So I went to the dentist today, they ask you if you're pregnant right? I said no. I know that I am, but I just said no... I don't know why either. They put the lead jacket thing over me the whole time during xrays but I still felt horrible. I can't decide what I want to do.
I made a post in my lj that I wasn't going to keep the baby, and this girl I had bought a pair of overalls (maternity) from made a post about how annoyed she was. I already sent the money order (or atleast I *think* my mother sent them) and was saying that she was listing the clothes back on ebay and would send my money back. Another person deleted me. I feel like shit. I DO NOT want to give this baby up for adoption, I'm either having it, and keeping it or having an abortion, I thought I had decided to have an abortion, but as soon as I posted it I had all these doubts, when I think about keeping it, I have doubts to, I'm a firm believer that doubt is what you should listen to, it's your body and heart talking to yourself. So why am I having horrible doubts with BOTH decisions? I can't choose. No matter how hard or long I think about it I haven't been able to. It's making me suck as a mom to khylie even I can't focus on anything I just don't know.
I just need help. I can't talk I don't know what to say, I can't think straight. I feel like bawling my head off, and I'm so mad at the same time just at myself mainly but just MAD.