Wow im lucky

That's good you are happy. It's great when anyone is extremely happy in their relationship of any kind.

But you don't have to have a man or a woman in your life, you don't even have to be in any type of relationship to raise your family. If mamas on here want a relationship with a man or a woman, it's their choice. If they don't and are fine being single, dating, whatever - it's their choice.

I knew that would open some kind of can of worms.. :shock:

Umm yeah, well, you know, great for you!

But those of us who are single moms and don't have anyone else to pay the bills or to work 50 hours per week for us and are going to school full time and are cuddling up to our kids at night instead of someone else or who cuddle up to our girlfriends (not everyone wants a "HIM") or have no one to cuddle up to and instead cry into our pillows because other people like to tell us that "we'll find him"...HERE'S TO US.

We don't need to pine away hoping for the day that "we'll find him"...we don't need a "Him". And I definitely don't feel the need to give props to the husbands/BDs/whatever who are doing what they should be doing (caring for their children).

The LAST FUCKING THING I would EVER tell someone is "you'll find him".

Exactly.

Erika, when I get divorsed will you marry me? I think I'm in love with you.

Word to Erika.

I'm so happy that you are happy, but it disturbs me that you feel he is the reason everything is right.

Having that extra support for a loved one, is definatly great.

I love my SO so much, that its scary sometimes.

I do think that I am lucky, for being able to find someone who meets my needs soo damn well, and who understands me the way that he does. I thank fate for putting me together with someone who was strong enough to stand up to his duties as a man, and parent...because it dosnt always happen that way. And I thank him, not for doing a job that he pretty much signed up for the day we had sex, but for not showing any regret, or dissapointment, and always being sensitve to the situation....for taking things in stride, rather than falling apart.

I am grateful for him, for being soo strong, pretty much the same way he is grateful to me, for carrying his child.

Dude, what's up with your post acrane? Have you not read the other responses to this thread?

Look, it's fine and dandy that you all have your partners but that is no reason to come on a site for marginalized, mostly single (or were single parents at one time), etc., moms and remind us of what we don't have! We can get that at babycenter if we want! Especially in a post like "I am so lucky that I have this and this and this and you guys don't, man that must TOTALLY SUCK ASS to be you!"...that's how it comes off and it's not needed.

This Forum was added to discuss relationships, their problems, lack of, whatever.

Not to flaunt privelege on a support site for already marginalized moms.

I would rather stay single for the rest of my life than be with a man who thinks they are great for doing stuff with their kid that they should be doing just because its their kid. There is nothing I hate more than a bd who says, oh I "babysat" him for 4 hours and changed a poopy diaper and then I had to buy him dinner. Fucking thats what I do every god damn day and I dont get told how great I am.
Its just great that you are so happy with your happy family and everything is so happy. But I dont need a man in my life to be happy.

word!!

Or even the "savior" guys who feel they should get "credit" for putting up with the kids or whatever. You choose who you're in a relationship with and that should work for each person in the relationship without one "owing" another.

I wouldnt say that we were "flaunting" anything.

Is there anything wrong with being really really happy with something you have?

Like if you do really well in a school course...and you worked really hard to get an "A"....woudlnt you be excited to tell people about it? I dont get straight "A's", even if i work really hard sometimes...but it dosnt mean that I dont want to hear about the Mamas who do get the grades, or considering it flaunting it if they were to post on their sucess. Its not good to always talk about problems, and negative stuff....infact, I love to hear it ,when other mamas have aspects in their lives that make them really really happy!!!!

Support dosnt mean just being there for someone when they are down...it means being happy for them...when they have the good stuff too!!!

I wouldn't go into a shelter and tell the people about the new Coach purse I just bought and how my summer home on the beach just had another 5000 square feet added to it. Think about it.

There's a difference in talking about how you are happy and then infringing on the other people on this site by saying "I have an awesome husband who does soooo much. I honestly don't know how it feels to have a hard time, I AM SO LUCKY NOT TO HAVE YOUR LIFE." (Paraphrased by me.)

I think talking about the joys in your relationship is fine, but when you add "I'm so lucky I found him, you will too!" is where it's flaunting.

I know what JOYS are, but you did more than that. Being excited about an upcoming milestone, or how you worked out an issue or something like that seems like a joy worth coming to Girlmom for. Being happy you landed a good one and encouraging others that they'll land themselves one too isn't.

This site is about empowerment and there's nothing empowering about hearing how happiness is found only when you have a good man. If you feel the need to talk about that though there's always livejournal or something.

Anyone who would go into a shelter and tell people these things...obviously dosnt belong there, because shelters are for people who dont have a place to live. This site is a gathering place for young moms, and as RobinQ is just that, i beleive she has just as much right to post here as anyone else...

