im getting so frustrated with jeremy. im so bored and lonely and tired of being at home. "getting stuff done" is so hard and jeremy is not picking up any of the slack. he doesnt do dishes (last night he was kind enough to collect them from the living room and putting them in the already overflowing sink), laundry, feed the cat and doesnt understand why i dont/cant get that done when im home. he actually had the gall to say "did he just sleep more when your mom was here..." implying that ive just been too lazy when im by myself to maintain the household. he's smoking again because hes "stressed." hes pushing the sex issue too much. last night he didnt even offer to heat me up a plate of food though he prepared one for himself. i ate peanut butter from the jar for dinner. he thinks its absolutely nothing for me to come pick him up from work even though that means that lucien/i maybe napping or eating and those with have to be interrupted/delayed so i can get him in the car seat (which he hates) and drive when there are multiple public transportation options for him to get home. its so important for him to get home quickly so he can get on the computer which he has told me many times is what he does at work.
there are some nights when he hardly acknowledges my or lucien's presence. he'll come home and get on the computer. the other night he didnt even come inside for 30 minutes because he had a cigarette and was talking with his parents. my mom was here for a week and it was wonderful having someone here to help me and i wasnt sitting on my butt watching tv all day.
i feel so stupid and i dont know how to explain this to him with breaking down in tears (like i am now) or fucking killing him. i know i need to just say what ive posted here but im so horrible at expressing my feelings verbally. and all this time ive been dishing out advice but cant do that in my own situation. i wish i could just run away to my parents house but they are in the midwest. i love my son but i cant wait to go back to work so i can see other people and jeremy can see how fucking hard it is. and he wants to have 4 kids!