I feel so stuck. I have been married for 3 years and for the first year it was cool, but then after I had my son, he totally changed. He hasn't been the same since. It seems like he's lost interest and i'm barely noticing it now. He works all the time, from morning till night, I never see him, and its affecting my son and I, and my marriage. I've offered too many times to get a job so he doesn't have to work so much, but he refuses. So I said okay well if you won't let me work then I want to go back to school. He refuses to help me. I got an enrollment packet from a school that takes people like me, and he would not and will not help me. So there goes that. When he gets paid, he don't give me no money, and when I ask he says why, your not going anywhere. I see him 2 days out of the week, today is supposed to be his day off, but hes at work, hes supposed to get off everday at 7:30 but he gets home at 10, and hes there, I call and hes there. I just don't feel the same anymore, and I've tried to leave him before, but he went crazy, he started threatening his life, and i'm just afraid that if I leave, he'll do something to hurt himself or worse, kill himself. I dont want that on my consience (sp) So I feel stuck. I love him but not the way I used to. I am so unhappy and just miserable. I dont know what to do. I want to leave, but i'm afraid what he might do. Our marriage is so dead, we dont even talk. We have nothing in common, we use to be like i said he's changed. I just need a break, from everything. By him working all the time means he can't spend time with us, and I have no help. I have a 2 year old son and he is a terror, dont get me wrong I love my son, thats my baby, but he just never listens, and i'm stressing out. I feel like screaming like crying like dying. I just dont want to be here anymore. I'm so sad and thats not me, i'm always happy, but not anymore. I just needed to vent.
It sounds to me like you are in an abusive relationship. Him not letting you have money, or a job, or school is abuse and you do not have to let him treat you like that. Saying he will take his life if you leave is manipulative and also abuse. You can get out of that relationship. I was just like you not long ago and I left. I have felt better and better since then. Let us know if you need help finding resources to help you. Also, check out this thread:
http://www.girl-mom.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2108
mamabutterfly is right.
you and your kid deserve so much better. good luck, mama.
I'm sorry to hear of your situation momma. It is very stressful and difficult to leave an abusive relationship (emotionally). Once you leave, it will get easier but it will take some time.. If he threatens to take his own life, its just that.. a threat. Anybody who is seriously thinking of suicide will not threaten it. in rare cases people go to get help, but they dont threaten someone with it. I really hope you do what you feel is right and being happy again. If you need someone to talk to, Im always around.
Nicole
This is an abusive relationship.
I think that you need to get out, as quickly as possible and start getting some therapy.
His emotional stability is NOT your responsibility. IF he kills himself supposedly because you leave, there was a LOT more going on under the surface for that to happen.
Please PM me with your state/county/city and I can find phone numbers for people you can call who can help you out (either abuse shelters, or hotlines). They can help you decide what you need to do, and give you resources to do it.
This is not ok, mama. You need to be able to live your own life. He sounds really controling.
thanks mamas for all of your support and help. I went to the link that mamabutterfly put up and it is so crazy how many people are in my shoes. I want so hard to find the courage to leave, but its so hard. But reading the other mamas stories gives me hope and faith, that I will be okay. thank you
I know how you feel kind of. I mean I love my husband to death. He does not want me to work I sit at home all day with the kids I have no friend around here where I live. It is really stressful you just feel like you have no where to go or don't know what to do. It is really hard but I just think everyday it will get better and hope someday it will. I hope everything works out for you just don't give up. You need to make yourself happy for you and your child that is what I tell myself everyday. I don't know how well it is going but it is going. If you ever need to talk I understand totally!!
Mommy to Hailey 7 and Keegan 21months
Mandy, what happens if it doesn't get better? What happens if you've been married for six years, but was never allowed to go out with your friends or family, attend college, or work? What happens if you stay home with the kids 24/7 while your husband goes off every night with different women? What if you have zero control over your life, that you have to get permission to go to the grocery store?
That was me. I found happiness by leaving my husband. I am free. I am going to attend college (finally!) to become a teacher. I don't have to ask anyone permission to go to the store and buy groceries. I don't have to beg anyone to buy diapers for the baby, instead of using the money for beer. I'm in control of my life and I kinda like it.
I'm not saying your situation is like mine, but instead of waiting around for things to get better, make things better. If you're not happy now, you may not be happy in the future. So why waste your life with someone who doesn't make you happy?
Sit down with your husband and tell him what you want. If he doesn't listen or dismisses your complaints, then leave. Its hard as hell to leave someone you love, but it is worth it in the long run.
i was in an abussive relationship as well my bf at the time lyied about his age i was 16 he said he was 24 , he pinned the condoms and changed my pill , to get my pregnant , i left him cos he was so weird , but came back just to tell him i was pregnant , he said he knew and told me what he had done ....
he was really 30 and i was 16 i was so sick , i couldnt get out or away i then lived with him , if i didnt met him at a certain time and place i would get a hiding , i know this is different to your case hun , but i wasnt allowed money like you , wasnt allowed to finish my coarse , i never saw him so i could of left but he always threatend something that made me stay , after 8 months i finally got out , they pay mind games with us hun and guilt trips find a friend and stay with them till you get sorted i can do it you can
good luck