So at work here we got our Christmas Adopt-a-Family from Child & Family Services. It's a mom and her 5 kids, and one on the way. I am so PISSED at the way the women in my unit are responding to this. Yes, we're a small unit and they gave us "Large Family #1" but that's no excuse for anyone to say "Santa should get mommy condoms for Christmas." I seem to be the ONLY person here able to show any compassion. When that comment was repeated to me as some sort of anicdote, my response was "yeah, or make birth control more affordable." I also mentioned how she may not have any marketable skills, and how the system often sets people up to be dependant. You don't try, you qualify for everything. You try a little, and you lose any extra support. I can't afford to live by myself, but I don't qualify for much because I only have one child.
Maybe her parents were evil overbearing antichoicers, and maybe her husband just died after she found out she was pregnant with #6. You don't know. The only thing you know is the rundown of kids with their ages and sexes and what they'd like for christmas. They asked specifically for VCR tapes for the movies they like. I guess she's not THAT rich since they don't even have a DVD and walmart has been phasing out tapes, so if she was making so damn much off the system they'd at least have a $40 dvd player. Or they'd have asked for playstation games.
I wish I had more money. Because then I WOULD buy them a damn DVD player, because I'm not going to blame her for having children.
People were getting indignant asking if we'd have to buy for the mom, too. Like she's so undeserving. I tell you what, if they want to exclude mom, I'm at least going to try and get her a bath&body gift basket.
Way to keep the Holiday Spirit.. :roll:
I also don't understand why people feel it's okay to target one person and tear apart their whole life without knowing ANYTHING about her or her choices or what happened. Maybe she was partnered and he left? Maybe she wasn't. Who are they to judge?
Seems like they aren't getting the point of "adopting" a family over the holidays, it's not to cast judgment but to open your hearts to someone else because you have the means and opportunity to.
My mom did this one year and got the "big" toys for the kids (her family was a single mom of 3) and ended up getting the mom a bath set and gift certificates to a resturant, grocery store and I think Target or something so they could pick out clothes, food for a holiday meal (or just food period) and then celebrate and go out.
I think you're awesome for what you're doing and hopefully even though your coworkers are being so mean, she'll have a wonderful Holiday anyway.
I just had my sister read this thread, she and I are going halfsies on a DVD player and some kid's movies.
Oh, it just keeps getting better. One of the girls here said last year they didn't "feel bad" about giving because we had a family of a grandma, mom, and two kids and she felt they were "really needy." As if this family isn't and it makes her feel bad to give them things. You heartless judgemental asshat. I just don't get people.
Who is she to decide who is needy and who is not? What if next year her house burns down? (goddess forbid) What if everyone she goes to to get help says "I'm sorry you just dont seem really NEEDY?" Then She will understand wont she.
:evil:
I know the commercialism of Christmas is mainly targetted towards children, but many adults need reminders that people care about them as well during Christmas. When I was a kid we had a lot of Christmases where we'd get gifts from charities or charitable families. I remember the most memorable one, is when my dad got a suit in his size, and he cried.
Do you have paypal? If yes, can you PM me the address? The people at your work don't seem like they're going to do enough, I'd like to help if I can. Our work is doing the Adopt A Family thing too, thankfully though, I haven't heard any negative comments.
I think a DVD and kids movies is a great idea. If the family only has a VCR, something like that would be really exciting for the kids!
I dont think anyone should judge whether or not this family is needy. If the children would be without at christmas time, regardless of the reasons why they are without, people should just help them out, rather than come up with reasons why their mothers a bad person. ugg. Thats pretty sad. It takes a lot of guts for some women to accept charity, and that is the exact reason why.
My family was adopted one year. Five children,a mother, and a father with cancer (later terminal). I wonder what kind of judgements came with the gifts we recieved. :oops:
Your co-workers are really missing the point, and it makes me sick.
Oh, erin, I'm so sorry. I didn't think about that when I posted this, I hope I haven't upset anyone who's family was adopted. Mine could've used it, 5 kids, mom's the only one really working. But she never did anything like that, even when it really would've helped.
Its disheartening how judgmental your coworkers are being, but I want to commend you mamamayhem on your openmindedness and compassion towards this family.. Keep it up :) It's people like you that make this world a better place :)
Its horrible that your coworkers are being so judgemental. I would feel really bad if i knew someone judged me like that. I am glad that you are there to help that family even if no one else is. Imagine how happy the kids and mom will be when they get a new dvd player for christmas! That is really kind of you.
Thanks, guys. I'm not doing it for kudos or anything like that. It just made me sad when they specified VHS tapes. Everywhere is phasing out VHS, pretty soon they won't be able to get any new movies at all. At least with a player they can rent them, and walmart has dvds for 5-10 bucks.
It just makes me angry that I feel I understand the situation better just by reading "VHS" than anybody else seems to grasp. One woman was like "how do they expect us to do this? I don't have any money!" She's living with her fiance, taking care of no one but her 3 stupid pug dogs she's always going on about. I looked at her and I said "This woman's got almost 6 kids. SHE'S the one with no money." Nobody seems to want to realize there are people out there with situations a lot more dire than their own.
