I think the idea is great, in theory, but I have serious doubts about how this child - this family - will be able to function in society with this big secret. I wonder if they will send Pop to school? If they do, I again think they will have difficulty keeping the gender undisclosed.

I like the idea, honestly. We have tried very hard to keep my sons in gender neutral clothes, and they both wear pink and occasionally dresses. As they age (Abh, really) I find it very difficult to keep them away from the gender construct; Abh has preferences now, and often they are 'masculine' (what is generally accepted as such: toy vehicles/tools and physical play). People give him gifts and clothing that is obviously gendered. We don't have TV but we watch movies and youtube on the computer and he seems drawn towards the more action-based scenes/shows.

I want very much to tuck Abh away and never let him know 'what boys do' and 'what girls do', but I feel very wrong - philosophically, ethically, and emotionally - controlling, essentially censoring, his worldview and experiences. In some ways, the idea seems freeing, but in other ways, it is so restricting I wonder if it would even have the desired effect. I don't think that this kind of treatment would necessarily (at all) harm the child, but does it really help them survive in modern society? I don't know...

I bid them good luck. I'm sure it's gonna be tough to keep it up much longer.

The one thing that really gets to me with these stories is the random psychologist that get to say a word or two about the situation. You know their always gonna choose someone who can't think outside of their little 'scientific' noggin.

Like this quote :
She says once children can speak, males tell aggressive stories 87 per cent of the time, while females only 17 per cent. In a study, children aged two to four were given a task to work together for a reward, and boys used physical tactics 50 times more than girls, she says.

Does she not realize that all these observations she's spouting were done within an environment which supports gendered activities? I swear, most scientists can't break away from their own cultural biases. If scientists did begin to investigate their own biases, they'd find that most of their own studies are fashion in a way to support their own ideals. We have the potential to do studies which can show how influential societies construct can be on the development of humans, yet science is too enthralled with supporting the very construct.

I don't have a problem with what the parents are doing, and some of the comments after the article are terrible, like suggesting the parents are being abusive and should get their child taken away. I'm sure the child is fine, however, I do beleive there are fundamental differences between males and females, even before birth. Hormonally and physically there are differences, and especially the hormonal differences are going to influence the way they view the world, social constructs aside. I'm really interested in this child, and I would like to know in two, five, and ten years, how the child is doing, what their interests are, and whether they have become interested in gendered games/toys/etc.

mamabutterfly I totally agree with you. There are definate biological difference between males and females that make us look at things differently. I do not think what they are doing is wrong b ut I too would like to hear what happens with this situation in a couple years.

On the biological differences thing: there definitely are statistics that show that females or males are more likely to engage in certain behaviors, but that just means that more males behave in a certain way compared to females. I think this is an important difference.

I also think that from birth, the differences between males and females tend to be quite small, but that as a society we raise our children to amplify these differences so even for the children who may be in the statistical minority at birth will develop sex-appropriate traits.

That said, I strongly believe in assigning a gender at birth. We live in a society that punishes gender variant people, and make no mistake: gender ambiguity in our culture is seen as gender variance.

Also, for us, I knew the first time around that I was going to have a female sexed child. In a society that denigrates female bodies and femininity, I wanted to acknowledge both her sex and the most likely gender with which she would identify as an adult in order to have discussions about the oppression she would experience as a result. If I have a male child, I think I would want to have discussions about the privilege that child will receive from his sex as well as the gender with which he is most likely to identify.

I think the key, though, is tempering the assigned gender with gender choice. When we use gendered language for T, we use feminine words for her (though if she ever expressed a preference for something else, we would of course honor any such request), but we have clothes, toys, etc.. for her that run all over the gender spectrum.

