My totally perfect boyfriend of 6 months actually wants to propose to me. omg.. this is a very good thing. him and my son have grown sooo close and him and i are sooo close and he is just PERFECT...
i love him so much. i want to be with him. no one else can even compare to him and everythign hes done for me...
ive cheated on him 4 times in the 6 months we've been together. i dont know why. ive cheated on all my boyfriends. but i really thought him and i were different i really thought id be different. it was all just kissing and maybe a little foreplay.
i told him about 2 of the times... he was devasted.. not angry.. just devastated and sad.. but forgiving. this actually angered me. i felt so guilty and i just wanted him to SCREAM at me so i wouldnt feel that way anymore. but no.. he forgave me and it just made it worse....
now tonight i kissed another guy. just happened. i dont know why. i stopped though. oh god. i feel awful. im not going to tell him. i really think he'd break up with me this time.
i do believe in the "what u dont know wont hurt you" but when your thinking of getting engaged to someone... does that no longer count? or is it meant even stronger? i feel awful. whats wrong with me? why cant i stop doing this?
i cannot talk to him about this. i cannot say "i have a cheating problem, always have, cant stop". i dont expect him to understand something like that.
i think, and this is just my oppinion, that your behavior shows that you are not ready to commit to a monogomous relationship right now. and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with that. but it is not okay to lie about your actions and lead this "perfect" boy on, especially knowing his expectations of you, and his intentions.
i think you really need to do a little soul searching and decide how to handle this- maybe you could tell him that you care about him, don't want to lose him or end things, but that you feel like at this point in your life you are not able to make a commitment. that means he can see other people too. an open relationship is very hard to do, because it is based on honesty. and you may feel very jealous about him seeing other people- but you must consider how he feels/felt about you seeing people behind his back.
you may decide he isn't worth losing, and that you will commit to him, but whatever you decide you should not ignore these feelings of not being able to settle down.
also, you must accept that when you come clean, he may decide to end things himself- temporarily or permanently. there's no way to tell, being an outsider in the situation, ykwim? anything is possible here- your future actions have the most influence over the future.
take your time thinking about it, i think what your feeling shows that you cannot continue the ways things are going, and that is a good sign- you need to be honest with yourself first.
take care of yourself and good luck.
also, i would not even consider marrying (or being in a relationship) with someone i can't talk to about issues like these. you should expect him to understand, to listen to you. if this is a real problem for you (and it may not be, it may just be your lifestyle, age, current beliefs, etc.) he should know about it if you wish to carry on with him. imo.
It's unfair to him if you keep lying and then marry him while cheating on him repeatedly. You're just not ready to commit at all.
It took me a while of cheating on most of my boyfriends for me to realize that not only was I not ready to commit myself into a relationship for the rest of my life, but I don't think that I believe that one person is "the" one for me.
I think, though, that from your sitation as you're describing it, it doesn't sound as if YOU are ready to settle down- and that's ok. If it's "supposed" to happen, if you two are made for each other, it will but give it time. I think that six months isn't a long time to be with someone that you are going to consider spending the rest of your life with.
I understand being in love, as I have been in love before (to the point where I almost married him), and I understand the wonderful feeling of romance and happieness that someone wanted to be with me that badly, but slow down and give yourself time to sort yourself out.
When I finally sat down and examined my behavior, within cheating, I found that I did it for a variety of reasons, usually because I love the thrill, the excitment of that first kiss, feel attractive, feeling loved, because I didn't love myself and didn't think that I was pretty.
I think you should maybe take sometime and figure out what YOU want from your life, and how to go about doing that.
im goign to give it a try. i just honestly feel like i having a cheating problem or something. i dont even want to, i dont plan on doing it, but i just do and i feel like absolute shit afterwards.
i want to commit to him.
i dont want to tell him what ive done. i dont want to lose him.
i just want to start now and try. and if i do it again.. maybe i should just come clean.
why do i do this? i dont want to cheat on him.. why do i?
some of it i think comes from my past. i was in a year and a half abusive relationship. and i came out of it as just a total manhater and cheated on any guy i went out with after that and i didnt feel bad. i didnt trust anyone.
me and my boyfriend went out a year ago when i was pregnant and i was mean to him and still in my man hating mode. and at the beginign of this time i was in my "I DONT TRUST ANYBODY" mode but then i began to trust him and wanted this to work.
i dont know what im doing.
Maybe you are not ready for a monogamous relationship. This is not a bad thing. But not being honest about it with your partner is. You should tell him the truth: "I love you and I want to be with you, but I can't promise you monogamy because I am not prepared at this time to give up my freedom to be sexual with other people."
After that, it will be his decision whether or not he wants to continue the relationship on that basis. If he does, the freedom to openly see other people would, of course, apply to him as well as to you.
This way, there is no "cheating"... just different rules.
Good luck.
thanks for paraphrasing my post, fairy! :wink: you know i <3 you...
Darn it, I was being a copycat, wasn't I?? :x
Sorry, I didn't read the thread, just the initial post.
Now that I read over the whole thread, I see that everybody else already offered this same advice, and my post was just redundant.
Sorry, LittleMama. :oops: :wink: