Julie, i'm so sorry. This is the very last thing i expected to see when i came here today. My thoughts are with you and the boys. I came here, from a link from your website i think. Alli, was so different and idealistic and full of fire. When i think of Alli now, i think of the photo of you and Alli and a couple of other girls, sitting round a table outside at the girlmom meet up. Of her post on LJ from karaoke to the parenting dilemmas and truths that most of us are afraid to post for fear of not being seen as the perfect mum. Mostly though, you and Alli as a couple. I doubt i'd ever have had the strength to see myself, for what i am had it not been for you two. She will be sorely missed.
Much love to you
This is so sad. Alli was one of the lights that attractd me to Hipmama back in the day. Much love and respect to julie, cade, dylan, and alli's family; I am so sorry for your loss.
Alli affected my thinking deeply in 2 ways. I remember once on one of the old iterations of the Hipmama board there was a thread about decorating. me and some other mamas were complaining about not having enough time, space, or money to decorate our houses or apartments the way we wanted to. Alli told us you didn't need a lot of money or space or even time to decorate your living space. She later posted pictures of her room that she had redecorated, the room she shared with her son. It was happy and cheerful and full of color, and just knocked me out. I relaized that instead of waiting until I had enough money or space or time, I could make a beautiful living area with what I have now in the time I had available.
Another time we were talking about teen moms, what causes teenage girls to have sex, especially girls in their early teens. I was going on about low self-esteem, prior abuse, boredom, lack of direction, lonliness etc., as being the causes of early teen sex and Alli said, to paraphrase: 'Sometimes it's just about girls wanting to have sex. Period. And people need to acknowledge that teen girls have sex drives just like the boys. That might stop kids from going off having sex in the bushes like I was.' That just wowed me and made me re-evaluate all the assumptions I made about teen mothers, myself included.
And she also told me, I think I was like 28 or 29 at the time (I'm 33 now), that she thought I was a great mom and proved that teenagers can raise great kids, just by my example. I appreciated that so much, I don't think I expressed to her how much her words meant to me.
Alli was a good writer. Her birth story is still one of my favorites, out of all the birth stories I have read over the years. When I think of the book Breeder I think of Alli.
This is Allison's mother.
When we have details on a funeral I will send them here.
You all must know that she wouldn't want a small funeral.
This is helping me greatly. Hearing how you loved her too.
Cade will be living in California.
Please pray for him, her dad, sister
Thank you for loving her too.
Julie, i know it's hard to believe right now, but it is not your fault not your fault at all. i hope that one day you will come to realize it. but, i wanted to say i do understand fully why you feel that way. if there is anything i can do to help at all. let me know. you, Cade, Dylan, her family, Alli, your all in my thoughts.
when i first came to girlmom i was so excited to find a site that meshed with my parenting ideals and politics, little did i know that i would still be challenged and change so many of the ways i look at the world through this site. sometimes you think you know it all but really you don't you have so much more to learn, Alli and you and others helped me learn many of those things. i will never forget her supportive words when i needed it most, i am forever grateful for knowing both of you in some way atleast.
Alli you were so so amazing. you will be terribly missed.
i keep half expecting her to come on here and post something in her smart way, but i know she wont'.
Allisons Mom, my heart goes out to Cade & you & your family. Alli was so loved within our community.
i couldn't believe it when i heard that our sweet alli was gone. she really was one of the most imspirational people i have ever met. i have this picture of a few of us that went to the march last year in my bedroom. last night when i was told about this, the first thing i saw as i ran to my room was alli's smiling face. thats what i always want to remember. her smile, her strength. i know at one point we had some drama, but we put that behind us, and i really thought of her as a friend. her support was always there when anyone needed it. she forced me to unlearn, to grow, to fight and helped me to be a better mother. i just cannot believe this.
julie, we spoke last night. i know you have probably gotten a number of phone calls and i am sure most of them have ended with this, but if you need anything, even the smallest thing, call me anytime.
i love two and cade and dylan. i'll keep you in my thoughts.
everyone else, we have to continue what alli started. she truely was one of the most compassionate, amazing people i have ever had the honor of knowing and i will never forget her.
I read it in 2 different LJs but it didn't click in, i thought, no not "the" Alli.
I didn't know her very well, but from what I've read from your posts Julie, i know that you two loved each other very very much.
I am so so sorry.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
Oh Julie, Alli's mom, Cade and Dylan-
I am so sorry. I just simply cannot believe it. This site, and Alli, changed my life. Alli challenged me to think about so many things that it would have been comfortable to go on ignoring if I wanted to. She made me feel okay about my sexual history, my reproductive history, my body...
Whenever I read a post by Julie or Alli I could feel the love between each letter, each word. She will forever be alive to me, in my mind making me think a little bit more critically about everything.
Please let me know anything that I can do.
My heart is breaking for you. I wasen't part of this community that long but Alli was somebody that I admired. She built this place from the ground up and I always thought that only somebody special could bring together such loving community of friends.
