I've kept this hidden for a while, mainly because I was afraid that my husband or one of his friends might stumble upon this site.
I left him a month ago. Me and my three kids are living with my parents now.
I've had a few people IRL tell me I should go back to him, because he doesn't hit me or abuse the kids, that an unhappy marriage is still better than being a single mom of three children. And believe me, I'm terrified, and there are some nights when I just want to suck it all up and go back to him.
He's cheated on me four times in six years. He's continously told me that I needed to diet because he doesn't want to be married to a fat wife, that I would be pretty if I wore makeup, or different clothes. He's openly flirted with other women, including my best friend. He used to wrestle with my sister, and while wrestling he would grab her between the legs. He's forced me to have sex, even when the kids were awake. He has told me I was a bad mother, and a bad wife.
I'm not allowed to hang out with men because he's afraid I will try to have sex with them. I'm not allowed to hang out with my sister or my girl friends because they may try to hook me up with a guy.
When I was pregnant with Willow, he would go out and stay out all night, doing who knows what with who knows who. Then he would come home and belittle me. I spent my entire pregnancy wishing it would go away, wishing she would just die because I was so depressed. I did things to myself hoping to have a miscarriage. Thank God Willow is okay now. But when I was with her in the hospital and I found out she had all these problems I thought they were my fault (some of them might have been but a lot of them would have happened to her anyway). He told me while in the hospital that he was right, that I had tried to kill her. (She had a blood problem, that would have happened anyway because my blood and his blood doesn't mix). While I was staying in another town with Willow while she was in NICU, he was having sex with someone in my apartment.
One night he went out, and while he was taking another girl home he got into a wreck. He was arrested for being under the influence of some drug. He called me and harrassed me while I was trying to get the money together to bail me out. He was in another state, and I tried my best to get a ride and get the money. His girlfriend called me and pretty much told me that they've been having sex for six months and he couldn't stand me. She told me don't worry, she'll get him out. I told her to go ahead if she wanted to. I called a friend of mine and he helped me move back into my mother's house.
I've been miserable for almost the entire six years of my marriage, but I couldn't leave because I was afraid. He claims he's changing now, that I should give him one more chance, but I just can't. I'm getting my life together. I've been approved for TANF, food stamps, medicaid, and my social worker is contacting the child support enforcement agency for me. I've already recieved the court date for the custody hearing. I'm finally happy. My self esteem is higher than it has been in six years, and for once I wake up happy to be alive.
So that's my story. I'm sorry it was so long, and jumbled but I'm a little jumbled myself at the moment.