, since he was asking what MLK day is. I basically said, "people of color used to not be allowed to do the same things as white people, which was wrong. But a lot of people thought they should have rights, so they worked to get rights for everybody" or something like that. I don't think it has to be complicated for kids, and I think it does start with curiosity about differences between themselves and other people.

I haven't spoken to my child about racism yet because he is 2 years old (almost) and wouldn't understand anyway. Right now, he doesn't pay any attention to "race". But, at some point, the closer he gets to school age, I'm sure we'll talk about it. As a parent of color, raising a child of color, I don't have a choice of whether or not I will talk to him about racism. As progressive as things may seem, discrimination still exist, and I see no reason to sweep it under the rug. Our entire family is mixed, multicultural, blended, or whatever you want to call it, my son has also been around and been loved my every shade (race) on the spectrum. At family functions and whatnot, we can talk about our differences and even laugh about it, it's not a big scary taboo subject. I think when it comes to children, it's best to be open and honest about racism and discrimination. Personally, I believe that the conversation is different depending on whether or not your child is one of color. A child of color need to understand that they are truly amazing, beautiful, and talented people… even if someone isn't kind to them because of the color of their skin. They need to know that it isn’t them (the child) who has the problem, it’s the ignorant bigots who have a problem. I think if you totally ignore the presence of racism, later your child may internalize many harsh feeling about themselves that have been shaped by others and society. I also think it depends on where you live if you live in an extremely diverse area and your child is constantly exposed to other “races”, the conversation may be easier to have as your child may already have some awareness.

I hate the term “race” as it is socially constructed to separate people based on nothing scientific, imho.

I didnt approach it until last year. D and Z had just started pre-k at a school who's population was less than 1% white. They had seperate classes, and were the only white kids in their level. Z came home from school crying because one of the girls would not play with her because "She did not play with little white girls" Something I am sure she picked up from home.

We had to have a discussion on how while people may look different, we are all the same and that it was not right for the girl to have said that to her.
I am fortunate that my kids both are very aware of racism and know why it is bad. They usually will casually start the conversation without me prompting them. I let them tell me what they think about it, and will support them in how they feel.