I feel horrible, but theirs a part of me that still misses BD. I mean, he hurt me so much and I can never come to terms with what he did to me, but a part of me will never stop loving him. He was my first and only love. I gave my entire heart and soul to him and he stomped all over it, but a part of me wants to give it right back to him. When I saw him, I melted. I wanted to bad to be in his arms. I feel naive and stupid for even saying this. I am supposed to be strong. I need to be strong, and here I am falling for him all over again. I dont know what to do. I know that I can never forgive him for what he did to me. I just feel like Im a failure for even thinking these thoughts.
You're not a failure at all. I've noticed, in my history of leaving fucked up boyfriends, that after a certain amount of time passes, I stop "remembering" the bad things, and only think about the good things.
I think that allowing ourselves to miss the good things, to think about what was good about it (because that can help us realize what we are ACTUALLY looking for, rather than the good things with the horrible abusive things, just the good things, kwim?), to allow ourselves to be lonely. I think that not allowing ourselves to experience lonelyness makes us jump into bad relationships too quickly.
You will find others to love. It's just not time yet, your mind needs to heal from what has happend. Give yourself that time. Allow yourself to experience whatever emotions you feel-- THEY ARE ALWAYS VALID-- but examine them and look at what a reasonable responce to them is.
Kat, you said it perfect. Steph, you are not a failure! You are one of the strongest people I know. When katg said "Ive noticed... I stop remembering the bad things,and only think about the good things" That is sooo true for me. And I think alot of other people too. If you need to talk about this, pm me- I miss my bd soo much, but I just can't go back to him. So I think we probably have alot of the same feelings.
Thanks to both of you! I really need the support. I appreciate it.
I know what you mean. I felt that way about Taylor's dad for a very long time.The whole time I was pregnant and for a long time after I had her.I wouldn't see other people, I wouldn't go out at all unless it was with him. Whenever he called I went running.No matter what he wanted I did it.
That was four years ago.Now I hate him for all that he has put me and my daughter through.I do still care about him but I do not love him. I don't even like being around him.
You will get over this hun. You will realize that he isn't the person for you and you will see that you deserve better.It just takes time. Let me know if you need somoene to talk to .Feel free to PM me anytime!
((( big hugs )))
i know its sad to have someone you were so close to , and have them standing on the outside of your life. feeling lonely and wishing for the " good old days" isnt wrong, it isnt weak. its normal. sometimes i feel that way about my family( not the same i know) i see them and i remember living with them and all the love and wonderful memories, i forget all about the abandoment and the ugly words. but you know every time i go back and give them a chance, i remember. it always comes back. so i just keep going, i enjoy my good memories but i try to remember why it is that im not with them anymore. he may have been your first but he wont be your last. for every flaw he had there wil definately be someone better. its ok to feel however you want to.
With my ex, I make an effort to remember the good times, otherwise I wouldn't be able to control myself. Also, remembering the good times makes me feel less stupid for being with him and makes me feel like I didn't exactly waste those 7 years of my life.
Thats actually really helpful. In the beginning, after the abuse happened, I would tell myself that I was a stupid for being so naive and ignorent. I blamed myself. It was hard not to, when everyone would say "he MUST have showed some signs. You probably just didnt want to see them." I felt like it was all my fault, and to be honest, I still kind of do. Im still trying to work all this out and remembering the good stuff, along with the bad, helps me to remember that its not my fault. Thank you.
I am going to PM you now with some thoughts.
I know exactly how you are feeling, Even though Tony scared me to death and stalked me and whatever I still miss the good times we had, and he did horrible things too.
You are not a failure you are a wonderful person/mama with a bright future ahead of you, you will do well in life and sometimes we long for the things we know we cannot have but in those moments we need to push those feelings aside and move towards the future.
Know we are always here for you whenever you need us!
I think we miss the times we had with that person not always the person, kwim? we miss being with them, laying in their arms, laughing and doing things with one another, maybe even being a family, but we don't necisarily miss the abuse or hurt that they cause, because in the end that is ALL of them. just because you miss being with them doesn't mean you miss them. i would think thats normal coming out of any relationship...