My BD and I don't live together or anything, but he often visits to see me. We have been arguing quite a bit, but it's over stupid, little things. I love him so much, but he's always picking on me. I want this to work for the baby but all I'm getting from him is arguments. He works for it's probably just work stress, right? I want to be with him because we do have good days and those good days are awsome, but what should I do? :(
i dont know you or your situation. but you dont sound happy to me. you mentioned trying to make things work for the sake of the baby. i can definantely feel for that. but not at the expense of your own happiness. maybe you could sit down with him and explain how you feel and whats gonig to happen if the fights dont stop. i mean you cant be the only one who wants this or is working for it. maybe you could explain some more about your relationship. sorry i dont have any clear advice other than to do what feels right, make a desicion you can live with
melissa
Actually what you said did help. I have never thought of actually sitting down and talking to him. That may help. Here is a little history on us:
When I was 13 I met him at a pizza place where he was working at the time. I went frequently just to look at him because he was cute. After about 5 weeks of doing that he came up to me and talked to me. We started going out in the next 2 weeks. Well we have been together for about 10 months now. He is an amazing guy. He makes me laugh, helps me with anything I need, and is very loving. Well we had sex one time and a few weeks after that I found out I was pregnant. When I told him he didn't talk to me for about a month. Out of nowhere I got this call from him saying that he was sorry for that "pause" and that he just needed to think somethings through. I understood seeing as how I threw a HUGE bomb on him. He was different though. He didn't think I noticed but I did. He wouldn't call me as much or come over as often. He works more now and he is often too tired to follow through with some of our plans. He has been this way for a little while now, but we have good days where he is my night and shining armor again. Once those few 2-4 days go by he goes back to his wierd self again. When he is all wierd like that we fight pretty often and we also go on more of those "pauses". It so frustrating! Why can't he stay that night and shining armor kind of boyfriend I have loved all there months?
No offense, but I don't think that it is fair to you that he desides to just have all of these little "pauses" This is just my opinion,but I think that if he is going to be there, then he needs to be there, not just when he feels like it. Sorry if that sounded rude, but I was in a relationship with my daughters father where he just wanted to be there for us when it was convenient for him and he went out with his friends for like 2 or 3 days at a time. HE would then come back for a day or 2. That sounds like how your situation is. I don't know what he is doing in those "pauses", it doesn't sound like you know either. If you don't mind me asking, Did you decide to go through with the pregnancy, are you still pregnant, did you have the baby? Sorry for all the questions. LIke firefly said, it doesn't sound like your happy. I wold definately talk to him, if you haven't already.
I also don't think it's fair for him to just put you on "pause" when he feels like it. You said you understood him cutting off contact for a month be cause YOU dropped a big bomb on HIM. What about you though sweetie?? You are having to deal with all of this too- assuming you are pregnant at this time as it sounds in your post. If you have this talk to him, explain to him that it is not fair for him to treat you this way. It sounds like you all need more communication, as there is some reason he is acting this way yet he is not telling you what's going on. I would like to elaborate more but I gotta go to bed so I can work in the morning. Why don't you tell us a little more about what's going on with your pregnancy or baby so we can help more? Best of luck to you and remember that you are a beautiful person who deserves to be treated with respect and honesty.
He doesnt sound like he treats you with respect. You shouldn't stay with someone just for the baby, because that rarely works.
It's ok Steph. I know your just trying to understand what's going on. It didn't sound rude. No, I'm sure what he does on those pauses because we absolutly no contact. As for your questions. I'm 3 months pregnant right now and have decided to keep it. I don't mind the questions at all. No, I'm not too happy but as of right now we aren't together anymore. We sat down and talked and I decided it would be best if we were no longer together. After we were talkng and everything he picks a fight with me again, so I let him go. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done and I still don't feel so great about it now, but I was afraid he was going to hit me or something when he was in rage mode so I got out of that.
Thank you everyone for all your help! You all have helped me come to a good conclusion about my relationship. Thank you everyone! :hug:
Im so glad you made the decision that was right for you! I wish you luck! You will do great!
Thanks RileysMama2B16. I still feel kinda sour about it, but I feel better on the inside and I feel I can do more for myself and the child.
Good for you for having the insight to get out of this as soon as you did! I stayed with my BD for waaaaaay too long. He acted the same way- here one day, gone the other. I went through so much trying to keep him together and trying to turn him into the partner and father that I wanted him to be, and it never happened. I know it's hard to make that choice, just make sure you don't let him come back and persuade you to go back to him if you know you shouldn't- I did that time and time again too.
I am really proud of you. Good luck with everything- you are one amazing girl!
I just responded to your original post about the abusive relationship. I think you handled everything wonderfully, you are very strong and intelligent. Good luck with everything!
Do you have any names picked out yet? (goes searching for that message, lol)
- Susie
That sounded like me! I was sticking around thinking,"Today is the day. Today he is going to be the wonder boyfriend/father I want him to be." I would eveything to make him happy so he could see I was willing to do anything for us, but what I didn't relize is that he wasn't giving us that much energy or time. I was so sure he would come around. Maybe it was that, "I love you babe and I'll always be here for you, etc..." that got to me everytime. Anyways thanks for your kind, helpful words and advice. You all here have truly helped and changed me for the better. Thank you!
Thanks suziekluze! :D I haven't picked out a name yet. I look to the "Name Game" sometimes for suggestions. I looked at baby name websites and everything though. There are so many names to choose from and you only get 1 chance to name your baby! My baby may end up with 2 middle names or a double first name (i.e. Mary Anne). How did you name your child(ren)?