I'm blown away. Julie, words can't even describe. None of us here will know unless we've been through it, but I do offer you my support and my prayers for you and your family, and her family.
Alli was a beautiful, honest soul. She opened my mind in more ways than I can account, and I watched her open the minds of others here on this board. Even when she wasn't a mod, her presence was still felt throughout the message here. I'm so sorry, she'll always be sorely missed.
wow im soo sorry. I know Alli has changed my views on lots of things, like when i came here just when i found out i was pregnant, i probably wouldnt have stuck around if it wasnt for her. I really looked up to her.
please, let us know how we can be of help. there is a huge community of women here and elsewhere that love alli very much. use us.
i am one of many women that felt touched and inspired by allison crews, just one of many.
my name is anjanette and i am 24 years old. i have a 6 yr old daughter. i wll be getting my BA in a year, and i hope to one day teach literature, i live in new jersey. i am many miles away from alli and the people that knew her personally, but we were friends and comrades, we became women in the same space... we shared our fears, loves, and passions. i am who i am, the mother i am, in part, because of her influence.
rest in peace alli, i love you.
I still can't believe this is true. Alli, courageous, amazing, spirited, brilliant, loving Alli is gone? I wish with every piece of me that this wasn't true.
I was lucky enough to know alli. I met her at the oceanside mall when I was a very new mom. My baby was maybe 6 months old. Her and cade took pictures that day, her with her shaved head, and him looking just like mom, it was beautiful. Alli changed my life. I dont think I was ever able to thank her enough for all the good she did for me, for this community, for all teen moms.
It's been somewhere around 4 years now that I've been blessed enough to know Alli, and I can not tell you how many times she supported me, stood up for me, encouraged me, loved me. I told her she was like the big sister I never had. I looked up to her, she gave me strength.
I wish I could say the right words, express how truly amazing this woman was. I wish I could do something for julie, the boys, or alli's parents. This is a loss so great, and felt across the lands, I dont know how anyone can recover from this.
I'm so sorry.
I have knwn Ali for many years, She is my best friend. There are so many doubts in my mind about her taking her own life. All of the post say the same thing ALI WAS A STRONG PERSON. Why would she take her life?
No disrespect to Julie but I do not beleave it. My best friend would never leave her son, no matter how bad things got. Cade was her driving force in life. Something happend in that apartment that morning but jt was not Ali killing herself. MAybe I am still in shock and I don't want it to be true but Ali has been thruogh alot in her life and if that crap didn't make her want to killer herself why would a little fight with Julie. IT DOES NOT MAKE SENCE!!!! MY BEST FRIEND DID NOT KILL HERSELF!!!!!!!
I came to GM when I was 23, and pregnant with my now nearly three year old son. I remembered Alli off the bat for being this off the wall, funny, karoke loving mama. I got to know her better via LJ, and I'll never forget her funny testimonial to me on Friendster........the Ummm smoke and go to El Arroyo. I'm so sorry to hear that we won't be blessed with her magical presence in this lifetime, but her words and adivce will live with us forever.
much love julie, dylan and cade...
Amy & Liam
I've thought all day about what to say. I keep reading through the messages, hoping to make some sense of all of this. I only "knew" her here, like many of you, on the internet, where nothing is really "real". But she changed me. I would not be who I am if I had not read her many essays, seen her countless attempts to reach out to others, to lift them up, to show them their worth. Like many of you here, she made me a better person, a better woman, just through sharing herself, her feelings and strengths, and even bravely in baring her flaws. She was constantly examining herself, trying to be a better person still, which was astonishing to me because she achieved so much in her time here (it's so sad to say that, fuck) than most people EVER do, or can even ASPIRE to do. I've missed her presence here so much in the months since she's stepped down. Girlmom is what it is because of Alli. It is no mistake that so many people are saying here that she changed their lives. It was what she did because she couldn't seem to understand people who DIDN'T try to make that kind of difference. Even knowing her just through her words here, I can truly say that she has changed my existence, for the better. I just wish I could have told her so in person.
I keep thinking stupid throughts like "now she won't get to read Harry Potter." I guess thinking about those things is easier than thinking of all the rest of the stuff she, and we, are missing out on without her here. This is truly a huge loss for all of us personally and for the community as a whole, but I know the spirit of her mission will always be in Girlmom and her legacy will live on in all of us who were inspired by her. She really did some important shit while she was here and someone who was so powerful and did so much good for others can never truly die. I know I will never forget her or her words for as long as I live.
I am thinking of you all, her family and friends, those who were close to her personally and those who like me were touched by her and are floundering thinking of a world without her in it. I am especially thinking of Cade. I know Alli loved him fiercely. My favorite picture of her that she shared is one of her at sixteen with baby Cade in a beautiful colorful sling. She looked damn good in a sling with that baby close to her. I will never forget watching her love story with Julie unfold-- that post where they declared they were a couple. It is so odd to think that we never met or spoke often, and yet I felt I knew her and her little stories in her life. Thank you Alli, for sharing your life and your passion with me.
i looked up to alli so much ,for her intelligence,her passion, her aggression, her eloquence, for what she believed in and fought for and how she reached out to so many women. She was without a doubt a huge influence on the lives of countless women and girlmoms,including mine. i regret that i never got down there to meet her when we are so close in distance. love to you and cade and dylan. i am not that far if you need anything at all..my thoughts and prayers are with you and cade and her whole family
My words echo Leilia's- I found girlmom in the midst of a pregnancy care and discovered that I had stumbled aross so much more then I ever expected to find. Alli amazed me with her strong words and ideas-she showed me that you can make things happen, that you can change the world. Without her I wouldn't have the beliefs that I have now.
