Im sorry if this is too lengthy.Things have been perfectly all right eversince boyfriend and I reconciled March of last year (he was my
boyfriend 10 years back) until he got me pregnant. We do have plans of
settling down but since we are not yet financially capable of doing so,
we have decided to just save up for it first since we both know that we
still have a baby to take care of. The shock of my life came last
November. We stay in my mother's house on weekdays and on weekends, we go home to their house. It was a Saturday, he left for work but before he did, we agreed to just meet near his office and we'll go straight to their house.Unfortunately, after lunch time, i am not feeling well already but i decided not to tell him. We were talking at 2pm, he said he's going on overtime. I suddenly chilled because my fever was so high then, much to his surprise, I was shouting, calling my mom for some help and i hung up without even saying goodbye. So to speak, i was rushed to the hospital that afternoon. My mom and my aunt have been calling him but he refused to take the calls. He never showed up. He just visited me a day before I was about to go home. All he said was he is having an affair with someone else..he and his ex reconciled. he told me he loved me but things have already changed. i was so dumbfounded and confused...I never thought its possible. I kept on asking myself how could it be but i found no answers.
Who would ever think that our relationship is falling apart when hours
before I was rushed to the hospital we were so happy. A week before it
all happened, he even brought me to our favorite place in the south.Then all of a sudden, i
heard it from him. I told him to choose and he said, he can't choose me
and my baby. I was so down, i felt so helpless i couldn't even tell my
mom about it because i dont want to hurt her.. I have tried everything
just to win him back. I gave him the ultrasound result and I was told that when he went home that night after dropping by at the hospital, he was so proud to tell his siblings that he's baby's growing fast now.
I was surprised a week after that when I received a phone call from his "friend" who used to call me in the past. She said a lot of nasty things. I just laughed it out when she even texted me telling me that she loves my boyfriend so much and that they have been together for almost 8 years now. Again, I did not believe her because nobody knows her. Even my boyfriend's family don't know anything about her. Last Xmas was the worst. I tried calling him and I was surprised that the same woman who has been calling me pretending to be his friend answered my call. She was cursing me. I can hear my boyfriend shouting as well, telling her to end the call but she refused. I decided to go to his house and told his parents and sisters about what happened. He didn't go home that night. He went home the day after. He was surprised to see me in our room with his nephews and nieces. I checked on his bag after he went out of the room to charge is cellphone and found motel stubs, toothpaste and soap (with the motel's logo) in it. I
admit I was deeply hurt. I felt the whole world was down on me. When he came back, i asked the kids to go to the living room first and I
slapped him. I regret that I did. He told me there's no hope anymore.
He's afraid that things might not work for us again in case we
reconcile. I told him I'm not letting go and I would still wait for
him. I even kneeled in front of him and begged... From then on, I
became so depressed. Despite what he has done, I told him I already forgave him. The last time we talked, he said he doesn't want to see our baby because he's afraid he might feel something for our baby. But he kept on telling me how much he loves our baby and he kept on asking me to take care of myself and try not to be so depressed because it will affect our baby. That really confused me. Is he just afraid of the responsibilities that's why he said that? He even said that he's afraid that if we reconciled, my relatives will stil be mad at him. I told him my relatives want only my happiness and that they would still accept him after what happened (besides, only my father knows about the whole thing and no one else).
Last week, I decided to send my ultrasound results to him. He did not
reply. I do not even know if he was happy to see that we'
re having a baby boy. I don't know how he feels. I lost my pride
because I know it has no space in this situation. It is indeed a very humbling experience for me. Every night, I keep on praying that God will lead him back to me and my baby and that we'll start anew. I have tried all ways to reach out to him but sometimes I grow tired of doing so. I don't know if not communicating at all will help him realize me and my baby's worth but then again, I'm afraid because I might totally lose him if I do. Tell me what to do please. His nephew told me that he hasn't introduced the woman to them yet just like what he had been telling me. I felt relieved but then again, I can't deny the fact that I am still so scared to lose him. I really want a whole family. I have forgiven him already for what he has done and I am still waiting for him to come back... I love him not because we have a kid but I love him for real and I can never take him out of heart no matter how hurt I am.
I tried persuading him to meet me yesterday but he refused. He kept on telling me he's busy with work. I have no choice but to say goodbye and hung up.and then cry...
I'm sorry you are in such a tough situation. Well, the only advice I have is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I think you should just stop begging and crawling at his feet. Seriously, it's obviously not working and you're only making yourself miserable. If he's going to be immature and keep making excuses to keep from being a father to your child and a boyfriend to you, you do NOT need him. Of course it will be tough to let him go or even think about letting him go but honestly, do you want to bring a child in the world that will watch you be treated badly and made miserable by this immature guy? I think if you just try and be strong and know you and your baby can get by without this guy (because believe it or not you can) then you will start feeling better. What he is doing to you is not love,and i doubt he'll change. He'll just keep fucking with your head... and by you begging him to come back and all that, it's just giving him control over you because he'll know he can come and go whenever he pleases. My advice is just to stay strong for you and your baby without him, don't give him the satisfaction of having this kind of control over you, because believe me, he will keep using it against you.
I am soooooo sorry this is happening to you at such a bad time. I agree with Britt. Look I have a 16 month old son. His father has 4 other children ALL GIRLS. He doesn't pay any mind to my son. Yes you have let your pride get trampled on, but u gotta realize that you can not do the same with your son. I have taken DS to court with me because his father asked me to. When I get there his father stays far away from us and totally ignores his one and only son! He straight up dissed him with no remorse....... and let me tell you that hurts a hell of lot more then the pain I felt when he dissed me. One thing I learned was not to give BD too much credit. I always thought he thought about me, our son, he has to feel bad, he wants to see my son... but u know what. If a man wants to do something they will do it. You need to let go hun. I know it hurts trust me I know. I constantly dream abou my sons father, and I still cry and I don't think the pain will ever go away. But I hvae to remind myself everyday that my feelings for him really don't matter anymore, I need to get over him for my son. My son deserves a happy and healthy mama. His father is a scum bag and we shouldn't suffer for something so worthless. Anyway I am sorry for rambeling but you need to give your time to heal. Stop giving him so much importance, u may be pushing him away and u r worth way more then that. Eventually you will get tired of the way he treats you and will slowly but surely learn to live without him, trust me I know. I am still learning.
My baby's father and I always had a rocky relationship. When I got pregnant I pretty much knew that he wasn't going to be cool with it and made up my mind to be a mom before I even told him. When I did tell him he practically begged me to have an abortion, he was mad at me for getting pregnant, like I did it by myself !! When he realized that my mind was made up he just stopped talking to me. The first few months were so hard. Aside from being pregnant and alone with raging hormones, I felt like I lost one of my best friends. We've talked maybe four times since then-I called to tell him he was going to have a son and his reply was "ok". But then the farther along I got and the more excited I became, the less he even mattered. It's his crap to deal with now, and in a few years he's probably going to be like "wow, what a jack ass I am" or maybe not, but at some point you gotta let go of the hurt he caused you and the what if's and all of that and just get ready to be a mom. If you're having all this drama with the father before the baby's even born, is he really someone you want around your child? No father is better than a bad father, I think. And there are people out there to help us. Don't feel trapped...lots of women do it alone and do it better than some couples that stayed together just for the baby. Happy momas make for happy babies.