Ok to begin. I let my daughter be a fairy for halloween. it was a tutu style outfit with purple and black stripped leggings. some of soon to be husbands family thought it was a little much for her age but let it go because i am her mother and they shouldn' challenge me. His 19 and 20 yer old cousins commented on the fact that I let her wear high heels with her costume. ( its once a year and I find nothing wrong with that ). So when It came time to go trick or treating I was looking for syds shoes and gina had taken them when she left. she says this was an accident but why would she take a childs shoes?.
So to be civil I reamed g( so) about it and let it go. I was upset but Its family so I just swallowed it. move on to today......
My daughter tells me that gina and gabby tell her that she is wearing way to much makeup and she looks like a chucwetla sp? which in spanish I guess basically means whore. I go hysterical. I find that so disturbing because I did her makeup and it was so pretty. There was no need to tell her that. I have worked so hard to earn the trust of my daughter because she is not biologically mine and they just throw it down the toilet. syd felt good about her makeup. she loved it. They are my bridesmaids in my wedding and I want to remove them. I think what they did was wrong, and hurtful but I dont know what to do.
Wow. I was so upset for you when I read this.
On the one hand, it could cause drama between you and your SOs family if you do remove them from your bridal party. But on the other hand, who cares??? The action of the one cousin, who took your daughter's shoes, was completely immature. And their comments were incredibly hurtful to a child, which just completely boggles my mind...
But you already know all of that. I would just go with your gut on this one. I'm sorry you have to deal with this situation, especially as the drama is infiltrating your wedding...
I'm sorry to hear that this happened. I'm so frustrated right now that your SO's family would do this to you.
My gut instinct says it would be best to have your SO tell his relative that what they did was unacceptable. What they said is completely offensive, no doubt about it and it needs to be brought to their attention. It leaves you in a horrible position. If you say something it could backlash, sending uninvited animosity your way. In my opinion, it is better for you not to be the one to defend yourself, it should be your SO. Everyone needs someone to defend them once and awhile.
I would love to say something along the lines of 'it's best to stand up for your self, stand your ground' or some bullshit like that, but given your situation, they seem to belittle your love for your daughter. It's your SO who needs to fill them in on how your choices are best for her and they need to back off and take you seriously. Wonder what they would think of you if instead you were a guy who became a father to a child that wasn't biologically yours. Their not taking your compassion seriously and thats so common when it comes to women...
That sucks, I would be pissed!
I agree with pintsized, our policy is his family, his problem, my family, my problem. We make exceptions, but overall that IMO and IME has been a really helpful guideline.
I would have him talk to them, maybe with you there, wait to see how that goes over before making any choices about the wedding. Hopefully they just don't realize the effects of their words.
That's awful. I would probably let the shoe taking go and just have a talk with the both of them about what kind of things are and are not appropriate to say in front of (and to) a child. And then say something along the lines of, "If you have an issue with the way we are raising our daughter, I expect you to come to me and SO about it, and not discuss it directly with Syd."
How old is Syd?
syds gonna be 11 in january. I would agree with the his family his problem, but the issue is that I have more contact with his family. the kids go there ( grandmas) after school and gia and gabby are usually there.
I have advised so that if this happens again I will not be as polite as the first time and I will make it very clear that they areno longer welcome to hang out with my daughter if they will tell her things to make her feel bad about herself and me.
They did have a talking to but then yesterday gina came to syd right infront of me and wanted to see her underwear to make sure she changed them. I have adv so that our daughter is old enough to handle her own underwear duties. Im just so upset, I cried all day yesterday. I dont want to be the mother that is so strict that my children wont talk to me. I want to be leniant and give them freedoms and if highlights and makeup once a year is too much I dont know what to do. Maybe im just doing something wrong.
I think asking a ten year old to show her underwear is verging on sexual harrassment.