I too only knew her here on girlmom and on lj-I lurked in the old days for months and months because I was scared that I wasn't going to be good enough for such a powerful woman. Alli was indimidating, she was awesome-even over the internet, to be able to convey that type of strength with her words, was incredible. She's given so many people the oppertunity to unlearn and learn, and her time here was truly priceless. I am shocked and deeply saddened-and my love and support goes out to you, Julie, for you are just as amazing as she was. I never knew of a love greater then yours. Reading both of your posts about each other filled me with hope that there could be something beautiful in this world.
I hope you can find some solace in knowing that she knew you loved her, and she loved you. Your tattoo is beautiful. My love goes out to you and Dylan and Cade. I wish I lived closer and there was something, anything I could do.
We are all going to carry on what alli has begun.
my heart goes out to everyone, julie, cade, dylan, alli's family.
the girlmom play will now be dedicated to alli.
i'm just in shock, and so sad. i can't even begin to articulate beyond that.
i feel so useless right now, all the way up here in edmonton.
I hate for my firt post to this forum to be on such a somber thread. :cry: All I know of Allie is what I've read here as a lurker and through hipmama. My first introduction to her was through reading Ariel Gore's Breeder. She made me realize, a decade after the birth of my son, that other teen moms have gone through and are still going through the same things I went through as a teen mama. I wish I would have had a place like this back then... it might have made those long nights as a single teen mama a little less lonely and stressful...
Some thought on reactions to her passing:
Everyone who knew and loved her admired her for her strength and courage in the face of adversity. Even those closest to her have said how hard it is to believe that the life such a strong, loving mama would come to this untimely end. From what I've read, she was a pillar of strength to many, but even the strongest of us girlmoms have our moments alone in life where we have only ourselves to answer to for the paths we've chosen in life. Sometimes when others look up to you and admire you for the decisions you make and the path you've chosen- you hold your expectations higher for yourself and then feel dissapointed when you think maybe you haven't done as much as you should/could have.
I guess my point is that even the people that are our strongest supporters in life have their difficult moments and they need our strenth just as much as we rely on theirs.
I am more of a lurker here than a poster but I wanted to express my regret and sorrow at the loss of an amazing, beautiful and inspiring woman who's influence and strength will not be forgotten. To all who loved her I can only express my deepest sympathy and love.
I didn't know Alli much at all. I have read her part in the book "You Look to young to be a mother", that's what I really knew about her.
Julie, I am very sorry for your loss. I don't know how to express how I feel. I hope that you can get through this with the support and love you need.
I just lost a friend to suicide and it is hard. I can't say I knw what you are feeling but I can say that it is hard and you will get through this.
I didn't know Alli, I read about her in Ariel Gore's book. She helped so many people and was such an inspiration to all. May she rest in peace. Many hugs to Julie, Cade, Dylan and all Alli's family and friends
I am so sorry. I'm shocked. I don't know what to say. I've been a member of girlmom for many years now and Alli was always such an inspiration. She will be greatly missed, but our memories of her will live on forever.
I am a lurker who has "known" Alli for many years through Hipmama and this site. I am in shock. I am so sorry for her loss and my deepest sympathies go out to her friends and family.
I'm still not sure that I know what to say.
I'm so, so sorry, Julie. For you and your children. Alli was so amazing to so many of us.
When I first came to Girlmom, when it was orange and had only a few members, what I spent so much time on, at first, was not the boards, but the essays and the pieces of writing, that told me that as a young mother I was strong and powerful, with a purpose and with capabilities, and able to do my job - as a mother, as good or even better than someone of another, more "acceptable" age. I read of her successes and her committment to actually getting out there and doing something. She talked about it, informed all of us, but she didn't stop at that point - she got out there. She has done so much for such a large group of people. It is truly amazing to read everyone's thoughts and memories of her here, on LJ and elsewhere. So many people loved her.
I really feel for you, Cade and Dylan. I know that nothing can make up for your loss, but you still have eachother, and Alli in memories. You are a great person too, Julie, and an amazing mother - you can do this on your own. But I am so terribly sorry that you have to.
Love and peace and strength to you.
I was never blessed to "know" Alli, but I have read some of her work, and she was a strong woman. ANd with everyone who has memories of her, she will live on. Seems the world has lost a great woman, mother, friend, and partner.
Lots of love goes out to you Julie, her son and yours, her family and to everyone who knew her. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Julie and Allie's Mom and family. I am sooo sorry for your loss.