The topic of sex and gender is rather complex, but I find myself disappointed with the simplified ways in which most scientists go about researching sex and gender. Research throughout the world is conducted in a very heteronormative and patriarchal framework. Often research which is done only works to reinforce the researchers own biases. In psychology one can find countless journal articles which declare that women's brains are hardwired to multitask, while men's brains are not. These same studies will cite that the brains of women, when looked at under an MRI machine (or some equivalent contraption) show connections within the brain to support this theory. What these researchers fail to note is that women are required, by society, to be multitaskers since they are required to upkeep more responsibilities throughout life more so then men (thanks to our good friend patriarchy). These extra responsibilities require the brain to expand it's multitasking abilities, which explains why women have more "multitasking connections" in their brain then men.

Also, it was once thought to be a fact that women were not mentally able to preform as proficiently in math as men. Researchers supported their hypothesis by analyzing boys and girls math scores throughout primary school. Back in the 1950's boys did perform better then girls in math on average, but as time went on girls were given more attention in the classroom and researchers concluded years later that the deficiency in girls scores had more to do with the amount of attention and support girls were given within the classroom rather then an inherit difference in the hard wiring of female and males brain. They didn't have brain scanners back in the 1950's, but I'd bet that if they took the same sample of children they studied in the 1950's, they'd find that the boys brains displayed more "mathematical/problem solving connections" within the brain, not because they were inherently better at math then girls, but because they were encouraged to excel in math, thereby creating more brain activity and connections in those regions. (Years ago, scientists used to also claim that white folks were smarter then minorities in this very same way)

I guess in a roundabout way, I'm suggesting that science has always had a love connection with gender differences, so much so that it's difficult for me to trust researchers claims that female and males are inherently different when our entire society is obsessed with girls being girls and boys being boys from the moment their born (today though, children are gendered within the womb).

Yep, the whole sex differences thing is really complex. Personally I believe that there are some differences that are innate, but they are not many and they are not major.

For example, it just makes sense to me that women would be the "natural" primary caregivers. I mean, infants are biologically dependent on women for survival via breastfeeding, and breastfeeding is a comfort thing for them. And if breastfeeding lasts for as long as is biologically normal for our species, then mothers are usually going to be the first choice for comfort right up into early childhood. But that doesn't mean that men are not also capable of being nurturing or that women are naturally selflessly devoted to their children above themselves. Ya know? But these differences have been exaggerated and twisted to serve patriarchy.

Regardless of whether or not there are innate differences and what they are, it's going to come out in Pop's early childhood IMO, when it's normal for children to prefer to play with other children of their own gender. Or Pop is just going to tell someone, because let's face it, kids aren't known for keeping secrets. (Just ask my 3-year-old, who has announced my pregnancy to almost everyone she's come into contact with, even when I asked her not to. LMAO!)

This is an interesting arcticle and I like alot of the things people posted. I have very deeply felt for years that the research is very biased, and that this couple is conducting, in a sense, thier own research study. From birth - most babies who's gender is made known are conditioned by society - from strangers, relatives, advertising, doctors etc. to take on the norms of the gender role. I have witnessed the evolution of my own child and his conditioning - he is mistaken for a girl frequently and its interesting to watch how people, when uncorrected - perpetuate and assign stereotypes to children, even subconciously and inadvertently. One thing I can say for sure - he was a much happier, more easily amused kid when I was putting him in gender nuetral clothes and not telling people his gender. It may have been his age - but I also noticed that he has grasped a shallow notion of manhood that includes alot of violence and domination - and when he is in a state where he is indentifying with his ideas of maleness - it is not a good place. He can't do it all the time - its an unnatural state, and when he is off guard and back to being a child again - gender irrelevant - his play is more ingenius and creative and full of life - and I notice him sometimes check himself, like - as if he thinks he needs to be more manly - and gets aggressive and destructive - especially if another strongly identified male is around. If there is another boy around who is pretty nuetral he doesn't seem to feel the need to do his show of testosterone. Its very frustrating and painful for me to watch, his notions of what maleness is - is totally fucked up. Its creating a tension in him and interfering with his ability to just be a kid. Theres stuff going on with his dad too, and it may play a part. I would love to see some unbiased reserach on gender conditioning from birth.