I was raped and as a result I am now pregnant. I am only 16 and know that I am too young to raise a child all by myself, but abortion isn't even an option for me. I am planning on finding a good family that will raise and care for my child. I know this would be the best thing for the baby, but many around me continue to discourage me by saying that I shouldn't make this choice or that when the time comes that I won't be stronge enough to make this choice. I do agree that it will be a very hard thing to do, but I know that I can't just think of myself. I know that I must think of the baby and know that I am not in a good financial state right now and I do not want to raise a child without a father. There are many reasons why I continue to stick with my decisions of an open adoption for this baby, but I am not getting complete support from everyone around me. So thats why i came here. In hopes of someone understanding my decions and not trying to persuade me. I really hope i meant some good friends that will help my along this journey.
-Angela
Hurt, now Healing (Newbie)
You are here
Mon, 2005-11-14 22:48
#1
Hurt, now Healing (Newbie)
Hi! Welcome to GM. My name is Tabbi Im almost 13 weeks pregnant and im 17 years old. Im sorry that youve had to go through such a horrible experience. Dont let others try to change your mind and your feelings, its a choice that YOU have to make for yourself! Ive never been in a situation like that but if you ever need someone to talk to dont hesitate to PM me!Goodluck with everything and everyone here will support you no matter what you decide!
hey there, welcome to gm, i hope we can help you out with all you are going through... if you havent had a chance to check out our mission statement you might want to.. we are 110% prochoice and some of your wording could offend some of our members, so check it out!!! we totally support all choices, and we will support yours in your journey through your pregnancy.
btw, im erinn momma to riley
i'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time right now, but i personally think you've made a great choice for yourself and your baby. pm me if you need to talk.
I'm truly sorry to hear what you've been through. Please remember that we are here for you and that we'll support whatever choice you will make. Good luck with everything.
Hi, I was raped also at 13. I got pregnant also. I was so confused and i wasn't sure what to do. abortion wasn't an option for me either. I thuought about giving the baby up for adoption but i had everyone telling me that wasn't a good idea. sorry to say but i had a miscarriage so all my decision were made for me. You know your heart better than anyone so you know whats right for you and the baby. If you feel this is best then stay strong and don't let anyone change your mind. Talking to a counsler would be a good idea. A counsler could tell you the up's and down's about your choice. Remind your family that this is a child coming that niether you or the child ask for it to come. Remind them your whole life is ahead of you and there's plenty of time for you to actually ask for a baby. If your not sure you want to raise this child then in my mind it's best you give it up b/c the baby will need all the love and support it can get to. I know it's hard and you need someone to lean on. I'm here anytime you need to talk. :)
Welcome. I think what you are doing is amazing... there are so many people who will make wonderful parents to your children, that aren't able to have children on their own...
One thing, "abortion is not an option for me" was said twice in this thread... I just wanted to point out that abortion is always an option... whether you choose to take that option is a different thing.. but saying "its not an option" is very inncorrect... It is a WONDERFUL option for alot of other people... Just my opinion :)
Hi and welcome to GM. I'm 22 and I had my son when I was 19. It was an unplanned pregnancy, but I felt ready to take on the challenges of parenting and at the time I was very uneducated about abortions so I never considered it an option at the time.
I'm just curious why you feel abortion isn't an option in your case? Not that adoption isn't a valid choice, it's just that this site is all about empowering woman and encouraging us to educate ourselves on all options and most of all CHOICE, so when we see someone who doesn't feel they have a certain option available to them, we want to know why in case there still is a way to make that option available.
We will support you here whatever your choice, but as always we will encourage you to make sure this choice is what you want because ulitmately you'll be the one living with your decision. If adoption is ultimately what you want, we fully support that choice.
Hi, i dont really know what to say because theres no way I can understand what you are going through and how difficult this must be. But like the others have said, know that here is a place where you will find support no matter what you decide, because whatever choice you decide to make is the best decision for you..dont let anyone make the decision for you.
PM me anytime if you want someone to talk to :) Im Jasmine, expecting my first in early February.
HEY,
Thanks for all the support. This really helps. Some of you may be wondering why I say that abortion isn't an option for me. It just isn't in my beliefs. I couldn't stop a life from being born. Thats just too wrong for me and my beliefs. If someone else feels differently about it then that is their choice and I do not condem them for that. I just stand strongly by my beliefs and feel as if I should have this child. The way I look at is it everything happens for a reason and if this wasn't in God's plan than it never would have happened. This child is a blessing and even though it wasn't made out of love and I went through something very horrible, I believe that since this happened then it is meant to be. Now I must be strong and face the days I have ahead of me, one step at a time. I want to enjoy this pregnancy and me being able to bring a new life into this world, I just think it is such a wonderful thing and I can't wait to see the look on the other families faces when I am able to give them this amazing gift of life.
