Lately my 3 1/2 year old has been getting really angry and frustrated over little things. If he's doing a puzzle and can't find the right piece, or spills a drink, or just whatever, he gets so mad. Sometimes if I tell him he can't do something, or if he doesn't like something that I'm doing, he'll hit a chair or table, throw things, or try to hit me. I've told him that it's okay to feel frustrated and angry, but it's not okay to hit people or objects, and that if he's having a hard time with something, he can ask for help or try again instead of getting angry. It doesn't really help, though, and I hate it when he goes all aggro about little stuff. Any advice?
Is he angry about something in general? I know atleast for me when I get stressed or angry about something in my life I get angry about all the little things as well. Maybe try asking him if something is bothering him (I know thats hard with a 3.5 y/o but...)
If not maybe counseling? I know we like to think we don't raise our kids to be mean or nasty but sometimes I think its in peoples personalities. Just a thought...
I found that telling my kids what they CAN do when they are angry is often times more successful than telling them what they can't do.
At a time, when he's not angry talk to him about what's OK to do, then when he's angry, remind him of the plan you developed.
When my daughter was having aggression problems (at about the same age your son is now) we discussed it with her pre-school teachers, too.
The first thing bella did when she was angry was make fists at her side and say "I'm angry". At school, her teachers would offer her a paper and crayon to scribble on. The balled up fists really worked and kind of became a game after a while.
I agree that telling your kids what they can do works way better than telling them what they can't do. Especially if they are already pissed off. Maybe allow him a certain object to hit(if you are comfortable with that)like a pillow or allow him to scream a certain funny phrase(my son likes to say "big blue balloons" very loudly when he gets frustrated. Just the sound of a funny sentence being shouted is often times enough to make him chill out.
Thanks guys. I'm going to try to talk to him about what he CAN do when he's angry and not just what he can't do, and give him some suggestions of how to handle his anger in a positive way. It's not like he's angry 24/7 or anything--he's a pretty easygoing kid in general. It's just when he gets upset sometimes that he acts like this. I'm relieved to hear it's not just him--maybe it's a developmental thing?
YES no person is born knowing how to handle anger.