I don't believe in spanking. Thats not saying that I think I am better than someone who spanks, or even that i will *never* spank my child. who knows what the future holds? i hope that i will not, but i do understand why parents do. just wanted to say all of that before i start, so yall don't think i'm being judgemental or something.
anyway...it is really hard to stay firm in my beliefs, because people everywhere around me are telling me differently. My parents spanked me and my brothers, and spanked us excessively IMO. Because of this (i think) I am a violent person. When someone pisses me off, my first instinct is to either hit them or want to hit them. I don't ever ever ever want to pass that trait down to my daughter. I also don't think that it makes any sense to hit a child and then say "but you are not allowed to hit anyone". I think children will always do what we do, not what we say. Well, now my daughter is about to turn 3 and she is in a very grumpy, bossy, defiant stage. (oh, and whiny.very much so) and she is definately testing her boundaries. whenever i have friends around, they are constantly making comments about how i need to spank her, and i know they talk shit when i'm not around (like, J is such a brat, blah blah blah, she needs to spank her or she'll never listen, etc etc) . BD also thinks that we need to spank her or she will never take us seriously and "time out will only work for so long". it is very hard to continuously tell people, "this is why i dont spank. this is my kid and i will do what i want. " it really, really stresses me out. And then of course, i start thinking..what if they're right? am i just being naieve about this? who really knows? I take a lot of child development classes for my major, so i am always backing my ideas up with studies i read about in my textbooks but everyone seems to think thats such a joke and that you can't believe what you read because studies are constantly changing.
i guess i am just doubting myself and need some encouragement. Sorry this is so long but thanks for reading it.
Spanking
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Thu, 2004-08-19 02:20
#1
Spanking
I've been having the same issues lately. Apparently EVERYONE thinks I should be spanking my child, except me. She wouldn't have as many temper tantrums if I spanked her, she'd be more behaved in public, yadda yadda yadda. I will never be a spanker, I tried it once but it seems to me as if spanking is more of a way for the parent to let off steam rather than to "teach" the child anything. And it can get WAY out of hand. So I completely agree with you.
Mellie
I don't spank Zoe (although, I am tempted sometimes- but that's more out of anger than anything). But, there's a great series of books called Positive Disipline. They work pretty well for the Zoemeister.
I think, that although this may be a frustraiting time, you will find that in the future it will be better if you don't spank.
I know what you mean about having the instinct to hit when you are angry, I've always had that, too and I was also excessively spanked. The tempation will never go away, and it will get stronger and stronger as your child gets older and more able to upset you.
As far as other people, I suggest beginning serious behavior modification NOW so that your kid won't be out of control and you and others around you won't wonder if spanking may be the right thing. Have a plan for bad behavori and stick to it, if it doesn't work try something else.
I don't like spanking my children, but my husband does it all the time. Too often, in fact. Time outs work better for my child than spanking, and that's why I've been encouraging my husband to use those instead. I think people resort to spanking because it's a faster punishment. It's done and over with within a few seconds.
Once time outs no longer work, you can switch to grounding your child instead. My son sits in time out one minute for every year that he's lived. Because he's 2, he always sits in time out for 2 minutes, and I've found that it curbs his behavior better than spanking ever could.
I believe spanking a child will make them defiant towards their parents. A friend of the family has two children; a boy and a girl. The girl is defiant towards her parents because she was spanked as punishment. Their son, however, is very respectful towards them because he was given time outs as punishment for his bad behavior. The difference between them is enormous, and because of that, I encourage people to do time outs instead of spanking.
Like you, I do not think I am better than someone else for not spanking my children. I believe each adult should parent their children as they see fit.
I've spanked and felt like an asshole afterward.
I need to get my screaming under control.