Today while my mom and her boyfriend of 10 years screamed at each other at the end of the apartment, quite loud enough for me to hear, and obviously Kaylee too, I found myself in tears while Kaylee smiled and cooed so lovingly at me, which only made things worse.
My mom needs to leave her boyfriend, and only lacks the courage to leave whats famliar. I know she will, but I just dont know that I can wait for her. Ive told her that if by the end of December, she cant call the relationship quits, that I have to move out. Mostly, because I know, as long as they are together, there will be much yelling cussing, mess and choas, and I just dont want my daughter to grow up around that. I feel like Im blackmailing her, but I really just need whats best for my daughter.
The problem with that is, if I do move out, I wont be able to go back to school like I planned next year, or even work. I wont be able to afford rent, and daycare, so Ill have to go on Social Assistence, and Ill be stuck in a dead end. I dont want that for my daughter or me, but I dont feel like I have any other choice. I knew being a mother was going to be hard, I just didnt realize that the support I was counting on was going to fall apart, and now I just feel so alone.
I know my mom loves me, and Kaylee, but I cant ask her to give up what she wants in life, or to make herself do something she cant, for me. Its not fair. Kaylees father has mental issues that makes it dangerous for him to be around her unsupervised, so hes no help, and my dad isnt even speaking to me. Most of my friends disappeared when I got pregnant, and of those who didnt, Im convinced half of them are only still there to oooo and awww over my baby!
Ive had an extremely soap-operish, stressful, just generly bad life, full of everything from physical abuse, to drug abuse, to love triangles, to betrayel and worse, I dont want that for my daughter, and Im devestaed to think that it could be all I have to offer.
Im worried sick that I cant do this, and my confidence is withering away. Im trying so hard not to cry, Im exhausted. And its not that Kaylee isnt sleeping, or letting me sleep, its just the emotional drain. What a horrible way to spend Christmas, throwing up from stress. I just dont know how Im going to do this..
I just needed to get that off my chest. I dont know what else to do.
Your right, that kind of environment is not good for your daughter. It is proven that it DOES affect the child early on when there is yelling/fighting going on in the household. She deff. does not need that.
No one wants to be on public assistance, my son is on Medicaid, but there is nothing wrong with that, it's for people to use when they fall on hard times, it's the people that LIVE off of it as long as they can that abuse it. It's there for you to be able to get on your feet, go to school, and then get a good job. Then you won't need public assistance anymore. The faster you do it the better, for your sake andyour daughters. I have been around my son 24/7 for 13 months, and let me tell you, if I even tried to put him in daycare we would have a demon child on our hands, he is attached to my hip! Almost listerally lol.
But it comes down to doing what you NEED to do not what you WANT.
It's hard when a parent isn't be the rock we want them to be. I'm sorry your mom feels like she needs to stay in a bad relationship. But, whatever self esteem issues she has, you can't fix.
It's great that you recognize what your daughter needs and what you want for her. You can be successful at parenting, even if it seems the odds are against you. Many of us here have gotten by with the help of public assitance, and there is no shame in needing help. And if that's not an option, there are many of us here who have gotten by without the help of parents or government support.
Im on my own, without my parents help at all. I have been since my daughter was born. Its really hard, but you can do it. Im on WIC and it helps a lot. Im trying to get food stamps right now, which im sure i will be able to, since i barely make any money right now since im in school most of the day. Its hard work being on your own, but if your mental health and your daughters mental health relies on it, you will be okay sweetie. If you need anything, PM me.
Girl I have gone through some things that you have and it may seem that you cant make it but you CAN!! Remember you have all our support!!! I hope things work out... If you want to talk just PM!!
It is true that a yelling environment is not good. My parents hopnestly should have not gotten married and thereason my mom took 20 years to divorce him is because she thought that "the perfect family" was what we need when really it was perfect in public and then behind closed doors is when shit happened. I would say that hearing all the yelling and fighting and leaving and crape has made me have NO respect for my father and sometimes I can't deal with yelling and I either break down or just FLIP!! So in the end like someone else said things might be hard but the choice should be made by you and WHAT you need to do!
Good luck and KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ALWAYS!!!
Im sorry you are going through hard times right now. Have you tried talking to your mom about why you don't want to live there with both of them? The only thing you wrote is that you said you were leaving by the end of Dec. if she hasn't left her boyfriend. If you do decide to leave, public assistance can help with housing, food and daycare. Even if that isn't how you want to live, it's there to help at least until you finish school and can get a job where you make enough money to make it on your own. Being a young mom trying to make it on your own is hard and no one here will look down onyou for using the assistance that is there. You can do this! I know htat you have more to offer your child than what you had, just because you don't want her around the yelling and you will do anything for her mental well being. Good luck!!!! pm me if you wanna talk ((((hugs))))
Its great that you guys are so supportive, I dont know what Id do if I hadnt found this site. Funny how you find out who your true friends are when you get pregnant.
The thing that got me the most, was JonathansMommy's comment, "But it comes down to doing what you NEED to do not what you WANT." and I dont think there could have been a better way to put it.
As much as I hate the thought of going on assistence, I think its where Im going to end up, and it is what I need to do. I dont mean to 'look down' on those who are on it, by any means, my mom is on it. I had just hoped I could pull through on my own salary, and money I worked for.
I had talked to my mom about why I felt I had to leave, and its obvious that she wants to leave her boyfriend, but shes just having a really hard time. I just cant wait for her. Im having a hard time waiting until teh end of Dec. for her decision, for the reason that I keep watching her boyfriend cuddle, and stare at Kaylee, and I dont like the thought of Kaylee getting attached to him if hes not going to be there. Which, one way or another, hes not.
At this point, I may move out on my own, even if she does leave the bad boyfriend. Im lost, and confused, and happy at the same time. Really, the support I have found here, is more then I ever could have asked for.
Thank you.