So I went to the dentist today, they ask you if you're pregnant right? I said no. I know that I am, but I just said no... I don't know why either. They put the lead jacket thing over me the whole time during xrays but I still felt horrible. I can't decide what I want to do.
I made a post in my lj that I wasn't going to keep the baby, and this girl I had bought a pair of overalls (maternity) from made a post about how annoyed she was. I already sent the money order (or atleast I *think* my mother sent them) and was saying that she was listing the clothes back on ebay and would send my money back. Another person deleted me. I feel like shit. I DO NOT want to give this baby up for adoption, I'm either having it, and keeping it or having an abortion, I thought I had decided to have an abortion, but as soon as I posted it I had all these doubts, when I think about keeping it, I have doubts to, I'm a firm believer that doubt is what you should listen to, it's your body and heart talking to yourself. So why am I having horrible doubts with BOTH decisions? I can't choose. No matter how hard or long I think about it I haven't been able to. It's making me suck as a mom to khylie even I can't focus on anything I just don't know.
I just need help. I can't talk I don't know what to say, I can't think straight. I feel like bawling my head off, and I'm so mad at the same time just at myself mainly but just MAD.
:?:
I'm so sorry that people who should be there to support you aren't. Worrying about freaking putting maternity clothes on ebay when you're dealing with something that holds so much more weight is ridiculous and selfish. It's not supportive or even what you need to deal with right now. It may hurt to be deleted but at least then you won't need to deal with their lack of support, you know where they stand and don't need to associate with them anymore.
I do agree that if you have doubts you need to find out what's causing them, but I also feel that even in the best situation there can be doubts and you almost need to weight pros and cons and do what feels most right, if one doesn't feel completely right.. if that makes any sense. I can only offer support since I don't know personally what goes into chosing abortion, but from what I've seen and heard it's not the same for everyone and it's not always clear cut.
If you need a ride, I'll find a way to get you there. If you need money for it, for food afterwards, to pay your sis to babysit so you can relax- tell me. If you need maternity clothes, or diapers or something later if you do continue the pregnancy, tell me too. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
I'm thinking about you constantly. <3
About the Xray:
http://www.geocities.com/drkhosla1/xray.html
http://www.jkdds.com/pages/patient_library/pregnancy.htm
I don't really have any advice to give you. I can only say that I know how extremely difficult this decision is. I'm right there with you. If you need to talk more you can PM me and hopefully we can support eachother through this crucial time. I'll help you in any way I can. Just let me know what you need.
I'm PMing you now.
Thank you Val... <3
hey girlie... the lj stuff is making me sick, you dont need that crap at all. im with val. whatever you need let me know
It's making me feel like crap. I KNOW it's just the internet, but it still sucks:(
thank you <3
do NOT listen to them, listen to you. and im serious. make a filtered list... when i had my abortion in sept.. i only did filtered post and got nothing but support. i just added you to my msn. if you need to talk please do.. im
Or delete them. But filtering would be a less "in your face" way and you'd be able to keep them as friends but not listen to their judgement when you're going through this. It sucks to have to do, but if it'll make your journal a more safe space (which it's proved to not be lately!) and make you more confident in your choices it's worth it. It's even worth the hurt feelings if you delete people.
i just want to let you know pm me if you need anything clothes etc.. anything!!
you know that no matter what you decide i am and will be here for you. you have to do whats right for you. *huge hugs*