Yesterday was a bad day.
My friend was over hanging out with me after I took my NCLEX exam- Malik was still at the babysitter's. So BD called me and asked to see Malik so I told him I'd bring him by around 3:00. Then outa nowhere BD shows up at my house around 1:00 so I ran and locked the door because he's been a little crazy ever since we broke up. Anyways, he saw my friend- my GIRL friend- in the house and then he started getting all suspicious yelling through the door "who's in there with you?" I told him to just go away and I'd bring Malik at 3:00.
Well, after that I was thinking about not even bringing Malik over there but I did anyways because I knew that BD hadn't seen him in several days. When I got there I went in the apartment to get some of my purses that I had left there. Well, the house is all rearranged and it looks like he's got his cousins living there with him now- while I"M still paying rent! Anyways he started asking me about who I was with and I told him just my friend but he wasn't satisfied. I told him to get out of my face and I'd be back to pick Malik up around dinner time. Then he told me "you're not picking nobody up- this the last time you'll even see Malik". So I tried to get back in the apartment but he wouln't let me. So I told him "Look I'll be back at dinner time- have him ready please". Well, BD starts following me to my car asking if I'm seeing someone else. I told him again and again to go back in the apartment so I could go to my car. But this idiot keep harrassing me about seeing someone and Itold him it's none of his business. Then he pushed me right in my face. We argued some more and he pushed me in my face again. Then I swung on him and he slammed me on the ground. I tried to get up to the apartment so I could just take Malik home with me and ended up getting slammed on the ground again, and against the apartment building wall. So finally I just left and I told him I was calling the police- which I did.
So the cops got Malik back for me and file a report for the whole thing. BD wasn't even there when the cops came- he left Malik wth his cousins.
I don't even know where to go from here. How the hell am I gonna get all this shit when I just came to drop Malik off? I don't even like taking Malik over there but I do it anyways because I know BD loves him. And I feel so shitty for calling the cops but I did it because I need documentation in case we ever go back to court for custody or visitation.
What an asshole.
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Thu, 2004-11-11 08:20
#1
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You don't need to feel shitty for calling the cops--what he did to you was beyond wrong! You're not even together, so who you're seeing is none of his business. He had no right to get physical with you and make threats. Have you considered a temporary restraining order? Your bd sounds like he's pretty unstable right now, and while that may get better as time passes, you shouldn't have to be afraid for your safety when you're around him. Hang in there, ok?
I don't think a man like that should even have visitation rights. He sounds abusive and controlling and that's not the type of person you want around your kids. You should get a court order for him to seek counselling before any rights are given. Just my 2 cents.
you had every right to call the police. i think sometimes the love we see our bd's have for our children can cloud our judgement on the situation. while ive never been in the position you were in, i know i have backed out of or down, becuase all i really want is for my kid and her dad to have a great relationship. but you know what, it is not your responcibilty to play down in order for that to happen. he needs help, and he needs to understand that if he cant be a decent respectful human, than he cant see his kid. from the way it sounds, you do everything in your power to be civil with this guy, to let him see his kid... while he shits on you. malik sees that, and he knows.
i think you are very strong, and the love you have for your kid will win in the end.
Then he told me "you're not picking nobody up- this the last time you'll even see Malik". So I tried to get back in the apartment but he wouln't let me.
OMG - I would totally take a threat like that seriously. Don't give him the opportunity by leaving your son alone with him. My husband was kidnapped from his mom by his dad when he was three. His grandfather had to hire a private investigator to find him and bring him back. I am so sorry you are going through this, mama. He sounds like an abusive guy. If I were you, I would not let him see Malik, or supervised visits only. It can be hard to cut off the relationship between your child and their dad, but sometimes you have to in order to protect them and yourself.
listen to me!
do not....and i mean DO NOT feel bad.
you prolly will anyway, but you shouldnt!!!!
if he is manipulating you and doing this what will he do to your baby???
i was in an abusive relationship. it finally ended with a huge incident. at the time i felt like if i didnt fight it wouldnt be as bad as if i made it a big deal. if i blew it off it would go away. finally a friend told me to image my bf was abusing my daughter. how would i react? she said i should have the same love for myself as i do my daughter. never let your safety take a back seat. if you struggle with guilt , definately remember, what if that was your boy, be slammed on the ground, you would not feel guilty about calling the police.