My Journey **LONG**

I've been here a little while and am finally comfortable enough to share my whole story with everyone.

I'm 20 years old and in approximately nine weeks I'll be a mommy for the first time. This is my second pregnancy. My first pregnancy was a complete shock as we used a condom and the pill. The BD was my ex bf from high school. We had broken up the October before (2002) because he wanted to date a girl he worked with. We stopped talking until the beginning of January when he called me and asked if he could come over to visit. I was packing to go visit a friend in Pennsylvania and my mom was home so I didn't think it was a big deal. He showed up and sat with me while I finished folding clothes and organizing bathroom products. About an hour into the conversation he started crying because his gf had dumped him the week before and that she was pregnant with his baby. I've always had a soft spot for my ex and I started comforting him. I told him I didn't have much time before my flight but if he wanted to talk when I got back to call me. I went out to PA and had a great time, didn't even think about my ex and my friend introduced me to his friend Scott from NY. We hit it off when we went to Niagara Falls (our last stop before my flight home) and agreed to keep in touch. When I got back to NH my ex was waiting at my house. My family adored him so they had no problem with him being there when I wasn't. He told me he wanted to be with me but I told him I wanted to try things with Scott. I emailed Scott a lot and talked to him on the phone often but he didn't seem completely interested. In the end I called my ex and asked him out on a date. We ended up hooking up in the backseat of his Civic but realized we still weren't right to be dating. I continued talking to Scott and he asked me to visit him in NY for Valentine's Day. I was lonely so I agreed and while there he told me he'd been wanting to ask me to try to be his gf, long distance until I finished school or he found a different job in this area. I agreed and it was a great time. I never told him about my fling with my ex because I didn't think it was his business and didn't think anything would happen. About two weeks after I went to NY I realized I hadn't had my period. I called my ex freaking out because I knew if I was pregnant it would be his. He became hysterical asking me to come down to his house to take a HPT. We did--two--and it was positive. Immediately I thought of how I was going to tell my family, how I was going to go to school and how Scott would take the news. My ex was quiet then asked me if I would have an abortion. He said that the salary he had wasn't going to be enough to support two babies (remember he was having another) and his babys mama wouldn't consider it. Eventually we agreed to call the local clinic the next week and schedule an appointment. I went home and spent the night on the phone with Scott. I didn't tell him because I didn't think he'd need to know. I'd get an abortion and that was that. Well I think my mom is psychic. The next day she ordered me downstairs and started asking me odd questions, like why hadn't the new box of tampons been used (with three daughters and herself menstruating we oddly always have someone ragging each week of the month and she knows who is when). I tried to lie and say I had picked some up when I had gone to talk to my ex but she saw right through me. She called his parents and they called him at work and basically ordered us not to have an abortion. His mom is very anti-choice and told him she'd throw him out of his house and keep his car (its in his parents name but he pays for it) if he let me have an abortion. My mom isn't anti-choice with anyone but her own family. Backwards, I know but she has this thing about family. So she came down on me hard. My ex and I talked about it and eventually decided to have the baby. We could always go adoption if we needed to and my mom kept talking about raising it as her own (even though she has nine kids). I told Scott and he was pissed because I didn't tell him I had slept with my ex hung up on me. My ex told me he wasn't worth my time if he couldn't be understanding of my thoughts. The idea of having a child together grew on us and we went to the doctors to start prenatal care. I was six weeks along at our first appointment. I told them I'd had a little minor cramping but they said it wasn't anything to worry about. As each day wore on I kept getting cramps and finally I had spotting. I called my ex and made him bring me to the ER. That was the first of many ER trips. One hospital we went to twice and they did an ultrasound. They told me I was a risk for miscarriage and ordered me to bedrest. In my tenth week I had more cramping and bright red spotting. We went to a different hospital and they did another ultrasound. We waited in our room for the doctor to come back with the results. My dad and his gf showed up and both of our mothers were calling every four or five minutes. The doc came in and said that the fetus had died but my uterus was sealed shut. Basically my body was fighting to keep it and get rid of it all at the same time. The doctor said that it was called an incomplete abortion and that it had actually occured in the sixth week from the size of the fetus. THat was when I had been to the hospital for my first visit and all those ER visits. I was shocked that they didn't notice that then. They scheduled a D & E for the next day and told me to get lots of rest. I went in for my surgery and the anesthesiologist knocked me out. My mom says when I was coming to after the procedure the guy came in to check on me and I asked her if we had room in the car to take him home with me.
That was in March of 2003. Fast forward to December of 2003. I was with my new bf Rob and we were spending Christmas with his mom in CT. It was Christmas night and his family had gone to mass. Neither of us are practicing Catholics so we had the house to ourselves. Rob told me he loved me and wanted to marry me and gave me a ring. It was all very cheesy movie-ish and we ended up having sex. With Rob for some reason I never thought to use protection. I figured it didn't help me at all before and we'd both been tested recently. At the beginning of February my Aunt Flo was MIA again and I was beginning to feel deja-vu. It was like I could only get preggers in mid winter. We decided to keep it since we were going to get married anyway and we both wanted to have children together. We told our parents. Mine, of course, were ecstatic. His parents are devote Catholics and took it hard but were okay in the end. I was scared that I would have another incomplete abortion or an actual miscarriage and was paranoid about every ache and pain and even the least bit of spotting (I have it sometimes but the doc said it was okay and can be perfectly normal in some pregnancies). Here we are now 31 weeks along and married. I work part time at a collections agency since the doc said that there was a slightly greater risk for me to have complications as a result of my previous pregnancy and the procedure used at the end of it. Rob works full time at a garage and he is a freelance webdeveloper/designer. We're living in a nice one bedroom apartment with our cat Calypso. I'm still friends with my ex, who has a very beautiful one year old daughter named Kaylee. I'm planning on going back to school in January to finish my degree (just a few more classes).

I hope this fills you in a little more about me. If anyone would like to chat I'm always eager to make new friends.