Let's work together to create an article we can put on the front page about how parents or guardians can best support us upon the discovery of a pregnancy and throughout whatever choice we make.
after everyone who wants to contributes, we can put all of the responses together. that way parents who come to GM can read the article, and members and anyone else who finds it can show it to their parents.
What was your experience?
What was good?
What was bad?
What were you afraid of?
Looking back, how do you wish your parents/guardians/etc. had reacted?
What advice would you give parents/guardians/etc. about the best ways to respond and be supportive?
What was your experience? I never got the chance to plan out how I was going to tell my parents. My mom was listening in on one of my phone calls to my BD (I didn't know that at the time) so she overheard, and she freaked out and told that if I didn't get an abortion I could go live with my dad. Which I did. He didn't freak out at all and said that he wouldn't let anyone force me to do anything I didn't want to.
What was good? The good part was that my dad supported me 100%
What was bad? My mom just wouldn't sit down and listen to what I was really feeling and wouldn't calm down enough to even have a civil conversation.
What were you afraid of? I was afraid of telling my mom cause I knew that she would freak out!
Looking back, how do you wish your parents/guardians/etc. had reacted?
What advice would you give parents/guardians/etc. about the best ways to respond and be supportive?
I wish that my mom would have just calmed down enough to really sit down and have a decent conversation. I think if she would have calmed down, then she would have been better able to listen to how I was feeling. I wish she would have supported my choice, and been there for me when I needed her during my pregnancy and not just at the birth of my daughter.
To parents: I think it's best to let your daughter get her feelings out. And then have her listen to Your concerns. Realize that your daughter is not the first nor the last young woman to be in this situation. And also realize it's not "the end of the world" It's always best to listen
This is GREAT!!!!!
What was your experience? I was terrified, and felt so alone when I found out I was pregnant a couple of months after I turned 16. Telling my parents was the hardest part. I felt like I had ruined their lives, along with my own. They made it clear that I had made a big mistake, and that whatever I chose would affect me for the rest of my life. My mom pushed adoption, but let me make my decision to keep my daughter.
What was good? In the end, my parents became supportive, and they now love my daughter a LOT.
What was bad? In the beginning, they treated me really bad and yelled and said how much I disapointed them and ruined my life. My dad didnt talk to me for a few weeks.
What were you afraid of? I was afraid that my parents wouldnt ever love me again, or my child. (Luckily they did come around.)
Looking back, how do you wish your parents/guardians/etc. had reacted? I wish that they would have been more supportive in the beginning. I was terrified, and tehir reaction made it so much harder on me. If I just knew that everything would be okay, it would have been a lot easier on me. I needed their support and unconditional love.
What advice would you give parents/guardians/etc. about the best ways to respond and be supportive? LISTEN!!! And let you child know that you will be there no matter what. Let them make their own decisions about the pregnancy (abortion, adoption, raising the child), and let them make their own decisions on how to raise the child if they decide. If they decide to parent, help them to do whatever they can to make the transition into parenthood easier. If they place for adoption, encourage them to grieve properly if they need to, and let them heal. If they abort, support them. Let them know that you understand and that your there if they need to talk.
What was your experience? i was scared and i felt hopeless. i was soo scared to tell my mom that i was pregnant that i ran away and lived on the streets. i finaly told my mom over the phone. she was mad and cried a whole lot. my sister kept bring up adoption. i didnt feel loved by them anymore, so i stayed on the streets. based on their actions, i will never go home.
What was good? my parents eventually came around to love my daughter
What was bad? they still think i was wrong and that keeps us apart
What were you afraid of? i was afraid of them because they always told me that i was going to hell if i got pregnant, i knew they would take my baby away if i told them.
Looking back, how do you wish your parents/guardians/etc. had reacted? alot different. my parents didnt realize that , i was their daughter and i need love and support. i wish my mom believed in me. i wish my family realized i am the one who gets to make the desicions. not that my pregnancy was a family matter to be dealt with by the family.
