I'm scared to post this here. But I need help.
Last night I went out with friends. I didn't drive, someone else did. They started to drink and I said that I would be the driver, because I'm pregnant and I cannot drink. I promised them all I would I get them home safe and sound and to have the time of their lives.
-so far so good-
We are all minors. Security was called (we were in a public place) and they told me that we wouldn't get into trouble because we didn't have the drinks on us or such. But he told me that if I should drive them home, I'd be charged with an MIP because the drinks were in the car. And if I removed them, I'd still be charged with an MIP.
I had no car, no way home. Luckily there were quite a few people there that I knew. I had no problem catching a ride. I left my friends there, knowing they would have to find a ride.
I got home, turned off my cell, crawled into bed, and fell asleep. I felt like something was wrong...but I brushed it off.
This morning I was woken up from a phone call by one of my friends from the previous night. Apparently there was trouble in finding rides for all of my friends. They ended up waiting at a house for a ride home, finally getting one, and having to leave one friend behind. (They were coming to back to get this her when they dropped someone else off.)
Meanwhile this girl was forced to do many things. They locked her up. 10 guys raped her. They finally dropped her off at home.
The police came and did their report, she had a rape test done, the whole works.
I just feel guilty about everything. I know I probably couldn't have done anything to stop it. But I was her ride home. And I didn't.
People around here aren't believing her. Because she was drunk and has a child. They think she's doing it for attention. They think there's more to the story. There's not. Plain and simple.
I know it didn't happen to me. But it feels like they raped my trust. Like they raped my soul. I start to shake when I think about going outside. I want to throw up. I can't stop crying. I can only imagine what she's going through.
I don't know what to say to her or how to be there for her. I've apologized over and over. She didn't deserve it. No one does.
I'm a mess. A complete mess.
People keep on saying, "don't blame yourself." I can't help it. People want to talk about it. I don't. I just want them to leave me alone. I just want someone to hold me and reassure me that nothing like that will ever happen to me or my friends again. But no one can. Because it can happen, to anyone.