Hello, I'm Lydia and I'm 16... I'm not a girlmom, at least not yet, but I thought this would be the best place to get some advice, I hope that's okay.
I'm 2 weeks along (by my estimation) and I'm having a really hard time trying to decide what I want to do. I don't really have anyone to talk to and discuss this with who won't try to guilt me into/out of a decision. I haven't told anyone but my best friend who is proving to be everything but.
I don't know if I want to continue this pregnancy- it might sound completely immature, but my biggest worry is how hard this will be. I'm worried that if I continue this pregnancy and being a mom is too hard, that I'll have made a huge mistake. I -think- I'd be a good mom, but everyone always says how it's impossible to know until you are a mom. I guess that's my question- Is being a mom as hard/easy as you thought it would be?
I'd be really grateful to talk to someone about this, I hope I haven't upset anyone,
Lydia
(lydia_moran@hotmail.com)
Hey hunny. Welcome to the site. I dont think thats the right question... being a mother is extreamly hard, no matter how good of a mother you are. You need to ask yourself if your ready, what your financial options are, who you have support from, and what you would want to do, if there was no guilt or morality involved. Having a baby is going to be hardwork, throughout your pregnancy, and after. Its a long time comitment. But that dosent mean it wont be rewarding, and what you want to do. Consider all your options, and how they will affect you. If keeping it is what you want to do, remember nothing worth having is ever easy. Dont let people tell you abportion is right or wrong, in the end, your feelings about it are more important, you have to live with the choice not them, and you have to do whats best for you not them. And dont think you can only keep or abort it. If abortion dosent feel like something you want to do, but you dont feel that you would be able to raise a child at this point in your life, you have the options of closed and open adoptions.
Remember its YOUR choice.
hey lydia :)
i just wanted to pop in and, basically, agree with misskitty....
also, i wanted to say that the part where you thought it was immature? quite the contrary, in my opinion. so SO mnay young women think having a child is mostly about having a cute little baby to love...i think it shows maturity that you can see that it is going to be hard.
and yeah, echoing misskitty: mamahood is hard, whether you're a good or bad mom. it is physically and emotionally draining, it's very time consuming, it can be annoying.
but. it is also so full of joy and a new kind of love that will shock the hell out of you..at least it did me.
from your post, you seem to have some clarity on this subject, and i definitely wouldn't call you immature. think about it, and make the best decision for you. we're here for you, no matter which path you take. good luck! (and welcome to the site!)
Hey Lydia, I'm Skylar!
I think what you said is very un-immature. It takes a grown up person to say, you know I dont know if i can do this or not. If you feel that abortion is right for you, then dont let anyone tell you its not and vice versa. I'm so sorry that your best friend isn't being helpful right now, I'm sure that is very difficult for you. I agree with memphis and Miss Kitty about the parenting thing, its always hard even if you are not the best parent. It is very hard. But like they said its also very rewarding. I wish you the best in making this very hard decision and remember we are here to support you in whatever choice YOU make.
Sorry if I'm just echoing what other people have said, I think they said it very eloquently and covered everything, but I still want to offer some support! I'm Cristi, by the way. Being a mom isn't so much hard, as it is different, unfamiliar, and hard to get adjusted to. Once you get in the flow of things, it gets a lot easier. The first year with my son was hard on me, but soon after things got SO much better, and now it's pretty easy going. It can be a lot harder on women though to have a child if they don't have support, do you think your family or the BD will be supportive if you chose to keep it? If not, this board is a great place for support as well, for resources, links, advice, encouragement and help along the way.
Only you can know if you're ready for it though. If you choose abortion, don't let anyone let you feel bad for your decision. It's not their life, it's YOURS, and you know your life better then anyone else ever could. If you don't think you are ready for it, you make the choice that's best for you and you'll get support from us no matter what.
Welcome to the boards, girl :)
- - Cristi
Thank you guys so much for all your advice... I was feeling very much like I almost didn't have a right to go with what I want, and you've really made me feel okay with that part of all this. I've been feeling really selfish and guilty for wanting to keep my baby; my parents still don't know but my mom has said on many occasions that if any of her daughters were to get pregnant, they'd better know that she wouldn't "enable" us to "ruin our lives"- basically, move out or don't have the kid. I don't know if her tune will change, I really hope it will...
As much as I already know my life has changed and will change, I don't want it to be an unhappy thing. My so-called best friend was with me when I took the test and she's been very vocal to me that I've ruined my life and so-forth. I talked to her a bit more today, and told her that I want to keep the baby, that because I can't go back in time I've resolved to appreciate the best parts of it and all she could say was that I "must be stupid to be happy about it at all". I hung up on her at that point, I don't need it when I'm already telling myself the same things.
The dad is completely out of the picture, I don't want him to even know... I don't want money from him, nothing. It's a squigee situation. He took advantage of me while I was drunk (it was my first time drinking) and I didn't know his name until I looked through old yearbooks... That's going to make it really hard to tell my parents. I haven't really told anyone what went on that night, I wasn't even supposed to be at that party and I don't want anyone to know. So telling my mom (who I live with) that I don't want to say who the dad is isn't going to go over too well.
I'm sorry to unload all this on you, I mean, this is only my second post and I must sound so stupid. You've all been a huge help already!
