Story of my life...at least the post-baby part

Where to begin...I learned that I was pregnant at the age of 19. I graduated from HS the year before and had started attending a 4 yr college as well as becoming involved with the man of my dreams, or so I thought. The fact that he emptied my bank account (for which I had him arrested & incarcerated) and totaled my car did not seem to jerk me back to reality. I I becam pregnant the following spring and told him while he was in jail for another incident. At first he was excited and talked about getting married once he got out. Later, he accused me of cheating and said I should get an abortion. Meanwhile, I concealed my pregnancy from the rest of my family, terrified of what their reaction might be. I lived on a ration of a ziploc bag filled with Cheerios and a cup of coffee for breakfast, a frozen cookie from the restaurant where I worked for lunch, and a couple bananas for dinner, all in an effort to keep my wait gain to a minimum and possibly cause a miscarriage. (I could not bring myself to abort and did not consider adoption since I hoped to keep the whole thing secret, praying it would disappear like a bad dream.) Looking back, I must have been in the most extreme denial. I worked two jobs and attended classes full time until, at 8 months, I broke down when confronted by my mother. I quit my jobs and moved back with my folks. I went to the doctor for the first time, only to find that my baby was healthy, and that's when reality set in. I was put on bed rest, tho, because I was slightly dilated and the docs felt it was best. Then, on a Sunday afternoon in January, I began to have cramps and thought it was indigestion. But they worsened as the day went by, and by that evening I was having regular contractions. Being the stubborn woman that I am, I insisted on watching the end of the all-new X-Files episode before going to the hospital. (Not even labor could keep me from David Duchovny :lol: ! ) I had a beautiful, painful, drug free delivery and was blessed with the most beautiful baby on the planet! I fell in love, and although my parents hoped I would choose to give him up for adoption, I couldn't bear to let him go. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I made a different choice, but even in the dark times, I have to keep the faith that I made the only choice I could personally live with and be thankful for all the joy my son has brought. My by then-ex had to make an appearnace, of course, and was all sweet and didn't seem to realize all the pain he'd caused by abandoning us. He was more interested in what "we" would name our little darling. He insisted on Jamie, after his best buddy, and in my post-partum confusion, I agreed. However, I had a change of heart and called in to change the name to Reily Grayson. Of course, my ex was livid when I told him, but it was the name I picked, it was my baby, and considering some of his suggestions (Damien and J. Junior, after himself) I felt it was best to leave him out of the consultation since he obviously had no common sense.
It's been five years now, and we've come a long way with still far to go. Each day, I try to remind myself that it can be done, that it's not too hard, but sometimes it's tough to keep the faith. Thank goodness I'm stubborn, tho, and giving up is not something I do easily. To all those new mamas out there who are worried about the choices they are making, you have to look inside and do what's best for you. There's no formula, no system or step-by-step program...it's about you individually...may you find your true star and follow it.
Sorry to be so long winded...it's good to tell that story every now and then to remind myself of my inner strength...funny how cathartic words can be.