Ummm.... I haven't made friends in a long time... My few friends were made a loooooong time ago.
Friend #1 - 12 years ago.
Friend #2 - 6 years ago.
Friend #3 - 5 years ago.
Friend #4 - 2 years ago.
Friend #5 & 6 - 1 year ago.
I really lack friends... I met the most recent ones at work and at the bar. I'm kinda shy and I never approach people. Usually I don't like to associate with people I don't know. I'm not snobby... I think I have social anxiety. But if I get to know someone and I feel secure and comfortable in their presence, I'll continue talking to them.
I hang out with my former professors and Krista - whom I met on livejournal when she was dating someone I had in class and HE finally introduced us.
So hi, big dork.
I have a women's group I started with a lot of mamas and some women without kids. My women's studies professor (who was new in town) and I just spread the word that we were having a gathering of students with kids and their allies, and there was going to be food and drink and we were all going to kick back.
You could make flyers and put them up around school.
The other thing that worked was the after-class study group at a place which serves beer.
I dont have any friends....a lot of it is my own fault because Im not real great with that whole "Putting forth the effort" thing......But by the time I work all day, and get home and bathe and feed Des..I dont want to do ANYTHING else...and weekends I dont want to do anything cause I just want to enjoy not working.....and I get soooooo nervous around people...Its real bad....I stutter and forget stuff and all around look stupid...
I HATE social situations.
Ugh, Julie, that sounds just like what happens to me. The pounding heart, my hands start shaking and sweating, my head starts feeling fuzzy, my hearing sort of changes (things seem really loud and echo-y) and i just can't form a thought, let alone get it out of my mouth. It's horrible. For some reason I just find it really hard to admit that it might really be a social anxiety disorder or something like that. I was diagnosed with every mental illness under the sun as a teenager and medicated out of my head, then I moved away from home and haven't touched any kind of medication since. For some reason it's just really hard for me to accept that there might actually be something wrong. :(
I can't offer any advice as to actually finding and/or meeting new people, but I can tell you what helps me in social situations (since I used to get so nervous and tongue-tied when seated next to someone, say at a wedding or party, that I didn't know, and used to just sit in an uncomfortable silence and wish I was at home)... Ask questions. Most folks love to talk about themselves. Even if it's something minor or stupid-sounding, it helps to get the ball rolling. Ask if they live around there, what was the traffic like on the way over, where do they work, where did they buy the shoes they're wearing (cuz gee, they're sharp!), anything. If they've got kids with them, all the better - mamas love to talk about their babies! :D
this threads got me bummed. I dont even care to have a ton of friends, I just want a BEST friend again. I'm not that shy and I'm okay to talk to people, but I swear it, there is no one here to talk to. No one I've met with BF potential, well atleast in my area. If only I could magically put us all in one place, if only.
Maybe join a play group for your kids, that way you could meet some of the parents, or when your out in public, look approacheable. I know, its hard! I have quite a few friends but not nearly as many as I had before I had Riley, but that just kind of comes with being a mom. You find out who your true friends are! Hang in there and if anyone wants to hang sometime this summer Im down!!! =)
damn, I feel so much the same way. The only people I know I met through my roommate. And I have one really good guy friend that I hang out with and that is it! I met one girl recently who has a kid and what do you know, I met her at a party while we were both drunk. :lol: I know there are a ton of girls in my classes who have kids but I am waaaay too shy to even attempt to talk to them. :?
Yeah, I literally have not 1 friend. You'd think in a city of over 10,000,000 people I'd have at least 1. Nope.
Also, any friends i used to have, I won't speak to. I feel like I have nothing interesting to offer people. I'm a stay at home mother. No one wants to hear about the funny thing my kid says.
If I ever go out, I wind up sitting in a corner, hitting on men because it's easier than having an intelligent conversation with someone. Yeah, I must sound pretty pathetic.
I feel very isolated. I live in a place where I'm the youngest mom by a solid ten, fifteen years. My kid's friends all have mothers in their mid and late thirties. And I have nothing at all to talk to them about. Nothing but kids, and that gets old fast.
And yet, I don't feel terribly comfortable around other girls my age (25) who have no kids, because I can't go out clubbing on a whim and don't have tons of disposable income to "have lunch" every other day. It's hard to talk to them because they're uncomfortable around ME.
My old friends are my best friends, but they're 3,000 miles away. I see them once a year and we raise hell. Those are the best days.
Any other Jersey girls out there - let's have cawfee. We'll tawk over cawfee.
I'm the old lady of my group of friends. Not literaly, but I've been married twice, have two kids and am always too tired to go out.
I guess when I say friends, what I mean is co-workers. That is so lame.
Jude's friends are all married and all the couples hang out together but that is SO boring! I want my OWN friends.
I guess I'd have to actualy leave the house for that.
I wish I knew how to make friends. I have 3, but they've been my friends since I was a kid. I'm moving in september to finish school, and I know it's going to be a lonely year. I just can't seem to meet people.