What advice would you give parents/guardians/etc. about the best ways to respond and be supportive? dont tell your teens that you will do " such and such" if they ever become a teen mom. because it might happen to you, and your little girl might never come back , like me. be supportive and dont push one option over another, her desicion may hurt you but it will effect her for the rest of her life, she should decide what she can live with. never bully your teen or give them ultimatums, because they always backfire. get over your opinion, it doesnt matter, you arent the one whos about to be a mom. i know as a parent you are used to having control and being incharge, that will change, its not a power struggle, its only natural for your pregnant teen to need her space and be able to run her own life, soon she will be running someone elses life. love them unconditionaly.
What was your experience? I was afraid that they would be dissappointed, think i was an embarrasment or a loser. They were embarrased to tell their own parents which made me feel even worse. They seemed disappointed but after it sunk in for a while, they started to get excited and were very supportive . bd wasn't there for me,but they were always there and always made that apparent.
What was good? They stayed calm, didn't freak out or start yelling. supported me and loved me through it all. my mom came with me to my dr. appts.
What was bad? My dad wouldn't talk to me for about a week. but he came around. for a while my mom was pushing adoption, and it would make me start sobbing uncontrollably everytime she brought it up. eventually she dropped it and accepted the fact that i was going to keep my baby.
What were you afraid of? disappointing them,
Looking back, how do you wish your parents/guardians/etc. had reacted? i think they did a pretty good job. i can't blame them for being upset in the beginning, and they came around. they never acted like it was the end of the world.
What advice would you give parents/guardians/etc. about the best ways to respond and be supportive? Dont start bringing up abortion/adoption unless they have made that choice themselves. be supportive of WHATEVER their choice is. let them know that you love them and dont think they're a loser or a disappointment.
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What was your experience? I was raped which my mother figured out from a phone convo. she was listening too, but decided not to mention that she knew until i was ready to talk about it. normal pregnany symptoms occured and i finally went to her.
What was good? she and the rest of (most of) my family was totally supportive.
What was bad? most of my friends and community did not believe me and wanted nothing to do with me.
What were you afraid of? At first, I was just scared in general. I had support from day # 1, but i was worried about loosing respect from people outside my family.
Looking back, how do you wish your parents/guardians/etc. had reacted? My dad made some nasty comments from time to time and i wish he had accepted from the beginning what had happened. He was ok with the pregnancy, but refused to accept how it had happened. I wish he had a more open and understanding mind.
What advice would you give parents/guardians/etc. about the best ways to respond and be supportive? You daughter will learn about her rights as a parent teen with or without you. Therefore, she will make a choice that is based on her best interested with or without you. If you choose to refuse or not accept that choice you, as a parent, could not only loose the respect of your child, if your child decides to continue her pregnancy and keep her child you will miss out on the experiences you might have with your future grandchild, which should be treasured. If your child goes against your personal wishes in anyway you should understand that she has most assuredly had some deep thinking sessions about what is best for her, and as her mother/father, please respect that.
sorry for the speeling and grammical errors.
What was your experience? When I was 18 I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified. The first person I told was my boyfriend and he freaked out, saying that we HAD to have an abortion. I told him that wasn't the choice for me and proceeded to call my mom and give her the news. She was extremely supportive. I was REALLY surprised. Then I visited my step mom and had HER tell my father. My dad called me later on ... said we needed to talk... I just about shit my pants. Lemme tell you, my dad has a BAD temper. He was always the authoritarian in my family. He said was goes. He brought me for a drive in his truck and just snapped. He screamed, calling me immature and too young and saying that I HAD to have an abortion... and that I was irresponsible and couldn't raise kids and blah blah blah. I was bawling uncontrollably and I told him I WASN'T going to have an abortion. And that I WAS going to carry on with my pregnancy. Throughout the remainder of my pregnancy my father could barely look at me... He never wanted to feel the fetus kick either. But now, I was two beautiful children. And my dad loves them to death. I think he may regret, deep down inside, the way he treated me.
What was good? My mother's support. Chris, my boyfriend, also came around and apologized, and supported me throughout both of my pregancies.
What was bad? My dad's temper... he really didn't need to flip out on me the way he did...
