i want to ask advice on cheating. i really have honestly no one to ask
since my friends are almost too single and too busy..
my boyfriend, who is my sons dad, has moved to another area , city
to work. a couple of months back he sent a 'friendster' msg to his
ex gf, the one we usually fite about, and she sent me another msg
saying 'tel ur bf to stop msgng me coz he makes me vomit.'
i almost stopped communicating w/ him for almost 3 mos. it was really
hard considring the fact we are far from each other and were
supposed to get married. he told me he just sent her a 'how are u flirt'
msg.
so that was that.
and then just today i opened his yahoo messenger and saw that he had put
the city she was in, in his "weather forecast" section along w/ my city
and his.
i remmeber i told him a couple of weeks ago to put me in his weather
forecast so we could compare weathers w/c one is hotter or colder.
when i saw this, i just blacked out for a few seconds, and i felt dizzy.
i emailed him this long letter that i told him, for almost 2 years i never
would believe he was still in love w/ her but i think he still is. theyre
not even friends, and to think the city that the girl is living in is the
same city she is living in w/ her bf. and my bf even knows this fact. yet
it doesnt seem to stop him at all.
i am completely and utterly heartbroken. i feel i just for the heck
cannot trust him anymore. i want to. so bad. i depend on him
financially for my babys milk and diapers and i thought all was going
well. i am starting to cry here.
if u have any advice or time please msg me, thank you.
Oh sweetie, I am sorry, that is a hard one. Trust is the #1 thing when doing a long distance relationship. ( I have been apart from my boyfriend for almost 5 months now. ) You need to talk to him and tell him that it bothers you that he talks to her, like you said, she lives with her boyfriend, AND she let YOU know when HE messaged her. So obviousely she wants nothing to do with him. Tell him he needs to let go of the past and stop talking to his ex. because if he doesn't it might cost him you guys relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been together since I was 6 months pregnant. After I had my son I found out that his ex was calling him, well TWO of his exes. He didn't tell me because he knew it would bother me. That hurt me more, the fact that he kept it from me. Sadly, when I saw what his exes looked like, I LAUGHED and told him that if he wanted them GO AHEAD and have them, because I would laugh in his face and leave him. They were SO UGLY. He showed me his emailed, ingoing and outgoing. It was inncoent on his part, they were the ones being whores.
Trust and communication are #1 when you are apart. What about taking a break while you guys are apart? He needs to realize what he has, and doing something stupid and talking to an ex can cause him to loose his family!
It sounds like you don't trust him, and I wouldn't either. With him so far away, there may be other girls near him that he actually is cheating on you with. You need to talk to him about it and try to get some answers from him. Do not plan a marriage with him until you have clarity, feel like you can trust him again, and are 100% CERTAIN that is what you want to do. I'm really sorry you are going through this. It hurts so much when someone is unfaithful to you. I hope everything get's worked out for you. You mentioned that you depend on him for milk and diapers. Don't let your boyfriend's financial support rope you in. If you have to, you can do it by yourself. Good luck, mama!
I agree, trust is the #1 thing in a relationship whether you are apart or whatever your situation is! If you cannot trust him with things like just messaging, how would you be able to trust him if you heard that he actually did cheat on you? My bd always would lie to me about little things like where he was or who he was with, just stupid things that I wouldn't even care about if he told me the truth. But I would get mad because he lied about it and he wondered why. He went to a party where his ex gf was and I asked him the next day if he cheated on me with her, but he told me they didn't even talk. I heard from one of our mutual friends that he kissed her, I confronted him and he lied about it, then a few hours later admitted to it. I wouldn't call what your bf is doing is cheating, but I would say that it is wrong, very wrong. Since you have told him how you feel about this, he should respect how you feel. If he doesn't I htink there is something wrong. I am soo sorry that you are going through this, I know it sucks. Bd used to do the same shit to me. I would talk to him once more about how this makes you feel. If you want to talk, pm me!
girlmom is a feminist website, so insulting womens' appearances and referring to them or their sexual behavior in a derogatory manner isn't appropriate. we also support women who choose to do sex work, and using the word "whore" negatively (a word that has been reclaimed by some sex workers to describe themselves) is insulting to those women.
it's okay to be frustrated with another woman's behavior. it's okay to be angry at something that another woman has done. but expressing that anger or frustration by insulting their looks or sexual choices just reinforces the societal standards that allow OUR looks and sexuality to be judged. think of the insecurity that is fed to us by the media, by thin perfect airbrushed models in magazines. we don't want to make other people feel bad for not living up to the impossible beauty standards that quite often make US feel bad, you know? and think about the double standards for women and men when it comes to sex. haven't "slut," "whore," and other words like that been used against US? what does it really do besides hurt us? lets all work together to abolish anti-woman language that only comes back to bite us in the ass. instead, we can focus on communicating clearly why a person's behavior isn't okay with us, rather than resorting to vague, generic anti-woman insults.
I know julie its bad enough but sometimes its unnerving
that some girls would go and act as if they wanna make
homewrecking a career. have we run out of single guys or
even divorcees? i think not.
as for now i think my heart has closed up. im afraid i dnt
wanna hear his explanations. i can sell this computer if he
refuses to send any more money, can sell a whole lot of
other things coz frankly, i really dont care anymore. im also
afraid of believing him, and im really the type who wants
to believe in everything just to not get hurt. i wanna delude myself.
but im just so sick and tired of this ex gf thing of his. i saw her, she
aint ugly, from what i know shes even proud to be a hooter girl,
and i think my bf is proud that she is a hooter girl. well whatever, my
boobs are big enough but im too shy to flaunt them and i can never
ever be his hooter girl. i used to grab him by two feet and hide his
sneakers whenever he says he wants to leave. but now i might
as well help him pack. 2 years girls. its not my fault she was a cheat,
she broke his heart and slept with who knows how many men, i tried
being what she wasnt, and what i thought he would appreciate, but
in the end i guess i can never be good enough, im just so sick and tired
of it. i dont have to pay for his bad relationship.
i hope im strong enough to stand by my words. i admit im too embarassed to tell my friends or even parents about it. i cant imagine
sleeping in the same bed with a man who im not sure if he loves me
or not. its like being in a state of doubt the whole time. i told him i wish
they would be together. what really hurts is he tells me he loves me
and he works hard so we can get married together with the baby.
why lie to me.. i never did anyhing to deserve his lies. ive been led
to believe that he loved me but the things he does behind my back screws it up.
so what if i dont get married. i can get stuck in my hick town, probably
even get buried in the ground of my parents house...its all better than
being anxious all the time, :cry:
i just came to a point in my life where i give up coz nobody should live
like this especially when youre 23 with a baby and everyone else is
having the time of their lives while youre bent working overtime to make
ends meet. but its all right. my babys smile makes up for a lot of my
pain..