Im sorry if this is too lengthy.Things have been perfectly all right eversince boyfriend and I reconciled March of last year (he was my
boyfriend 10 years back) until he got me pregnant. We do have plans of
settling down but since we are not yet financially capable of doing so,
we have decided to just save up for it first since we both know that we
still have a baby to take care of. The shock of my life came last
November. We stay in my mother's house on weekdays and on weekends, we go home to their house. It was a Saturday, he left for work but before he did, we agreed to just meet near his office and we'll go straight to their house.Unfortunately, after lunch time, i am not feeling well already but i decided not to tell him. We were talking at 2pm, he said he's going on overtime. I suddenly chilled because my fever was so high then, much to his surprise, I was shouting, calling my mom for some help and i hung up without even saying goodbye. So to speak, i was rushed to the hospital that afternoon. My mom and my aunt have been calling him but he refused to take the calls. He never showed up. He just visited me a day before I was about to go home. All he said was he is having an affair with someone else..he and his ex reconciled. he told me he loved me but things have already changed. i was so dumbfounded and confused...I never thought its possible. I kept on asking myself how could it be but i found no answers.
Who would ever think that our relationship is falling apart when hours
before I was rushed to the hospital we were so happy. A week before it
all happened, he even brought me to our favorite place in the south.Then all of a sudden, i
heard it from him. I told him to choose and he said, he can't choose me
and my baby. I was so down, i felt so helpless i couldn't even tell my
mom about it because i dont want to hurt her.. I have tried everything
just to win him back. I gave him the ultrasound result and I was told that when he went home that night after dropping by at the hospital, he was so proud to tell his siblings that he's baby's growing fast now.
I was surprised a week after that when I received a phone call from his "friend" who used to call me in the past. She said a lot of nasty things. I just laughed it out when she even texted me telling me that she loves my boyfriend so much and that they have been together for almost 8 years now. Again, I did not believe her because nobody knows her. Even my boyfriend's family don't know anything about her. Last Xmas was the worst. I tried calling him and I was surprised that the same woman who has been calling me pretending to be his friend answered my call. She was cursing me. I can hear my boyfriend shouting as well, telling her to end the call but she refused. I decided to go to his house and told his parents and sisters about what happened. He didn't go home that night. He went home the day after. He was surprised to see me in our room with his nephews and nieces. I checked on his bag after he went out of the room to charge is cellphone and found motel stubs, toothpaste and soap (with the motel's logo) in it. I
admit I was deeply hurt. I felt the whole world was down on me. When he came back, i asked the kids to go to the living room first and I
slapped him. I regret that I did. He told me there's no hope anymore.
He's afraid that things might not work for us again in case we
reconcile. I told him I'm not letting go and I would still wait for
him. I even kneeled in front of him and begged... From then on, I
became so depressed. Despite what he has done, I told him I already forgave him. The last time we talked, he said he doesn't want to see our baby because he's afraid he might feel something for our baby. But he kept on telling me how much he loves our baby and he kept on asking me to take care of myself and try not to be so depressed because it will affect our baby. That really confused me. Is he just afraid of the responsibilities that's why he said that? He even said that he's afraid that if we reconciled, my relatives will stil be mad at him. I told him my relatives want only my happiness and that they would still accept him after what happened (besides, only my father knows about the whole thing and no one else).
Last week, I decided to send my ultrasound results to him. He did not
reply. I do not even know if he was happy to see that we'
re having a baby boy. I don't know how he feels. I lost my pride
because I know it has no space in this situation. It is indeed a very humbling experience for me. Every night, I keep on praying that God will lead him back to me and my baby and that we'll start anew. I have tried all ways to reach out to him but sometimes I grow tired of doing so. I don't know if not communicating at all will help him realize me and my baby's worth but then again, I'm afraid because I might totally lose him if I do. Tell me what to do please. His nephew told me that he hasn't introduced the woman to them yet just like what he had been telling me. I felt relieved but then again, I can't deny the fact that I am still so scared to lose him. I really want a whole family. I have forgiven him already for what he has done and I am still waiting for him to come back... I love him not because we have a kid but I love him for real and I can never take him out of heart no matter how hurt I am.
I tried persuading him to meet me yesterday but he refused. He kept on telling me he's busy with work. I have no choice but to say goodbye and hung up.and then cry...