Hey, guys, this woman's pregnant with #6 and her youngest is a 9 month old baby girl. If anyone would like to donate gently used baby clothes, recieving blankets, etc, I can PM you my address. I'll reimburse you for shipping, even international. I don't have paypal, but I know she'd appreciate stuff like that. Anything she doesn't have to buy, you know? I don't know why, maybe it's the shitty attitudes of my coworkers, but my heart just reaches out to this woman. I don't have any more of Matt's baby clothes, I've donated them to other moms, but I still have a couple recieving blankets I'm going to give her.
Can do.
What else was on her family's wish list?
Hey! Maybe if I tell everybody that I'm doing this, they'll all decide to try and 'show me up' and do something decent for her!
This is the email I recieved about it:
Children are:
Anthony, boy, age 11-likes sports, movies (VCR tapes) maybe a model car kit
Maurice, boy, age 10-likes sports, movies (VCR tapes) maybe a model car kit
Darien, boy?, age 5-likes anything Scooby Doo, cartoonish stuff, maybe a Scooby Doo sleeping bag
DeAaron, boy?, age 2-enjoys puzzles, books, anything Scooby Doo, Batman and Spider Man
Malia, girl?, age 9 months-any age appropriate toys and needs sippy cups
Also the mother is expecting another child in January. I also put a question mark by the sex of the children that I wasn't sure of. I have the social worker's phone # and have called and left a v/m to confirm the sexes. Thanks and have a good day!!
I will try to look for a few things, i know i have some stuff but mostly boy clothes if she doesnt mind. Where can we send it to? I also have some toyes that I could probably send for a 9 month old.
I am mamamayhem's sister. The one going in on the player. I just have to say that the only thing that has made me cry harder than her email to me, is the outpour of support and wanting to give gifts on this site. I just started here not to long ago. You guys are great. I know that it is hard to raise children and the fact that you all can see that you can give to someone less fortunate is beautiful. If only the girls at her job were half as understanding as the girls here. I have to stop writing now because I am crying at work and that is not good.
random
one more thing my sister wanted to let you all know that I have a paypal account and anyone who wants the info just let me or her know.
They're changing our family!!! The woman who's organizing for our unit just emailed the woman who assigned the families and requested a new one because this family was 'too big.' Even if I object to the change, nobody else will and I'll be out voted. I'm so pissed off. I don't know how I could even begin to contact where this woman is and help out by myself.
Thank you, girls, for the support and offers of donations, I guess it doesn't matter now since we'll be getting a family stamped a little more "acceptable."
Maybe call them yourself and tell her that even though your group is changing families that you've already purchased something specifically for the other one, and if it would still be alright for you to give things to that one?
Yep, that's what I did. I remembered that she had the number of the social worker, so I got it and I'm going to keep taking donations etc, and just basically adopt this woman myself. For GirlMom. LOL
I have lots of un used Fancy bubble baths and soaps etc; i get these things and dont use them myself... If you want them just let me know where to send them to
Make a post in Swap and Give about it too, mamas there may see it and contribute too.
I want to help but don't have a lot do you think bubble bath and model robots (for the older boys) can help. I don't know what else I can get I'll see.
I bet I could find some unused shampoo and conditioner. I work at a salon and we are constantly getting new stuff anyway.
I think this is great. Is there a way we can be linked to the pay pal account so we can donate some money?
I think you can just go to paypal.com and use her email ( wastedyouth2285 @ yahoo.com )
Thank you so much for your help, everybody!!
I just got a call from the woman organizing the adopt-a-family for the company (not just my unit) and apparently they were just going to DROP this family from the program! Nobody wanted her. Nobody. I just went and picked up all her info, and I'm taking the whole family on myself. I find it interesting how everyone balked at the size of the family because the unit is so "small" and now one person is willing to do it all.
With you guys, of course!
I cant believe someone who needed help as much as her they were going to drop. I am so glad that you are doing this
where i am, adopt a family is done by the salvation army. i know this, i am one of the families people contribute to. was it just your company that dropped her, or the salvation army as well? because the salvation army usually goes to lots of trouble to find as many donors as possible, ranging from places like your work, high school students, tv stations, businesses, etc. i can't see how a woman in her situation would be dropped by the program entirely, especially since the paperwork involved in getting ON it is super intense.
i think what you're doing is super commendable, i just wonder how comfortable shes going to feel knowing that one person took her case on by themselves. its hard to sign up for charity, its hard to feel at the end of your rope and know that for your kids to get any sort of a good holiday, you need other people to help you. that is a humbling thing, and the anonymity of getting things from an "organization" rather than a "person" is sometimes what people need to save a bit of their own sanity/self respect/dignity/whatever.
just something to think about.
girlmoms who don't want to spend the money on postage should consider donating to adopt a family in their own area. i know in my area, they actually don't accept donations of used goods, so those who are going to be giving away their old things need to make sure that they will even be accepted. if not, check out the women's shelters or teen mom schools to see if they could use it instead (they very likely will).
i hope i am not coming across the wrong way, like i said i am impressed that you are so caring about this woman and her kids. for some reason i just hesitate to make any person or family the token charitable person or family of the month. i don't think you are doing that, or at least not intentionally, but i think we need to consider how this will affect the mama, and what our options are for giving in our own communities as well.
posted to both threads just because.
Thats really sad... I cant beleive people would refuse people who needed help around this time of the year. Anytime of the year its bad....but it really shows that the "christmas spirit" has totally been forgotten, and replaced by consumer greed.
Good for you, for doing such a good thing. Your actions will bring happiness to such big family, who probably really need it!
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