Monogamy?

I dunno. There are other animals that mate for life; I wonder if humans were meant to be one of them, or is that an ages-old institution drummed into us from long ago?

Eh, I think it varies from person to person.
When I was younger, monogamy was virtually impossible to me. Now that I'm older, an "open relationship" seems utterly unappealing. It would require so much energy; energy I'd far rather spend on other things.
Guess I'm getting boring in my old age. :?

Honestly - I think some are, some aren't.

I am married to a man who is, but as I've grown, I've discovered I am not monogamous by nature. I stay monogamous because I care deeply about him, and I am contractually bound. But is this course of action from my heart? No.

but what do you do when the two people in a couple don't match up? one person has to "lose" (generally the woman)

i suppose logically i can say "wouldn't you rather know that s/he explored everything out there and still chose you, over knowing s/he is with you but wanting to explore?" but then there's always the possibility of s/he exploring and finding someone else they wanted to be with... (since most people who are opposed to non-monogamy are really opposed to polyamory.)

perhaps if you include couples therapy in the opening of the relationship, to keep the couple on track and have a safe space to discuss any concerns that arise, and a neutral person to aid in the process?

if someone in a relationship feels like they are denying or supressing parts of their self to be in that relationship, that seems like a recipe for a bad thing down the road...

eh i dunno. for me i just think i have not found the right person yet that i want to spend the rest of my life with...

some people find someone and they truely want to be with that person FOREVER and for the rest of us i guess its just a pick and choose search for that person. so i guess i'm just making no sense lol...

I am in a polyfidelitous triad with my husband and my boyfriend. After about two years of marriage I developed a crush on a boy I knew, and after months of deliberation the three of us decided to give it a go and see how things went with me dating outside my marriage. I don't know whether I am naturally monogamous or not; I don't know whether I'm polyamorous or just living in a polyamorous relationship. This doesn't matter very much to me. We're all very happy with this choice; that's what I feel counts.

Everyone is different. Living true to oneself means honouring that difference. The question of monogamy follows that same principle. That is to say, monogamy is right for some people, but not for everyone.

As far as humans and how we could be classified, I have pondered the same question but never come up with an answer except that maybe such classifications are all bogus.

It varies so much depending on the status of the species, it's position on the food chain and, at least for us, where we are in our lives.

I think humans can be very flexible and changing in regards to their needs. Some people go through a period where they could never be with only one person, but find that they grow out of that. Others try "serial monogamy" most of their lives but realize that what they need in order to love is some space.

And you know, it's all tough. It just depends on where you want to put your energy. In a monogamous relationship, you might fight about your partner flirting with someone else, where in a polyamorous relationship you might fight about your partner being too burnt out after they come back from their date to give you any lovin.

I feel compeltely in love and couldn't leave my husband, I feel like we'll always be together.. plus like fairy was saying, i also don't have much want, or energy to be with someone else, well, some else male at least.. but the bi issue was an issue for us.. i was in a relationship with a woman I really loved, which was one of the most intense loving relationships i've ever had, and I miss being with women.. but his whole thing is if Im going to sleep with a woman it's cheating .. so basically for us it was like the only way to get around it was 3somes, but that's a whole other issue in itself.. I think we can as humans have monogamy, but for some people it isn't right and I dont think it has anything to do with gender, age or this or that.. because sometimes not everything is a fit for every single person.

Honestly.. I love my hubby and can't imagine not ever being with him.. but I don't feel I'm done exploring. Still got some of them wild oats to sow and whatnot.

I'm bicurious, I've had many girlfriends and I loved it.. and I miss it. I miss the tingles you get kissing a guy or girl for the first time. But I love my relationship. In my opinion, for me, an open relationship would be the best thing, but hubby is very ground set against it.

Even suggesting it would break his heart, and turn him against me. So I stay with status quo.

I'm beyond happy with what I have, I just think I'd be happier with the other. But I'm still in a grand relationship and quite content.

awww.. soooooo true!!

the first female i actually ever had major feelings for told me this "bi people are never really satisfied. you can be with one person, but always have that other longing." i stand by that. i am in a monogamous relationship with a man, but still get that tingly feeling around her, still see her as a total babe, and my feelings for her haven't changed. i still constantly am checking out other women. i think its somethiung you learn to live with.

you're never going to know for sure if you're bi/gay/lesbian unless you actually experiment with it. try talking about it to hubby, maybe?