Therese
Hey you dont sound stupid at all. About your mother...In most cases parents say they wont support you, but when push comes to shove they will be there for you. When they think things over they realize they love you very much, and even if they use hard words, and it seems like they dont care, they do. Of course that isnt the case in every situation, some really will kick you out but that isnt something I would worry about untill you are ready to talk to them. Its probably best if you wait untill you have a good plan to talk to your mom. Your best friend...maybe she will come around but those dont seem like very supportive words, from someone whos supposed to be your best friend. I fail to see how your pregnancy is ruining her life. Being pregnant isnt going to ruin YOUR life, so it shouldnt be do anything to hers. As for being happy about it? I was devestated when I first found out, but once I gave the thought some time I realized how excited I was, and I cant wait till I can hold my little baby in my arms. I was an IB student, ran a youth magazine, and tested extreamly high in apptitude tests. I am 17 years old and happy about having a baby. Does that make me stupid? No. You should never feel stupid about being excited or happy about your desicion. I think your making a good choice about the father, dosent sound like he would be a good person to be in you and your babies life. However being honest with your mom is a good step between you and her building a trustworth and supportive relationship with her, rather then trying to lie or hide the facts. (of course you know her better then me and this could be completly wrong, but most people think their parents reactions will be alot worse then they really will) . I dont think you sound stupid at all. Infact, quite the opposit. You are making desicions, seeking assistance, and thinking about what you need to do. I tottaly agree with you. It dosent have to be an unhappy thing. When people ask how I could be happy I tell them "In 6 months, im going to have a baby. I could hate and resent it, and it could ruin my life. Or I can accept that changes happen, and that this change can be positive and happy. Not only is this not going to ruin my life, its going to be better for it" Theres not much people can say back to that. If you want to talk to someone you can email me,
toodles poodle.
hi ya im chontelle , 20 now D due with my first in oct
i feel pregnant at 16 and i did go through with an abortion then it isnt what i wanted , noone pushed me into it , i decided it for me , make sure your not pressured into something you dont want theres reasons for an abbortion and it is totally up to you , and your decission is yours and girl mom will be here to support you no matter what you chose.
i decided to go through with it in the end as i was young and had mental ex whom would have been the babies father he was schitzo and made me pregnant pinned condoms and changed my pill , and said he would kill me after the baby was born and i truley believe this, i was in a couarse can could hardly support myself , i had support from my family to help me but it was the fear of the bd i decided to let my baby have a better world instead of fear , i was beaten black and blue from my ex before i was pregnant during and after he found out i atterminated.
its still hard to come to terms with what i did , but i know it was for the best of my well being , now im pregnant again ive finished my studies i may not money but i have support of my family , friends and partner a good one this time and im ready to have a baby , i had an atermination back then because of my situation back then , i wouldnt even think about having one this time round .
make sure the decssion is right for you hun , if you need to talk just ask away.
back then i have no doubt i would have been a great mum and still now im pregnant again i know i will be a great mum i think its not so much going to be hard i think of it more as a challenge , and its like starting a new job hard but you get the hang of it after awhile , and no doubt if you decide to keep you will be a great mom too.
feel free to email me
Hey honey, I just read your post.. I have to say I agree with all the girls. It's your choice on what you decide. No body will try talking you out of it. If you decide to do that then it's your choice, and nobody will be upset with you, at least not from here because it is your choice...
If you ever need anyone to talk to you, and I'm not on here, you can always email me..
ethansmommy18_06@hotmail.com
~*Cheyenne
i just want to add that you are not immatur you just making a choice for yourself is a very responsible thing to do. you are strong and no matter what you decided i know that we will support you no matter what you chose here. good luck in your decision.
AMEN!!! You said a mouthful there MissKitty!
It's great that you're at least asking questions though and seeking out others that have been there and can offer you objective advice. I was a teen mama and I just assumed I was supposed to keep and raise my son- I wasn't very informed and, looking back, I wish I would have had more resources to talk to when making my decision. I've done the best for my son that I could. Worked long hours and ate ramen more often than I've ever cared to just to afford diapers or food for my son. When you become a mother you suddenly find within yourself a strength you never knew you posessed. You don't think in terms of "IF I make it" because you HAVE to make it. You have to have diapers and food on the table and a roof over your head and you'll find the most ingenious ways to accomplish all of it.
What are your goals? Where would you like to see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years?
It does change your life in a lot of ways. Looking back I realize I went from being "someone elses kid" to "someones mama" with no time inbetween to figure out who I was. The good thing is that, as children age, they become more independant and you get more time to yourself to discover the woman you are inside. You, as a whole, are more than a teenager, more than a mama to the baby you are carrying. In time you will know who that woman is. It isn't always easy to do with a little one on your hip, but as many of us can attest to, it CAN be done and you can find happiness in a chaotic life with a lovely little one by your side. I understand your mothers fears- As someone who missed out on a good part of my young adult years (going to the clubs and parties and just getting up and going whenever the notion struck without worring about a babysitter or if I had enough money) because I was home with a little one cleaning squashed peas out of his hair (and the cats hair and the carpet and the walls....) You'll hear that your "life will be over" if you keep it and that you'll miss out on a lot in life, and some of what they say is true, but chosing a different path isn't wrong- it's just a more adventurous path than some chose to take.
One perk to being a teen mama:
You'll still be young enough when your kid is 18 to do lots of cool stuff! :)
i agree with what every one else said motherhood is hard but it is rewarding at the samre time. you just have to make the best decision for you there are many resources that can help you if you are worried about that but whatever you chose we will support you!
Being a mom is as hard as I thought it would be, but not in the ways I thought it would be. In many ways it has been easier than I thought it would be.
On the money issue, you simply don't need a lot of crap to raise a child, like an expensive stroller and all the toys and stuff. You won't even need a lot of clothes, and that you can get for free from other moms, churches, etc, or for very cheap at thrift stores or garage sales. You will, however, need a place to live, food to eat, and some kind of transportation, and all that takes money. You will probably qualify for assistance, but keep in mind that is a hassle and it's own headache.