goodness I'm exhausted. I've been working on my senior project while m's been at part-time daycare (started earlier this month). Though m's been sick off and on for the past few days so her time here has been sparse. I haven't been able to get much sleep since my partner works nights and I'm home alone with m and still nursing through the night. In the past couple weeks I've slipped into being being underweight. Nearly for my entire childhood I was underweight, not cause I was sick, just because I was so petite... but as an adult I've never been underweight, and I wouldn't have thought I was cause I still got my preggo belly. I can't seem to ever eat enough to be full/satisfied and never can seem to eat enough in one day.
I find myself getting so pissed off too. I have this temper that can so easily boil over. It's really starting to scare me, reminds me of my dads temper. I'll find myself throwing things at times and I really don't want m growing up thinking this behavior is acceptable. I love her, and it bothers me so much that this emotion bubbles up. Any advice on what I can do to manage my new found temper?
I find myself being resentfully of my partner too. He gets to sleep for 7 hours strait (i haven't done that in 6 months). He doesn't have to work on a project that requires attention I don't have (it doesn't help that I have ADD too). He's full after he eats 2 servings. He doenst organize shit like he should. Y'all know what I'm talking about. Dr visits, the kitchen, he doesn't always get up when he should. I often feel like I'm mom to two not just one. He doesn't do half the house/management work And I'm torn at times. Like I carriered her for 9 months, birthed her, I feed her 24/7, ... even if he does work 40hrs a week... I just feel like he's still not pulling all his weight or cutting me slack when I really need it.