Yeah, I can vouch for this. If I had not been with women, I would never be satisfied with a man, or with monogamy. I would always be curious (the "grass-is-always-greener" syndrome). :wink:
If I hadn't tried it (and tried it, and tried it, lol), I would always have wondered. I wonder if all women are like that. The ones who have never had sex with a woman... do they always wonder? :?:

you can look at this in 2 ways... an open marriage or a monogomous marriage. i for one love the feeling of knowing i will be with the same person for the rest of my life... sex to me isnt just for physical pleasure... it is when i am closest to my husband physically and emotionally. but if you plan to have an open marriage, you have to realize that it will be open on both ends... whether your spouse acts upon that or not.

my husband always jokes that if i ever cheated on him with a guy he would leave me, but if i cheated on him with a girl... well thats a different story.

try to explore these options... tell him how you feel, especially since you have been with him for so long... maybe he will understand your needs... and maybe you two might even do this together, if you know what i mean.
just be honest with him... its better than hiding the truth.

it all comes down to this... would you rather cheat or be cheated on?

sorry i have more to add... yes i do believe all women are like that... i can vouch for it...

at the beginning of my marriage i wanted to try a threesome with my husband and another woman, but soon changed my mind bacause if i did have a threesome and my husband and the other woman even looked at eachother lustfully someone would pay... if you know what i mean... before i was married i wanted to try it, but never found the right girl... and now that i am married there is only one girl that i would want girl on girl action with... and that is carmen electra... i think i set my standards a little too high... lol

anyways, its not that i regret not doing it... but now i will always remain curious... "the grass IS always greener on the other side" lol, but i do love my husband more than anything and would never give up what we have together. :wink:

That is the same thing with me. I have had a couple sexual relationships with women before I met BD. When me and BD were first together we had a great and fun relationship. Well I kissed a girl infront of him wanting him to see not thinking he would care. I thought we were open to this and it wasnt a problem. If he kissed a guy infront of me whatever. Well he got made. I cant even mention being with women or 3somes because he thinks its disgusting.... he said man or women its cheating!!! He is just sooo different from some guys. Some guys love to see that. But we dont speak of it anymore. I am still attracted to women. I think women are hot!! And kising a women feels sooo different from kissing a man. I think, I love kissing women because they are gentle and touchy!! :P I love it but well I am with Mike and I love him yet I still am not married and have a choice to explore.

Yeah.

Me and my husband have actually been talking about this issue quite a bit lately. We're monogamous. He says that he's so in love w/ me that even if he did happen to walk in on me having sex w/ someone else he probably wouldn't even see it or think anything of it...that it was just a physical thing and he's not insecure the least bit about me leaving him for anyone. He thinks he could possibly deal w/ a polyamorous relationship.... I don't know if i could though just b/c i'm kind of insecure about myself. I know it would be strictly physical on both ends and i do trust him but i know i'd get way insecure.
He does however joke about me getting a girlfriend...he knows i've always been curious but nervous about it and never got a chance to act on it....so he says me having a gf may be ok! :wink:

**off topic**I talk to him about you all quite a bit and he sometimes he gets a little jealous of GM and my lj friends b/c it's like i can talk to you guys a little easier than i can talk to him about certain subjects.

I believe if a relationship is fragile it'll break up anyway, whether or not you go poly.
Likewise if the relationship has trust issues or power imbalances..

I've been with my wife for six years. We're poly, but now I'm wondering if I'm getting the terms wrong.
Basically we can sleep with who ever we want but only once, I'm cool with her doing it more but her boundary with me is that I'm only allowed one go! More often than not there has been a few sort-of encounters as well.
We have 3somes occasionally.
I can honestly say I don't feel threatened by her sleeping with other people, I feel very confident that she loves me, we have a strong relationship.. I feel quite curious when it does happen, I find her experiences interesting.
Lately neither of us has been too active, it's nice to know that you can.

I think so much more emphasis is placed on physical betrayal rather than emotional. If you're partner doesn't hold you when you cry, isn't there for you there not seen as bad as a cheater. If you have sex outside of a relationship once but are a loving partner in all other ways, why is it seen as the worst?
A lot of relationships that were on there way out anyway break up with infidelity, in my opinion.

i dont wonder about it,i am a very jealous person so i would have a very big problem with my partner being w someone other than me! hehehe i dont like to share.but i guess it depends on the person...some people a
re fine wth it.i guess wutever u feel comfortable with