What were you afraid of? I was afraid of being a failure... I was afraid that my father was right....
Looking back, how do you wish your parents/guardians/etc. had reacted? I wish my father had've been more supportive. I really needed a hug... not a full-blown argument. I needed to know that I was loved and that no matter what choice I made... that my family would always be there for me. I felt as though my father shunned me throughout most of my first pregnancy... But now I see that he was just in denial that his little girl was growing up... and starting a family. And I think it would be a shock and a threat to most any father in his situation. I just wish he would've controlled his temper. It was outrageous.
What advice would you give parents/guardians/etc. about the best ways to respond and be supportive? Stay calm... let your kid know you love them and will support them throughout any choice they make... inform them of the options they do have and help them research them. Control your temper.... If you feel overwhelmed... give it a few days. Think about it, before acting on it. Just show some love... don't act like it's the end of the world... cause it's not.
Two typos:
"He said was goes." - He said WHAT goes.
"I was two beautiful children." - I HAVE two beautiful children...
If someone can fix em up for me that would rock.
What was your experience? I found out I was pregnant, told the father, then told my father. We live 3 hours away from my mother, and I didn't want to tell her over the phone, so we drove up that weekend to tell her. I was scared, but I was confident. I'd seen my older sister struggle with being a young mother, but she made it through it with a lot of support and love. Seeing how much my sister loved her children, I knew that age doesn't always determine a success story with parenting. I was more scared of my parent's reactions then I was of having a child.
What was good? My father was ecstatic. He loves grandchildren, and he had the highest confidence that I would be a great mother. When I told him, he jumped up and gave me a hug and started crying, he was that happy for me.
What was bad? The look my mother had when I told her. She was disappointed in me. She wouldn't even talk to me, hug me, or tell me she loved me for the entire visit. Even though my sister had done well, she thought I'd be the one that did it traditionally, finished school, got a good job, got married and had children. She had the highest hopes for me, and when she found out I was pregnant - her hopes shattered. She looked at me as if I had ruined my life, and that I'd never amount to anything. It hurt, it still hurts to this day. Even though I've proved myself as a mother, I still resent her that she didn't have the confidence in me in the beginning. I was scared enough as it was, it was the last thing I needed and the thing that would least help me.
What were you afraid of? I was afraid of everything - it was a whole new world; I was terrified. I knew I could do it, but facing it from the beginning is just the scariest thing you can do. I was afraid of not having emotional support - I was afraid of having to go through it without my parent's blessing and love. I was afraid it would prove my parents love to be conditional, and that they would lose hope in me at the first disappointment. I wasn't afraid at my ability to be a mother or still succeed in life, I was just afraid that everyone else would try their best to destroy that confidence.
Looking back, how do you wish your parents/guardians/etc. had reacted? I wish my mother had enough confidence and love for who I was, to realize that it was a blessing. I'll never forget the look she gave me, nor will I ever forgive it. She'll never ask for forgiveness anyways. I'm her daughter, she should be there for me when I need it the most, not sitting there looking at me as if I all of a sudden became a failure. It was like I wasn't even her daughter any more, and it's destroyed the relationship we had. We were so close back then, but she didn't believe in me or give me the love and support I needed at a time that I needed it the most, and there will always be a wall between us now.
What advice would you give parents/guardians/etc. about the best ways to respond and be supportive? Don't get angry, don't get hurt or upset. It's not about you. Your daughter is probably the most scared she's ever been, probably more scared about how you'll react, then to the actual pregnancy itself. No child should ever be scared of their parents reaction, so don't act on emotion. Realize, that what's done is done, and instead of looking at the what ifs, the should have/could have/would have's, show your daughter that you still love her and will be there for her, because that's what she needs the most. Don't do what my mother did, don't prove your love to be conditional. Don't make your daughter lose faith in you, because you lost faith in her. She'll flourish, and do great - but not if you shoot down her confidence instead of helping her build it up. Be there for her, regardless of what you think, and NEVER call her a disappointment for her mistake. Children are a blessing, no matter what form they come in. She'll be a great mother, if you show her that you think she can be.