Where do we draw the line?? There are mamas who post about getting new cars....I dont have a car, I cannot nearly afford a car, and it stresses me out quite a bit....but when I read a post about a mama getting a new car.....I think "wow, shes really lucky, and I am happy that shes able to afford herself this luxery...thats awsome"...yah know??? I dont see it as flaunting...just being happy for what you have.

I can totally see where you are coming from aswell...and I dont want a big argument to start over this...I just think it was a LITTLE bit unfair to say "I dont know what it is like to have a hard time...IM SOO LUCKY NOT TO HAVE YOUR LIFE", because thats not what anyone was saying....and do you think we have it easy, just because we have a man with us....lifes still hard. Three mouths to feed instead of two.

Why cant we just be happy for eachothers happiness????

They do. There is nothing wrong with being happy, but I feel that it's in bad taste to come to a site that supports all mamas and push partnership = happiness. You have a right to do what makes you happy, and I hope that you take credit for your happiness too. You are worth being happy even without a man in your life. I also feel that it was bad taste to list all the priveleges you do have (another income, someone there to help) because those are priveleges that some don't have.

Mmkay, if you start off a conversation with "I don't know what it's like to..." and then imply something about the rest of the community (i.e. having a hard time, not having a partner, etc.) and then go on to list all of the things that are the opposite of what you were implying (how you have a wonderful partner who does this and this and this), THAT is flaunting. When your friends in real life come to you with relationship problems, do you interrupt them to tell them about the 12 dozen roses you got for Valentine's Day? I doubt it.

I can make analogies all day long!

Livejournal is a blog site where you can talk about things that, in good taste, just shouldn't be brought up here.

While the rest of the world is telling us that we need certain material possessions to be "successful", I think that we'd get a resounding YES if we asked people if they felt more pressured to have a partner or have the man "stick around". Honestly, I don't even know why this discussion has to happen. It shouldn't be hard to think about the feelings you'll hurt or hearts you're stepping on when all of the single women here are already told by everyone else that they're less than par because they don't have a partner. It's really fucking sick to hear "you'll find him" on a site that advocates EMPOWERMENT. We don't need to be validated by our partners, jobs, homes, or even our children, and it's sad to see "you'll find him" or any version of that here.

And about having three mouths to feed, give me a break. You also have two adults capable of working or providing childcare. I don't have a choice but to put my child in daycare while I go to school and I would guess most of the single moms on here don't either.

I'm HAPPY being a single parent and we need to encourage women to find happiness with themselves instead of relying on other people for happiness.

No one is saying life isn't hard when in a relationship and telling someone they have priveleges doesn't mean that everything is perfect and you don't have a right to feel like you're working everyday at it.

Because sometimes life just sucks so fucking much that others peoples happiness is annoying. Sorry, but it is. And sometimes your happy being alone and your sick of people acting like something must be missing in your life. Or whatever....there are tons of reasons.

You have to think before you post shit. Like ask yourself, is this a little over board? Could this sound like bragging? Is this going to hurt or annoy somebody?

It was hard for me to hear about how her husband working 50 hours a week so they can do extra fun stuff. I wish I could have gotten my crazy/lazy husband to work so we could do fun stuff like....you know...EAT. But he didn't so I had to throw him out. And I can tell you for sure, I won't be waiting around for Mr. Right to come solve my problems.

Sorry, but your post could not have hit me at a worse time.

wow....i'm a slow typer.

How friggen negative is it to say that other peoples happiness is annoying????

Their happyness is not annoying. Their posts devoted to it is :D .

I think it's worse that all you saw out of her post was that she was annoyed. She also said she had just left a relationship where she wasn't happy and seeing "You'll find a man" was annoying to her because in her situation it was the last thing she needed to hear.

dang, I'm a bad speller too.

Robinq had already apologized for that, and said thats not what she meant...soo i figured the "you'll find a man" bit was kinda void at this point.

If you dont like posts about being happy....dont read'em....and I am sorry that you have come out of a bad relationship....if you ever need to vent, you know the women on this site are more than willing to support and offer you their words to try and support you through this. I know personally, I dont have the best advise on the subject, but...if you want to vent..thats cool!

One of the best things about this site, and the reason I keep coming back too it, is because all the mamas and allys here are open-minded, and accepting. I guess I was just taken aback that more people werent just happy for this girl...

I see your point. For real. But when you look at the reaction the post recieved from more then one person, I think it would be safe to say It might have been a little over board. I'm glad she's happy. I'm glad your happy. But a little bit of sensitivity would be nice.

I think its possible to make posts about things you're happy about (including your SO) in a tactful way so that it doesn't come off as bragging. I don't think this was that way, it wasn't an appropriate post, but what happened to the 'calling someone out once is enough' rule? When called out she didn't react in a hostile way, she asked for some more clarification, some examples were good. But I don't think its necessary to push it to the point that someone has to say that apologies don't mean anything around here. Calling out is great, but I don't think its necessary to make people feel so attacked. This seems to happen a lot.