I'm scared to post this here. But I need help.
Last night I went out with friends. I didn't drive, someone else did. They started to drink and I said that I would be the driver, because I'm pregnant and I cannot drink. I promised them all I would I get them home safe and sound and to have the time of their lives.
-so far so good-
We are all minors. Security was called (we were in a public place) and they told me that we wouldn't get into trouble because we didn't have the drinks on us or such. But he told me that if I should drive them home, I'd be charged with an MIP because the drinks were in the car. And if I removed them, I'd still be charged with an MIP.
I had no car, no way home. Luckily there were quite a few people there that I knew. I had no problem catching a ride. I left my friends there, knowing they would have to find a ride.
I got home, turned off my cell, crawled into bed, and fell asleep. I felt like something was wrong...but I brushed it off.
This morning I was woken up from a phone call by one of my friends from the previous night. Apparently there was trouble in finding rides for all of my friends. They ended up waiting at a house for a ride home, finally getting one, and having to leave one friend behind. (They were coming to back to get this her when they dropped someone else off.)
Meanwhile this girl was forced to do many things. They locked her up. 10 guys raped her. They finally dropped her off at home.
The police came and did their report, she had a rape test done, the whole works.
I just feel guilty about everything. I know I probably couldn't have done anything to stop it. But I was her ride home. And I didn't.
People around here aren't believing her. Because she was drunk and has a child. They think she's doing it for attention. They think there's more to the story. There's not. Plain and simple.
I know it didn't happen to me. But it feels like they raped my trust. Like they raped my soul. I start to shake when I think about going outside. I want to throw up. I can't stop crying. I can only imagine what she's going through.
I don't know what to say to her or how to be there for her. I've apologized over and over. She didn't deserve it. No one does.
I'm a mess. A complete mess.
People keep on saying, "don't blame yourself." I can't help it. People want to talk about it. I don't. I just want them to leave me alone. I just want someone to hold me and reassure me that nothing like that will ever happen to me or my friends again. But no one can. Because it can happen, to anyone.
I don't know what to say. (((((((((hugs))))))))))) to you, and healing to your friend.
Is there a local Rape Crisis organisation that you can call for counselling and support for your friend and yourself? It can only help.
Please be gentle to yourself, I know you are feeling responsible, but it is NOT YOUR FAULT. You will only find support and love here, for you and your friend.
This is not your fault hunny. You did what you had to do. Just try to be there for your friend, she must be going through a very hard time right now. I cant imagine what you may be feeling as well but just know that this was in no way your fault! Im here for you! I know that your using the anonymousmama name but if you want to talk you can always PM me. HUGS!!
This is not your fault- there is no point in beating yourself up for it.
What you can do- let your friend know that you belive her and that you want to be there for her. As someone else said, maybe give her the number for a rape chrisis center and be there while she calls- or just be a sholder to cry on.
Ask her what she feels she needs, what you can do to help her out.
I'm so sorry about your friend. What happened was not your fault or her fault--it was the fault of the guys who raped her. Be there for her as much as you can. Make sure she knows that you believe her, even if others are doubting her.
Here's the 800# for a national rape crisis center:
1-800-656-HOPE
www.rainn.org
They can probably give you a referral to a local rape crisis hotline that she can call.
Best of luck to you and your friend. *hug* Hang in there, ok?
Add another one to the "Don't blame yourself" list. I know it's easier said than done, but YOU didn't rape her and YOU couldn't have control the actions of those guys. They were in the wrong and I hope are brought to justice. In the meantime be there for your friend, call the 800 number Jen posted and be there for her. She needs your support now more than ever, especially since people are doubting her. Hang in there.
The best thing for your friend right now is to get over the guilt and throw all your negative feelings into helping her out. She doesn't need a friend who feels guilty, she needs a friend to be there for her 100%. If you really feel bad, help her out. It's not your fault, as everyone else said, so just get rid of that idea. Concentrate on her. Bring her breakfast, watch her kid so she can take a shower (I took lots of showers after I was raped)... just be there. Hang in there, kid.
Mellie
OH hun this isn't your fault! You were doing what was best for you and your baby. Just try and support her as much as you can and see about a local Rape crisis center or helpline.
Anon, just wanting to check how things are going for your friend, and yourself. Sending you both love, and extra healing for your friend.