-Angela
I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I had a similar situation, but when I was much younger. Although, I did not get pregnant. I can only imagine what you have been going through.
I whole heartedly agree with you on your view of abortion! If people feel it is right for them more power to them, but I would never do it. Just knowing that this fetus has my blood running through it and is part of me, I couldn't do it.
Girls, PLEASE go read the mission statement. I understand that you all have gone through really rough situations, but this is for many women the ONE safe place they can come without hearing that their abortion "stopped a life", you know?
Every young woman facing an unexpected pregnancy needs to have a safe place to talk about it. We want that for you, and for all our members.
I'm sure none of you mean to hurt any other members, but it does hurt them. So if you could read the mission statement and be more aware of your words, that would be great.
we wholeheartledly believe that abortoin has nothing to do with life as it is just a bunch of cells... please make sure you understand what girlmom is about so that no further comments are said which could be damaging to women who have made the very valid choice of abortion
Yes, girl-mom is PRO-CHOICE. There are mamas on here that have had them and this is a place for support of that. No one needs to question a choice someone has made on here. Please respect that.
I'm sorry if I offended anyone that was not my intention! But from now on I will keep my comments to myself.
You don't need to keep your comments to yourself!!! Everyone is welcome to have an opinion, and to voice it. We must consider other people and the affect our words have on them. There are some strict rules for language on this site...check out the Mission Statement.
I am very sorry for the comments that I made. That was way out of line, but I at that time did not realize because I hadn't taken the time to read the mission statement. Now that I have, I understand completely, and I am very sorry for what happened. I do support others decision. That was just my decision, but now i realize that this isn't a place for that. Nothing like this will ever happen again and I will never discuss this topic on the website ever again. I hope my apoligy is excepted and that you all understand that I do support you all and the deicsions that you are making. GirlMom is a great place, just not a place for me to discuss that and now I realize that. You should make the choice that is best for you, the choice I made was best for me, but maybe not for some other girls out there and I understand that. Do what you want to do. Don't let other people and their comments persuade you. I hope no feeling were hurt and that you all will except me. I want to help make this a safe place for young moms too.
-Angela
Welcome to GM! Im very sorry to hear how you came about your situation. I think youre very strong and loving! I understand your position and respect that you apologized to the members. I think youll find GM a great place to visit and definetly full of support!
Im Jessie (17) mommy to 4yr old Hayley!
I just wanted to say too, that it's really cool of you to apologize. Sometimes we can be a little intimidating, because not a lot of messageboards have such strict guidelines. But they're all for good reason!
And almost every one of us has had someone catch us on a comment we made. It's almost like a right of passage, we all learn! And yet we're all still here, and good friends!
I agree with wonderwall
Thank you for appoligizing!!
Sorry your going through all of this...
I was 16 years old when i had my son ( he wasnt concieved from a rape -- though i was raped at 13 ) and yes i found it so hard but so rewarding. I'm now 2 weeks off turning 19 and my son will be 2 this coming Tuesday and wouldnt change it for the world.
My son's father has decided that he no longer wants to be a father to my son, and has even signed his rights over! I was a single mother for a few months last year and made it.
Good luck with all the decisions you make. I'm here if you want to talk.
Hi, welcome to GM.
I hope you find this to be a supportive place. Many of our members have experienced the rage, pain and comfusion that follow rape and I hope that if you haven't yet been able to talk about your experiences you will find this a supportive place to do so.
What, specifically, are the reasons people around you think adoption is a poor choice?
The people around me think that I was not be strong enough to make that decision in the end and some even say that I need to take responsibility and that the child would want to be with me. I know that my decision is the right one for me and thats why I chose it.
-Angela
I am glad that you made the right decision for you.
However, a fetus doesn't have feelings, physical or emotional. Read this thread:http://www.girl-mom.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7956
i think she meant, when the child is born . hi im melissa. abusednowexpecting, i hope you continue to seek support during your time of need. we support all womens choices, sounds like you've made up your mind. there are a few women on here who choose not to parent their children, maybe you should try talking to others who have went through that, find out how they feel now, im sure they have advise on how to best go about picking a family, and if it was really a desicion they were happy with. much love
i think it is wonderfull you are putting the child for adoption. i, myself was adopted, and i know that women around the world that are in-fertile appreciate it so much. keep strong chica, and feel free to send me a message any time you need a shoulder to cry on or somebody to chat with.
It's okay.
You've apologized!
I think one person mentioning that a member should read the Mission Statement is sufficient. Don't you ever worry about that coming down on a new member, who is under quite a bit emotional distress, might have devastating effects?
Maybe the post should be triggered when an accidental comment is made, as well as mentioning reading the Mission Statement. This way the person who made the mistake knows so without feeling terrible about themselves, and women who have had abortions know to avoid the post for their own wellbeing.
It's just a suggestion.