The aforementioned friends are the kindof of people that others just flock around. I don't know how they do it. I get by in alot of social situations with them ( oh, she's B's best friend, she must be okay) But that feeling sucks, and I want to meet people on my own!
I tend to kindof of hang on the edge of a crowd and not say anything, or I start rambling and talk someone's ear off so they find me annoying. I wish I could find the balance.
I have the same problem. How is it that you meet friends when you work full time and spend the rest at your house taking care of your kid? I don't like to go up to people and randomly talk. I, like most of you, have some sort of social anxiety where I can't talk to people. I ignore people that I went to high school with and only when I am forced to, do I say hello. It's not because I am an asshole, I just generally like to avoid interaction. Once I get past the intitial barrier, you would never know that I have a problem talking to people. I would love to meet other mamas, but how the hell do you do that?
i have no real friends either... they have all broke my trust... i do have 2 friends who i see regualryl( once a week or so).. but we really arent "close".. we just have mostly our kids in common. Iam lonely a majority of the time.
i have no clue how to make friends either. I have a hard time on the phone to,, iam more of a quieter person, thats totally hapy to listen...
i used to be really shy i guess u could say-but ive realized that if u dont take the chance to know people,ull really miss out.which is why now i try to talk to everyone i see...lol..except on the streets ofcourse theyd just think im weird but i mean at school.if were in class ill strike up a convo with anyone-guy or girl-doesnt matter.Usually i ask about school first and then start talking and mid way i ask btw wuts ur name.sometimes i even get peoples number who i enjoyed speaking with-its really great to get to know people.i like being more like this than shy.although i only consider certain people my friends-just a few close friends-because all the other people are mere aquantanses?.still just go up to someone and talk.introduce urself dont think twice before doing it just do it because if u think about it trust me u wont do it.besides youve got nothing to lose only a potential friend to gain...lol
btw i would visit u but i think ur too far away im in cali:)
Rosie- where in So Cal are you?
It's not that I'm a shy person or that I get nervous around people because I'm really an outgoing, easy-to-talk-to person, I just haven't really had the time to make friends since I moved here. (got to So Cal 6 months ago) And I'm only 19 (until November) so I can't go to any of the bars and I don't like going to the movies or comedy clubs or clubs by myself so I usually just hang with the kiddo. Which is fun, don't get me worng, I love spending time with Dev. But I just want a BF again, you know?
whoa, how did i miss this thread?! glad to see i'm not the only person who doesn't have any friends (well ya know, glad in the respect that i'm not alone)
i have 2 friends - my partner, and my best friend who now lives in the states who i haven't seen in 3 yrs. thats it. my life revolves around my son and work. i'm the only one with a child at work so i often get left out of any gatherings/parties etc the staff have. this makes bonding with my work mates hard. they don't want to know what coby did this morning, they are more interested in how much a dozen export gold costs. i feel like i'm in a completely different world
i find it extremely hard to strike up conversations with anyone. i know i should go out more, like take the boy to a play group or something, but the thought of doing this makes me nervous. i'd LOVE to have some mama friends, especially some around my age :(
i don't have any friends either. I had a best friend 5 years ago, who completely screwed me over, and I have a hard time trusting people. Also, people don't like me cause I'm pretty weird. I don't know how to meet people. I know a few people at school to talk to, but we never get together outside of school.
And Julie, I think I have social anxiety disorder as well. I'm really shy, and sometimes I'll blush, shake, get all hot and flustered when talking to someone or if I am forced to say something in front of a group. Then I realize how nervous and spastic I look and get even more embarassed and blush even more. This is getting better for me however a little.
For a little while, I wanted to get whatever kind of medication they advertise for social anxiety disorder, but I don't have good insurance so its not an option right now.
Rosie- where in So Cal are you?
San Diego County, an inland city called Poway, how about you?
I can only make friends with gay men. They flock to me. My best friend of six years is a gay man, and the only friend I've made at college so far is also a gay man. Which is great, at least I have friends. But it sure does make girl talk difficult. :oops:
I can't get comfortable with people. Even if I do by chance, I always excessively worry that they're judging me unworthy, or they think im a horrible nuesince. I guess my biggest problem is trusting people to be open with me if they don't like me, and trusting that if they hang out with me, I'm okay...
I'm my own worst critic.
wow so 4 whole pages and no answers but sad friendless mamas....
i agree its hard for all of us to make friends. the only friends i have are friends from hs and the one friend i have made lately i met at work and shes a gm (our friendship was cemented when she got pregnant). I really do feel lonely anymore that I don't have friends but its so hard like someone else said to put forth the effort.
