Okay.. so I cant really "forgive AND forget" persay.. BUT.. okay about a month ago I made the decision to sort of bump her out of my life because she just brings ALL of us down.. I have a wonderful kick ass mother.. I dont need a second mom, and one that isn't that kick ass at that (i stopped talking to her after her telling me I was a bad mother for not letting her buy Xander a Raffi CD collection.. hmm I really dont think that constitutes name calling.. but in her world telling her sons to "fuck off" is normal volcaulary as well).. anyways she keeps sending me emails saying "im sorry!" "forgive me?" etc etc.. Im torn because it was nice talking to her ON OCCASSION.. but more then anything it was a hassle to deal with her BS all the time and her trying to run our lives.. i have to say its NICE not having her call 3+ times a day and just stopping by whene ever she feels like it.. but at the same time why am I feeling guilty?!
I know with some relatives it can be give her an inch and they take a mile but would it be possible to allow her back on certain conditions?
Like make it known that she cannot use insults, no stopping by without calling first, no more than one call a day, or whatever it is that works for you?
I feel your pain. you want them to go away but when they do, you just feel guilty. MIL's are hard to deal with.
we've tried setting boundaries.. she ignores them.. that's why we no longer do holidays at her house, let alone step foot in her house..if she buys Xander a x-mas gift/b-day gift.. she can arrange a time to bring it to us because she tries to take over, refuses to put her dog and cat away when we're around, refuses to baby proof, refuses to make her delinquent son that still lives there behave and not use bad language/violence in front of xander, etc etc etc
I guess I'm probably going to continue ignoring her emails and such, it's definetly been easier this last month.
aww mama i'm sorry MIL's can be a bitch!!!
how does your husband feel about all of this??? I know it can be rough but maybe this will be a wake up call for her to see what shes doing wrong. Maybe e-mail her back and let her know why your not going to forgive and forget... she should know and maybe she can work on everything....
let me know how things go...
nice wording jenni
anyways... my mil and i cut off contact almost two years ago. i dont really mind the lady, she was just to needy, and didnt want to quit smoking around my kiddo. i could forgive her, but im like that.
Since she's already ignored boundaries you setup and it sounds like your mental health has been much better with her out of the picture I think you are taking the best possible route.
I had to basically cutoff my own grandmother for similar reasons. I still see her sometimes because she stops by the house to see my mom but I either take the kids outside or go upstairs. It's hard when a relative is toxic but if they are going to ignore boundaries there isn't much to do except cut them off and ignore them.
I'm sorry you had to go through all that.
my nil and i 'decided' to stay out of each others lives. which means :she hates me and wants to still phone and talk to harper and jared. fine.
jared didn't want to be speaking to her since he thinks she is being horrible for the whole ordeal. but then he did call her last week.
i'm glad that they are speaking again, it does make me a bit uncomfortable that she could just call anytime now. at least i had a brief period where i didn't need to worry about dealing with her.
she has never liked me, never communicated her 'concerns' directly to me...i'm supposed to have esp and just 'know', or she'd tell others and they would tell me.
anyways, we had a huge blow up last summer and finally during xmas she told me to stay out of her life, that she wants nothing to do with me now, or in the conceivable future.
what she has done is extrememly hurtful to both myself and to her son, jared. but who knows.
i am certainly NOT anywhere close to being ready to forgive and forget with her. i want nothing to do with her for a long long time.
sorry you are also having a hard time.
**update**
Okay.. so I'd read all these posts and it helped alot knowing Im *not* alone and was thinking well, I'll see how things go a bit longer w/o talking to her and then yesterdat moring happened.. I was upstairs getting ready to go to town and Brett says "Oh god.. she's here!".."she?" "who do you think? My mom!"... ::groan::.. anyways she "stopped by" to get her shoes back she'd given me 2 months ago!!! Yeah.. if that isn't immature, I dont know what is.. So i stayed up stairs, but Xander escaped and went down to see who was there and so he saw and he calls her by her first name and she goes "No.. Im GRANDMA!" and then starts in on Xander picking at everything he does, it was all I could do to stay upstairs and not burst down screaming at her, but I stayed up and let Brett deal with her.. then she finally left and goes "oh look I think Xander wants to come with.." which he didnt I could hear him heading up the stairs since she was leaving and she says "do you want to come along?!" and Brett told her No, besides we had plans to all go out and she replies with "well.. one of these days Ill just have to come steal you away since I never get to see you and taking you with me!" and shut the door.. ARGGGGGGGGGG!!!! This is why when i work on sat and even though Brett is home, he goes to MY MOMs now.. because I don't put it past her to just come "take him" one day.. she used to do it ALL THE TIME when i was at work Sat's when Xan was a baby... scary.