Ok, so my husband and I are going through our first deployment, he is in Iraq til August 2010. We have two kids, Lucas-21months, and Tori-5 weeks. He missed most of Luke's growing up while he was in BCT, and now he's going to miss most of Tori's while he's in Iraq. It's been so hard trying to deal with two young kids, while at the same time, feeling like my heart has been ripped in half. Our family comes to visit and I'm always made to feel like I have to plaster on this "happy face". I guess they just don't understand that when you're stressed out 24/7 about whether your husband is going to come home alive or not, just doesn't exactly make for cheery thoughts. Having said this...it's probably going to seem inconceivable that I want to re-enlist in the Nat. Guard. I was in before, but when I got pregnant with Tori, my in-laws kept pushing at my husband to make me get out, so he finally caved in and made me file for a discharge. We've both regretted it ever since. I want to get back in in February as soon as my 6 months after having the baby are up. Now my family is saying that this makes me a bad mom...but I would give anything to be the one in Iraq right now instead of my husband, to know that he's safe at home....but I can't...so I'll do the next best thing...I'll re-enlist and get through BCT so that if he gets sent out again, I'll be with him and I won't be worrying about whether he's ok or not. I want to help make this country safe for our kids.
Please comment.
Life during deployment
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Fri, 2009-09-11 23:41
#1
Life during deployment
wow, that must be very tough. i cant even imagine what your going through.
congrats on the baby girl!
I think the military generally frowns on both parents enlisting with young children. Clearly, it is your decision. But, I don't feel particularly unsafe or threatened by Afghanistan so that would definitely sway my decision. For me, my child is safest under my guidance and love and that makes me not take unnecessary risks.
Also, do you live on base? Are there supports for families of deployed parents. Raising two small kids by yourself is a ton of work. (Which you of course know) Good Luck with whatever you decide.
The best way to keep your children safe is to be there to protect them. There are many more immediate threats in this country.
That's a very difficult position to be in. I'm sorry you aren't feeling very supported, both being at home with the kids and with your wanting to further your career.
It's difficult to put your own career on hold for the sake of your family, especially when your partner doesn't have to do so (or can't).
If you re-enlist, have you thought about who will take care of your children when/if both of you are deployed? Will they be able to make that kind of commitment no matter what for the entire length of time that you're gone? And what if something happens to one of your children? How would you feel if you couldn't be there with them to give them support? Even a fairly minor illness can seem like a huge deal when you are that far away and can't be with them. Also, if you are feeling that much anxiety at your husband being deployed, remember that your children will be the ones at home waiting for both of you to return. While they may be too young to fully understand the situation, children are very perceptive and pick up on emotions like anxiety very easily.
What kind of commitment does your husband currently have and what would your commitment be if you were to re-enlist?