I'm not anti-sex worker. People should have the right to do what they like when they like with their bodies so long as it's consensual, and I don't want to talk bad about that. However, nothing is working to get my kid to stop looking at porn.
A lock on the computers turned into a lock on my phone turned into a lock on the television because of the searches he's doing with anything that will search. I have to lock him out of the computer completely because even safe searches didn't work, he is well versed on the internet. He's not looking at playboys or old 70s stuff either, you know what the internet is like now. I'm concerned about it damaging how he views sex/what turns him on later in life.
I've told him this. I've told him these images can damage his brain. He's too young to process this stuff. That does not affect him. I don't want to be anti woman or anti sex worker, but I'm running out of things to say short of the negative side of the industry. There are sex workers who aren't as consensual, who use drugs or whatever so they can get on camera and do the kinds of things pornography is demanding of them anymore. I don't think they're all like that, hell I know they aren't, but is it okay to present the negatives to him since he just won't stop?
He does not like the idea of women being hurt, he does not like the idea of drugs, he does not like that sometimes sex is forced on people, I know all this from other conversations. I don't want to turn him into a republican thinking he needs to protect women from themselves, so is it okay to talk about the less consensual side now, and address the right to do what you want with your body, even if it seems unsavory, later?
I'm a little confused. Is this M you're talking about? Especially from your post here: http://girlmom.com/node/20414, it seems like he would be years away from this issue...
well, I did heavily edit myself there because I didn't know if I wanted to talk about this or not, but there aren't many places an internal conflict like this would be understood. additionally, he doesn't ask me questions about it, even when I ask if he has any, and I really do try to have conversations about it. They go nowhere. He has aspergers, it's difficult to know if he has no questions because he can't formulate them, or because he really doesn't understand what he sees. After trying and trying to dig through it, now I just really want it to stop.
Hmm. I think it's ok to oversimplify this one and tell him that mainstream porn often exploits women. I'd be more worried about the harm being caused by lots of exposure to really graphic porn at such a young age. I think it's more important to teach them to question than to teach them the "truth" anyways, ya know?
This might be too complicated at this age, but you can also teach him about structured choices: it's not that women need to be "saved" from their own choices; it's that women are often given a limited range of choices, few of which are really desirable.
Also, I wonder if it's possible to somehow give him limited exposure to feminist porn. So like, try to avoid all of it altogether, but make it so that if he does look that's the kind of thing he would find? I have no idea how to make that happen though. Also a lot of feminist porn can be weird shit you don't want him exposed to, too, so maybe that's not a good idea. Hmm.
This is a toughie and I'm sure it's much more complicated because of his special needs. Sorry you're dealing with this.
I don't think he's ready to take on structured choices. Right now the world is black and white to him, he can't process anything beyond that and sometimes has trouble with black and white choices as well (his black and everyone else's are often different).
I've given him my Suicide Girls coffee table book, it's the only thing I have that features naked photos. We talked about how harmful pornography is to the women who are in it, and to women as a whole. I talked about the difference between nudity in the book and pornography. (We also had a discussion on how it is not okay to take the book places or show it to other people. The last thing I need is someone else's mom banging on my door.)
I'm not taking the locks off of anything yet, but we'll see how it goes. He seemed a little more interested and responsive to this conversation than any other we've had. Hopefully, there's a breakthrough.
I hope everything is going well. How is he doing? Did the conversation help?
Well, my SO was on the computer the other day and shouted a headline to me about someone wanting to ban hardcore pornography. M said from upstairs (sometimes he's listening in when we think he's playing) "well they should! I don't want women getting hurt!" So I agreed with him, and SO and I talked about the story later.
I think it really did break through to him. I let him on the computer yesterday while I went to the store to pick up his meds, and when I came back he hadn't been looking at anything he shouldn't be. I think I might have finally done this thing right.