Sometimes I get so angry, out of nowhere, for no reason. Most of the time I'm happy and everything's great, and then I will just feel so mad out of nowhere. Usually the feeling coincides with feeling extremely lonely. I just get super irritable, and want my kids to leave me alone, and want someone to pay attention to me. But there is no one. So then I just yell at my kids. Then I hate myself for it. I just want to walk out the door, but where would I go anyway? Sit in a bar and flirt with random strangers? That would make me feel worse. There is no solution, except to know that the feeling will pass. Then I just want to cry. I hate these moments.
How many years can a person go through their life feeling like no one loves them? How can a person give enough love to their kids when no one loves them? I wish somebody loved me. Other than my kids. I'm a good person and I deserve love. Why do I have to be alone?
Actually, I know what I'm so upset about. Being betrayed by your best friend and by your closest family member at the same time is unbearably painful. I need just really need to talk to someone.
Hey love feel free to private message a mama on here. I can relate to getting angry out of the blue - I have to actually stop myself and think about why I am angry and normally it's something trivial like I was late this morning and it screwed with my chi ya know?! My poor kids have days where I just keep asking for space because I realise I'm angry and I don't want them to think I'm angry at them so try to remove them from my space till I can sort myself out.
Are you involved with any groups, like book club or gym or something like that? maybe that would help.
Oh honey, I feel ya. Don't forget self-care. Go for a walk. Read a book. Take some quiet moments to yourself, if you are able.
Building a community around us is soooooooooo important to our sanity and also so hard to do. Moms are too often isolated and when you're responsible for taking care of kids all the time it's hard to find the time and space to make friends. I forget how old your kids are, but when my oldest was a toddler, I made most of my mom-friends at parks. Nowadays, I make most of my mom-friends by virtue of living in student-family housing.
Also, pm me and I'd be happy to chat online, or on the phone, or however anytime.
I actually have a really great community of friends that I've been building over the past year. I am in a relatively new town, and started out super isolated and alone. Then my closest friend got into a RELATIONSHIP with my father, and they were my entire support system, so it completely shattered, at a time I was desperately in need of support. She basically destroyed my relationship with him, and has taken over his life. She is very toxic, and he is very lonely, and it really, really hurts. I have been talking to him though, and trying to repair what was broken between us, and I have confronted her and started to put boundaries up around her.