After making a firm decision, I decided I should get it done as soon as possible. I called around and found a women's health clinic affiliated with Planned Parenthood that could fit me in the next morning (this was Thursday). I arrived there 16 hours ago armed with a list of reasons actually written down why this is the right choice for me to go back to if I start to panic or need a gentle reminder when things got emotional. Haunted by a dream I had had the night before in which I regretted this decision horribly, I chalked it up to jitters and tried my best to meditate in the waiting room. BD sat in the waiting room cracking rape jokes in a fucking feminist health clinic despite my efforts to quiet him. The only reason I let him come at all was because he was paying the full $425 it cost that I don't have on his credit card.
The counseling was unbelievable and I just kept feeling better and better in my decision as time went on. Two hours later I sat before the doctor faced with the pill that would begin the process of a medical abortion and I swallowed it without hesitation and felt instant relief that lasted all of 10 minutes. In the car I started crying uncontrollably and nothing has felt right since. I feel so heartbroken inside, empty and alone. Everything reminds me of the pregnancy and I wonder how firm I was in my decision suddenly. This is absolutely NOT intended to scare anyone who is thinking of having an abortion. I could totally be going through just a funk that will subside in a few days and my experience is obviously as unique and valid as the woman with no doubts. I just don't know. Anything. I feel so sad and defeated inside. Nothing like I thought I would. I keep going back to posts I made before I had the abortion (which is every one) and thinking "Let me just go back and think some more. Let me go back to THEN."
Anyone who has been through this, please PM me. I really need someone right now, I just feel like I'm falling apart inside.