i encounter rude people every day at my job as a server, some peoples attitudes just blow me away. like the many many woman, and men who feel that its their personal duty to make sure i feel bad about having my daughter. i wear a picture of her on my uniform and alot of people comment. i even had one lady come out and say to her daughter, " if you dont settle down you will end up just like her, an unwed mother working for nothing" the way people say " unwed teen" feels like acid in my stomach. its like some sort of oppressive language used to make woman feel belittled. i understand many many years ago it was unheard of that a woman kept their baby, it was just understood that you gave your child up, so many older people arent used to seing young woman being mothers. i just get so tired of peoples dirty looks. or old ladys tisking as i walk by. how do you all deal with others dissapproval. i try to react with dignity, but this is an issue that just makes me angry
firefly
at work, I would tell the customers that I dont discuss my personal life and that my story is not one to be used as an example.
OR if someone asks where your husband is, or if you have one, and you say no, and then they give you a rude resonse, I'd say "you know, I WAS married, but my husband was killed in Iraq."
Mean? maybe, but they dont know your story, and maybe that'd get them to think twice about assuming something about a stranger.
they WANT to make us feel like shit, we are going against the norm, we dont fit into a nuclear family with the SUV and the white picket fence, but it's OK that we're not that. i think it IS all about belittling us, making us feel inferior or dirty or whatever. but you know, there showing there ignorance in opening there mouths and spewing such shit.
it's just no cool to make assumptions and then judge people based on there experiences. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
what *I* do usually, when people ask where my bd is, or if we're married, is just kept it short, simple and sweet. they dont need details, its none of there business. i usually just say, "no we didnt get married, and we wont be, this was the right choice for me, and i'm happy with my life."
keep your head up mama.
p.s. im moving this to your stories :)
It's hard. I hate the looks, and comments.
I hold my head up and say, "I have nothing to be ashamed of about my life, and if YOU have a problem with it, you can go fuck off"
Granted, I wasn't working in customer service.
You could always go the Mrs. Manners route- and say, "Excuse me, did you just say 'xyz'. That's an extremly rude thing to say." And then leave quickly.
I've been a server for a long time, at a dennys of all places, so, surrounded by nosy old people every day. I always hated the phrase "unwed teen" I'm a smartass, and usually respond to that with, "I guess you'ld prefer your 16 year olds to all be married?" because that makes just about as much sense, you know?
When I was working as a server, I had poeple with the same additude,but generally, the old people got to know me, with coming in every day, and seeing me being a competent, adult, no matter how young I was. Often, the little old ladies would end up pulling me aside to tell me I was doing great, and it'll all be okay. But this was after serving the same people at the same place for a year. The people I found to be the worst were the young adults, the ones under 25, single and unmarried, but it could be men, or women. They were the ones I always got the snide remarks from, What, you're 20 and have a kid? And he's How old? I actually had a great cook, who was just as mean as hell to most people, and sort of scary looking, but I loved him. If he heard that people were harrassing me, he'd come out of the kitchen and yell at them. Lol.
I did work a graveyard shift, and I was the only server there, with no manager, until 7 am, so the situation was a little different. But I have so many horror stories to share.
Have you ever been to wwww.bitterwaitress.com? Anybody who's ever been a server should go there. its great..
It amazes me how rude people can be to one another.
:roll:
I got the same thing as well from people. I *was* married and my husband and I split up when I was pregnant, but as far as I'm concerned, that has nothing to do with any of it.
So, when people would say something to me, I'd just slap them back into their place with parts of my story and explain that, in my situation, it was much better to be a single mother -- that would get people to stop and think.
Also, now that my son is older, I get the comments like, "How did you get pregnant so young?" -- My response? "Well, I had sex." That's my FAVORITE response to use whenever possible!!
Since most of you know that me and BD have been having problems so were taking a break and im moving out, soo many people have been like "Why are you doing this? You had the perfect life an dyour just going to throw it all away because your too immature!" My reaction to that was "My life is NOT perfect. I am unhappy, and Im trying to change that. And your right, Im too immature so why should I rush into something that im not mature enough to deal with right now."
when i started at my current job i was worried bout what ppl would say. i work at a nursing home as a na and since cnas bond with the residents a lot to make the residents life better i was worred about mentioning my daughter and getting critisized by a resident for not being married... but i havent.. the elderly are a lot more open minded then i ever thought.. i do get asked by some if im married and i reply.."nope im not married and me and my daughter are very happy".. and they are more worried about wanting to see my daughter so they can play with her then what happened with me and her dad.