I have one daughter, a toddler. I feel that we have a great relationship, very close.. She has such an interesting personality, she constantly amazes me..
BUT, I'm starting to feel bad for her. I think being a young mother, I put so much pressure on us as a family. I have this us against the world mindset. I just want everything to work out and fall into place, as a big fuck you to everyone. I'm trying to be this amazing mother with this amazing kid and it's not right. It's not up to a baby to make sure I'm validated or revered by other women, by society.
Whenever I take her to the park (i know im going to sound horrible for this) I feel good when my 19 month old can accomplish stuff that her peers who have older mothers and nannies and $800 strollers cant grasp. I know it's horrible, every child child moves at their own pace, it's not the child's fault...I just can't help this feeling.
I'm just worried that my child will have certain disadvantages in life because of me. My child counting to 7 now isn't going to change the fact that I'm constantly questioned as to whether she's my daughter. My daughter isn't going to single-handedly break down stereotypes and society's expectations (or lack thereof) of me.
I feel horrible. Why do I need this validation? I don't even know if it's that so much as revenge ( for the lack of a better term)?
PS - I must sound like a horrible mother who uses her child and forces her to count against her will. One day she just started after watching a Dora episode.