So can we start a suppose to be young hip mama but ended up being a friendless loser mama support group???
joshuasmama - come visit me i'll be your friend... i think i saw your boobies in the other thread (if it was your boobies) you can visit me anytime lol!!!!
i make friends at school by doing group projects & study dates with my study buddies.
i realize that nearly everyone else in america feels alienated & lonely, so its not a big deal to be like "hey, lets hang out sometime and run around!"
i host potlucks & brunches
i pass out my phone number to other moms with cool kids
i tell my co-workers i think they're cool & emphasize positives when i'm around them
i do art in my community & (used to be/am) on a community board for a small arts nonprofit & met a bunch of people in my discipline
sometimes i volunteer to do stupid projects, like prarie restorations or host open mikes, that aren't gunna change the world, but get us out of the house doing something reasonably productive
i try not to get stuck online, pretending i'm being productive but really avoiding doing something, like laundry, which in the end keeps me inside alone a whole lot longer than say, just doing laundry & leaving.
i sit at a cafe, and write, and let kid run around. and say hi to people.
i pretend that i know people, even when its just that i've seen 'em around, and start conversations with them. no one minds having a conversation with such a hottt and interesting mamas like us!
when i'm depressed i take it seriously, go to therapy & take meds & do self-work.
i try not to hang out with "friends" that make me feel gross, worse, or stupid. tho this is hard to do when i'm feeling depressed.
in nice weather, i hang out outside, in a park our on the porch and get to know the neighborhood moms.
i call people i haven't heard from in a while & schedule friend dates!
Wow...at least Im not the only one who feels this way! I have only a couple friends...and one lives in Colorado :cry: I do not talk to anyone on the phone besides my mom and I do not really go anywhere. I basically sit with my grandparents and jess all day every day. So GM is basically all I have in order to talk to anyone about stuff. THANKS EVERYONE..hehe
Ill be your friend jessiesmom, but im in colorado too. :(
I live in Oxnard. It's in Ventura county, on the coast. But I'm going down to San Deigo on Thursday and will be ther until Saturday.
I totally agree that it is hard to make friends as you get older. I had basically no friends in high school. The 2 friends that I did have one faded away( we had different interest)and the other turned on me and tried to get me beat up :evil: . so ever since then I really hadn't been close to anybody. I have 2 close girlfriends now and a guy friend. But ever since then I have anxiety attacks from being in a room full of people I dont know. :roll:. Like I had this factory job and most of the people there were females. There was only one guy. I t made me feel uncomfortable :oops:
yea... anyone with an answer... id like to be let in on the secret too... everyone i seem to meet is either still in high school or new to the college scene... jsut married... and not a military spouse... ( i am married to a navy man)... or have no kids... its not that i have anything against anyone... i am open to all friends of all types... its just that the maturity level differs so much between these stages in life, no matter the age. :?
Well, I haven't read this entire thread cause I REALLY have to get to bed!! But I figured I would share my experiences and what I have done before I forget this thread is here!!
I have met many "like minded" folk at the gay bar. Sometimes you have to weed them out though. This might help you julie?? I know how intimadating lesbians can be!! It's VERY hard to be friends with them when you are one of them! But it IS possib;e to go somewhere with like minded people and meet some awesome folk!
You can really gfo anywhere....bring ANYONE you know, then if you smoke, ask for a light, even if you have ione. Look for someone who looks cool, appears rto be friendly. There are prob a million places in your town that have like minded people who usually ciome in. Depends on what you are like though. I have net a ton of people through simple things like having cool hair...there's a conversation they can start....or needed a lighter....another way to start a convo....targeting cool people and just stating something is easy! Ask where they got their shirt, then continue the convo to say hi my name is so and so. there are ways to get to know people, you just have to have the time unfortunately. Freinds of friends is waaaay easier, but if you don't reaqlly have any, then you just have to start out alone.
Ask simple questions to get a conversation going. Sometimes it might not work, sometimes it will. Then you can elaborate on things, ask more questions, let it flow. Then say somwthing like"it was great to meet you, we should meet up again and have a coffee...beer..ect." OR, "you are a very interesting person, we should hang out soemtime".
It can be really easy, once you get the hang of it. You just have to have some akward silences and weird looks sometimes. But usually if you go to the right places you can meet someone. Like for me, I go to the gay bar....go to a pub near here, filled with hippies and radical folk...alternative folk. For another person it could be a university coffee shop...busy one would prob be best and make you feel less nervous, or a local bar/fun spot for people your age....It's possible guys, you just have to get tough..heh...and allow people to see you vulnerable. You have to set out with a goal, then introduce yourself to a ton of people until you get the hang of it. Once you get the hang of it, it's easy and meeting people is no problem 8)
I used to never have trouble with flirting or just stalking guys till they noticed me, but platonic femal friends have always seemed harder to will into existence.
Maybe it's personality- some folks are just crazy outgoing and unafraid of rejection, and others are more cautious and aloof. I think it also involves a bit of enviornment, like sometimes living in a progressive area, or attending school can help, but not always. Then there's the carting the kid around everywhere thing that can kinda cramp the style. This gets better when they're teenagers- and fortunatly, most of us are/will be hovering around thirty by then- which is a lot younger than it may seem. :roll:
I used to never have trouble with flirting or just stalking guys till they noticed me, but platonic femal friends have always seemed harder to will into existence
i can flirt like you have no idea. but when it comes to girl friends i'm lost. i have friends at work but they are not people i would go to for advice or hang out with. they are just fun to work with. so how do you become friends with girls??? i love all of you mamas but there are no mamas close by or no mama groups.... sad huh???