I think i'm being verbally abused...well actually i'm pretty sure i am, and that i have been for a long time. shawn and i are back together again, and everything is goin down hill again..as usual. but i was wondering if i might be able to get some info on verbal abuse?? i haven't been able to find much about it online.
thanks
verbal abuse?
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Mon, 2005-05-09 04:02
#1
verbal abuse?
Verbal abuse is abuse, they never have to lay a finger on you. here is a link about abuse, some of it has to do with physical abuse and some has to do with emotional
http://lsiprelle.simpli.biz/girl-mom/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=3029&sid=17215c19844d2bde932ece20fbfe42e2
Abuse is pretty much any behavior used to manipulate, hurt, or control another person. if certain words are used against you that do this, it's abuse.
Verbal abuse is often hard to identify because while most of us know hitting isn't OK, we identify verbal abuse as part of an argument or "just words".
Does he talk abusively to you all the time or during arguments? How do you talk to him in return?
I would suggest first checking yourself to see if you use abusive language as well. if so, apologize and say you realize it's wrong, you're not going to do it anymore and would like him to stop, too. Tell him the way you talk to eachother does not solve anything and you need to communicate more calmly and effectively.
If it's one-sided and he only abuses you, tell him at a time when he's calm how much it hurts you. let him know you want to work on your relationship problems but nothing gets solved when he yells or uses certain words. if he responds with anger and more verbal abuse, it's definately time to re-think the relationship and find a way to protect yourself.
Another thing that makes verbal abuse blurry is that many people have different ideas of what is Ok and what is not. I was raised in a very conservative family and using the "f" word is very storng to me, but many people use it every day in causal conversation. Also, people who were verbally abused as children often have no idea how to effectively solve a problem and verbal abuse may come naturally for him if his parents did it to him. I was spanked as a kid and I know that often when my kids irritate me, my first instinct is to hit. It just feels natural. It has taken restraint and re-education to become a non-violent parent.
Good luck with this relationship. We're all here for you if you need anything.
I think you should trust your instincts. If you are hurting, then you're hurting. You shouldn't ignore the pain just because it's mental, not physical. You need to take care of yourself. I agree with BCPR maybe try and talk things out with your bf. Maybe he would never hit you but he doesn't realize how much words can also hurt.